so i'll press my face against the pane of the window as i watch you drive away

[hardxto_breathe]

i hate this. i hate it i hate it i hate it.

and i hate how he'll never read this, cause i'll never let him. ever.

i hate him. and i can't admit it. because i love him so much.

and i hate her. and i hate how he likes her. and i hate how he tells me about her, like it doesn't phase me.

and i hate how i act like nothing's wrong. and i hate how everything is wrong.

i hate how i can't cry. i hate how i need to cry. and i hate how i won't let myself cry.

i hate how everyone says everything's gonna be ok. show me fucking ok.

i hate how i can't hate him no matter how hard i try. and how i always say that everyday i'm going to ignore him, until i see his face and hear his voice.
i hate how he makes everything seem ok, even if just for the 45 minutes i see him everyday, or the hours we spend on the phone every night.

i hate how he calls me just to say goodnight.

but most of all, i hate how we're over. OVER.

and i wish i could be ok, i wish i could be in his arms again. cause i love him.
or maybe i don't love him, but i <3 him. and if there's any fucking difference .. i don't care. but i know i feel so much for him.

and i hate how i'm going to have so many people criticize me about this entry. and how i'm probably going to delete it.