(no subject)
I've been so sad. I don't have any ridiculous attempted metaphors for anyone this time, and no real explanation. I've been hanging out with Chris and Rick everyday, with Angie often there as well, and we go urban exploring amongst other crazy things...and even when we're all crammed on Chris's mattress watching Family Guy marathons, things still seem like I should be happy. The truth is I have a terrible unwarranted crush on someone who things the type of prettiness I hold is boring and uninteresting. Secretly, I'm everything he says he would want, but I cover everything with a huge fucking joke. I've destroyed myself so much over the past few years and i don't know how to repair any of it...
I want to do something with everyone in a search for answers to questions I don't know how to ask.
I want somebody to motivate me to change, to love again. to help me find myself. To find new creativity--new words to replace the trite ones that recently spill out of me. I have no motivation to make the improvements to myself and my life that I know are neccessary--I'm sleeping on an uncovered foam mattress with a pillow without a case, my floor is covered in tissues and dirty laundry and discarded sketches. My hair is grown out and fried, my brain is a mess, I'm never satisfied with what I wear or the things I say. I know what I want but I don't feel like getting up and doing it--and when I do, I do everything in the completely wrong way.
somebody help me. I don't know how one could do so, but I'd really love if you could help me figure this nothingness bullshit out.
I want to do something with everyone in a search for answers to questions I don't know how to ask.
I want somebody to motivate me to change, to love again. to help me find myself. To find new creativity--new words to replace the trite ones that recently spill out of me. I have no motivation to make the improvements to myself and my life that I know are neccessary--I'm sleeping on an uncovered foam mattress with a pillow without a case, my floor is covered in tissues and dirty laundry and discarded sketches. My hair is grown out and fried, my brain is a mess, I'm never satisfied with what I wear or the things I say. I know what I want but I don't feel like getting up and doing it--and when I do, I do everything in the completely wrong way.
somebody help me. I don't know how one could do so, but I'd really love if you could help me figure this nothingness bullshit out.