created on thursday
so here I am, the weekend before finals, in Miami. Yeah, thank you dad. The sad part is, he knew I need to pass 3 finals in order to graduate. I don't want to be here. I hate vacations. I hate my dad. I hate niggers and wiggers and Mexicans that either act like niggers or are to stupid to learn English. yet for some reason, I’m surrounded by all of these. Plus lets add to this. I’m missing Tuesday of next week because of this. so now I’m going to miss important reviews for finals AND I’m going to have to retake 2 CRTs. i hate that man. he’s already yelled at me multiple times today for me doing stuff but not doing his share of the work also. i dont want to be here, i need to study for finals, and i want to be away from my dad.....WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE
on an unrelated note, but still on the subject of things that piss me off. i recently found out that Sil dosent want to see me this summer. now, his is the one thing i have been waiting for, the one thing that i was confident would make this whole year worthwhile. now i have no idea if she truly loves me. how can you be saying "i love you" and "i wish you were here" when you dont even want to see the person your talking to. the only two conclusions iv come to are that she dosent love me or that shes cheeting on me. she has denied both, and i trust her mostly, but i still dont understand how you could say i love you and not want to see them. if i didnt love her so much, i would have broken up with her.
my best friend has a girlfriend and all i see them do is cuddling. it annoys the shit out of me because they do it in public and make out infront of me then deny it. then my friend complanes that he gets to see her so little. he sees her every day at school, some times after school, after school every friday, and also saturday or sunday, sometimes both. and he complanes about it all the time. i havent seen my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, and its going to continue onto 3. i barily get chances to talk to her, let alone hear the sound of her voice. i miss her, so much. id give anything to be with her. the weekend that i spent with her, the greatest time of my life. and now i have to wait another year, or more if she contiues in this mood. she is the best thing that happened to my sad, pittifull life and to this day i wonder why i threw up those pills, why i stoped the knife from going in my chest.
on an unrelated note, but still on the subject of things that piss me off. i recently found out that Sil dosent want to see me this summer. now, his is the one thing i have been waiting for, the one thing that i was confident would make this whole year worthwhile. now i have no idea if she truly loves me. how can you be saying "i love you" and "i wish you were here" when you dont even want to see the person your talking to. the only two conclusions iv come to are that she dosent love me or that shes cheeting on me. she has denied both, and i trust her mostly, but i still dont understand how you could say i love you and not want to see them. if i didnt love her so much, i would have broken up with her.
my best friend has a girlfriend and all i see them do is cuddling. it annoys the shit out of me because they do it in public and make out infront of me then deny it. then my friend complanes that he gets to see her so little. he sees her every day at school, some times after school, after school every friday, and also saturday or sunday, sometimes both. and he complanes about it all the time. i havent seen my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, and its going to continue onto 3. i barily get chances to talk to her, let alone hear the sound of her voice. i miss her, so much. id give anything to be with her. the weekend that i spent with her, the greatest time of my life. and now i have to wait another year, or more if she contiues in this mood. she is the best thing that happened to my sad, pittifull life and to this day i wonder why i threw up those pills, why i stoped the knife from going in my chest.