another weak metaphor when real words are lacking

[hardsethead]

I came out of the hospital no more than two months ago with a glass-plated forcefield as a pathetic attempt for healing but those who mattered most have forsaken my inability to return to past habits just yet as they dropkick and shatter the glass. I'm left without the feeble protection and new open sores from the shattering fiber that I cannot mend. I know I fucked up, I know that as I tried to lie to myself and go back to normal I neglected people who mattered and passions of my own, but I never thought everything I've lived for to the fullest would stomp me to the curb like this. My insides are still bleeding from surgery now and then and the physical memory of the most precious gift nature had given me has yet to fade now that she's gone, but the love spent and what mattered most in my world got up and ran and left me feeling the worst betrayal I could imagine. The shitty fetid void inside me is more real than I can describe, but no one quite understands its reality because it seems they underestimated how passionate my dedication to him was all along, including himself. Once again I play the inane fool, and though my jester's costume may be intangible, the King is laughing down at me with a smarmy grin. I know now that even the strongest of friendships and deepest of trust mean absolutely nothing, like a spiderweb in the face of a disgruntled house maid. Everytime my own cat tries to curl up against my chest to purr or a reference to the love one feels for one's child, I absolutely fall apart. Nothing will ever fill this hole and I will never feel such happiness again, I find it likely impossible I will approach anyone again without fearing being destroyed by them. I'm not sure what I initially did to deserve this, but the past seven years have been one giant conglomeration of constantly being shat upon, and every time I thought a smile might be coming on, the one who gifted me with that smile would intentionally wipe it off. I never had the chance to feel happiness that lasted long enough for me to cherish, and it's been so long now that I don't know how to form anything healthy with anyone.

I'm done.