(no subject)
So I talked to Mike twice today...
But before I did I called his house and talked to Christina about everything...She's the closest thing to a sister I have anymore so I can tell her how I'm feeling. After that I called Anthony to see if Mike was there so I could find out if the band was going to the movies or not. He wasn't there, Anthony had just dropped him off, so I ended up talking to him on the phone for a little bit. We talked about him and Jenna and me and Mike. How we both miss the other person and are mad at them at the same time... I was feeling fine until he blurted out, "yea well Mike hasn't been really dealing with it lately "snicker"... he's been doped up for like the last couple days nonstop. haha" I was crushed... I started to cry a little and then I said, "well, I don't care that he does it I just wish he would tell me."
Then we started to talk about some other stuff and I don't know how it came around, but he said, "Mike said he just needs to get laid. That he needed to just find someone and get laid." That REALLY killed everything inside of me. I started really crying but trying not to let him know how much it hurt... then I said I had to go and got off the phone.
I got really mad and packed up every piece of clothing of his that was clean and shoved it in a garbage bag "ready to dispose of." Then I called him for like 20 mintues non-stop but the phone was busy.
When I finally got through I had calmed down and talked to his mom for like 25 mintues. She told me she's just as confused as me about what happened and she told me he hasn't talked to her about it cause whenever she asks he says he doesn't want to get into it. she told me she understands what I'm going through cause she went through it with Kevin and he never told her what happened either. (he kinda did what mike did only mikes talking to me) Then she said it will get better and that I just need to wait a while for him to come around. She thinks this will be over in a couple months or less. She said he did the dishes cause it was either help out around the house or get out. And that if I ever need to talk to her I can just call.
It was a big help talking to her because whenever I try to talk to my mom about it she ignores me... literally. I actually asked her today if she was ignoring me and she said kinda yea. (she's never been there for me anyway, why should she start now?)
Her phone started dying so she got on the other one and gave Mike the phone. I was in a MUCH better mood and just told him what Anthony said. Anthony's been saying shit for a while now... I don't even know why I called him today. He admitted that he has smoked pot, but only twice. I don't even care about that anymore. When I told him the other part his voice started shaking and he almost started to cry saying,"I would never say that, I'm not even in the mood to have sex. I'm not ready and I definately wouldn't just go out and find someone." I asked him if he was ok, and he said yea just mad.
The rest of the phone conversation was ok, and we end it now with just a simple "bye" No more I love you!!! : ]
I'm getting better day by day, and writing in my journal less and less.
The only thing I'm upset about is he did it two days after the anniversary of my grams death and almost a week before my birthday. So I told my mom I didn't want to celebrate it this year at all. I told her this month always sucks and that I don't want to celebrate anything in it. She doesn't even care, she's like..."haha good, no party!" Well, that's her anyway. She probably won't even say happy birthday or anything, O-well.
Who cares... I'm just glad I'v decided not to talk to Anthony anmore unless Mikes around cause he's obviously just trying to get me to not want anything to do with Mike. He was even like this the night before I kicked Mike out. Mike's angry at him, but he's not going to say anything because I'll be in the middle of it, and Anthony will be mad at me. I don't care.... I just want him to stop running his mouth!!!
Well, there's much more, but I have other things to do and my hands are getting tired. So, ttyl all.<333
But before I did I called his house and talked to Christina about everything...She's the closest thing to a sister I have anymore so I can tell her how I'm feeling. After that I called Anthony to see if Mike was there so I could find out if the band was going to the movies or not. He wasn't there, Anthony had just dropped him off, so I ended up talking to him on the phone for a little bit. We talked about him and Jenna and me and Mike. How we both miss the other person and are mad at them at the same time... I was feeling fine until he blurted out, "yea well Mike hasn't been really dealing with it lately "snicker"... he's been doped up for like the last couple days nonstop. haha" I was crushed... I started to cry a little and then I said, "well, I don't care that he does it I just wish he would tell me."
Then we started to talk about some other stuff and I don't know how it came around, but he said, "Mike said he just needs to get laid. That he needed to just find someone and get laid." That REALLY killed everything inside of me. I started really crying but trying not to let him know how much it hurt... then I said I had to go and got off the phone.
I got really mad and packed up every piece of clothing of his that was clean and shoved it in a garbage bag "ready to dispose of." Then I called him for like 20 mintues non-stop but the phone was busy.
When I finally got through I had calmed down and talked to his mom for like 25 mintues. She told me she's just as confused as me about what happened and she told me he hasn't talked to her about it cause whenever she asks he says he doesn't want to get into it. she told me she understands what I'm going through cause she went through it with Kevin and he never told her what happened either. (he kinda did what mike did only mikes talking to me) Then she said it will get better and that I just need to wait a while for him to come around. She thinks this will be over in a couple months or less. She said he did the dishes cause it was either help out around the house or get out. And that if I ever need to talk to her I can just call.
It was a big help talking to her because whenever I try to talk to my mom about it she ignores me... literally. I actually asked her today if she was ignoring me and she said kinda yea. (she's never been there for me anyway, why should she start now?)
Her phone started dying so she got on the other one and gave Mike the phone. I was in a MUCH better mood and just told him what Anthony said. Anthony's been saying shit for a while now... I don't even know why I called him today. He admitted that he has smoked pot, but only twice. I don't even care about that anymore. When I told him the other part his voice started shaking and he almost started to cry saying,"I would never say that, I'm not even in the mood to have sex. I'm not ready and I definately wouldn't just go out and find someone." I asked him if he was ok, and he said yea just mad.
The rest of the phone conversation was ok, and we end it now with just a simple "bye" No more I love you!!! : ]
I'm getting better day by day, and writing in my journal less and less.
The only thing I'm upset about is he did it two days after the anniversary of my grams death and almost a week before my birthday. So I told my mom I didn't want to celebrate it this year at all. I told her this month always sucks and that I don't want to celebrate anything in it. She doesn't even care, she's like..."haha good, no party!" Well, that's her anyway. She probably won't even say happy birthday or anything, O-well.
Who cares... I'm just glad I'v decided not to talk to Anthony anmore unless Mikes around cause he's obviously just trying to get me to not want anything to do with Mike. He was even like this the night before I kicked Mike out. Mike's angry at him, but he's not going to say anything because I'll be in the middle of it, and Anthony will be mad at me. I don't care.... I just want him to stop running his mouth!!!
Well, there's much more, but I have other things to do and my hands are getting tired. So, ttyl all.<333