My Boyfriend is a Ginormous Geek

[hardvice]

Thursday nights. God, I hate Thursday nights. Thursday night is "video game night", wherein the BF and his friends all get together and act like retarded 12-year-olds on Xbox. More importantly, I'm not supposed to "waste bandwidth" because the BF, being the only homo and thus married to a man, was the only one able to talk his partner into

Comments

[hangingfire]

There is something hilarious, sad, and endearing all at once about the Halo group picture, I must say.

[hardvice]

Fortunately, I omitted all of the ghey that followed this--them streaming one after another through a "man cannon" (you just can't make this shit up), them blowing each other to bits with grenades in a display I can only compare to synchronised swimming, etc.

It took all of my power not to laugh.

[hangingfire]

...right. I'll be laughing about "man cannon" for the rest of the day.

[telie13]

ditto

[hardvice]

I think that might be the actual name of the gizmo, and not merely a nickname. I can't really think how to describe it. It's like a big energy glob that hurtles your little guy across the map when he steps into it.

Still, I use the fact that the BF largely ignores me to great effect. If I leave the room, I'm always sure to tell him something like "I'll be in the other room, firing my man cannon." Such jokes are somehow more fun when the recipient is completely oblivious to your existence.

[hangingfire]

So just for giggles, I googled "halo man cannon" and, by way of this Digg post found this article, which has the utterly glorious title "Halo 3 Man Cannon Sticky".

And according to Kotaku, that is indeed the real name of the thing.

[hardvice]

re: the "sticky" bit

Apparently, some of the grenades stick to people. I know this because there's a little running ticker that shows who killed whom in the face. It identifies certain types of kills, and many of them are rife with homoerotic double entendres--my favorite being "So-and-So stuck so-and-so". After laughing at this several times, I had it explained to me that the grenades stick. Or something.

"Whatever," says I, "You're the one who keeps getting stuck by big hairy men."

The fact that you can use your man cannon to stick someone, which I didn't know, is over the top. You can bet I'll be screaming "stick him with the man cannon!" next Thursday.

[hangingfire]

Man. This is even better than American football. "Tight ends" have nothing on "man cannons".

[hangingfire]

Dude, that "synchronized grenade ballet" needs some kind of caption.

I'm thinking something from a musical. "ONE DAY MORE!" Or "GOTTA DANCE!"

[hardvice]

Incidentally, I just looked for a photo of the man cannon ballet, but there is none.

There's video.

Alas, I can't figure out how to export it out of Xbox Live. But it is pretty priceless. It's like a Busby Berkeley number, only with lots of little Halo guys. And a man cannon.