HT100 Flash Fiction Challenge #3 - The Gift: Memento

Mar 07, 2004 14:07

Finally finished one-and under the word limit, too! 678 words. Many thanks to rowanfairchild for giving it a quick read-through.

Memento )

flashfic ch 003 the gift, w: actizera, flashfiction

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maverick4oz March 7 2004, 21:01:11 UTC
Glancing down, I had just enough time to notice that it was a spidery-thin silver bracelet before the sight of Shemin's hand pumping my cock made me come all over his shirt

What a way to open a story. LOL

The next time I saw it, it was lying on my pillow. It had been placed there carefully, curled into a circle precisely in the center.

This is such a Keller mindfuck thing to do. An after dinner mint on Toby's pillow. And you said you couldn't get into Keller's mind anymore. PShaw.

He had stopped before fleeing the scene and taken it off him, because teaching me a lesson was more important than anything else, even more important than evading capture. This, this is how he shows me that I belong to him. As if I needed to be shown.

Damn, this is chilling and perfect.

My face went hot as his lips just barely brushed the margin of my ear, and I snatched the headphones away from him and jumped to my feet. He was still leaning way forward in his chair, shirt and sweatshirt riding up to expose the last few bumps of his spine. I pretended not to notice and leaned down close to whisper in his ear. "You're one sick fuck, Keller."

"Ain't the first time I've heard that." He leaned back and scratched his chest lazily. "'Capable of fucking anything,' right?"

Ok, I need to see this scene. Like right fucking now. LOL And Waaaaaah, poor Keller.

After it had been flushed away, I walked to the edge of the pod and peered out into the darkness, where I could just make out Chris's shape. When I moved closer, so did he, and, for the first time in a long time, his smile wasn't smug at all.

And this is just the perfect ending. It just hurts so good.

Excellent work, my dear. I again stand in awe of you.

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actizera March 9 2004, 09:30:26 UTC
This is such a Keller mindfuck thing to do. An after dinner mint on Toby's pillow. And you said you couldn't get into Keller's mind anymore. PShaw.

Well, every once in a while I can describe stuff he would *do*, but I have a hell of a time trying to put his thoughts into words. I'm glad you thought this was plausible, though!

Ok, I need to see this scene. Like right fucking now. LOL And Waaaaaah, poor Keller.

LOL, I know what you mean. If it were up to me, we would have seen a lot more scenes like this on the show (you know, in the tradition of the "Your brother's cute; does he like to fool around?" scene).

Also, I like to make Keller touch himself. *g*

And this is just the perfect ending. It just hurts so good.

Thank you! You know how I have trouble writing endings, so I'm glad to hear that this worked.

Excellent work, my dear.

Thanks, Mav! I'm so happy you enjoyed it! : )

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