I can't do this anymore...
I feel like I'm dying.....
I want to die....
I know it wouldn't hurt anymore,
and I would be with the one person I need to see.
I just wish she was here,
I miss her so much.
It fucking sucks not having a sister to confide in,
have fights with,
and in the end make-up.
She's gone and I will never see her again....
until I die.
I just wish he would have done me in instead of her.
I was the one who was ASKING for it.
But no.
I'm still here,
and she's not.
Everyone's forgetting.
I don't talk to anyone about her anymore,
cause everyone thinks I've gotten over it.
The only one who knows what I'm going through are my pathfinder friends.
And I haven't talked to them in a long time.
I keep sleeping,
wishing she would just show up in one of my dreams,
I need some advice.... from her.
I want to know what she thinks of me,
and what I'm doing with my life.
If she is proud or ashamed.
I'm ashamed of myself.
For not writing this a long time ago.
I don't care if it sounds like I'm gonna off myself,
I'm just getting my feelings out.
And I haven't been this depressed in a long time.
And no ones here to talk to.
I'm alone with my parents....
and Mike doesn't give two shits about me.
If he did, he would have called already.
But no, he doesn't know that I want to die....
And if he did, he probably wouldn't care anyway.
And that's the hardest part.
Not having the one person who I need to care about me, care.
I guess I'm gonna have to figure things out for myself like always.
Hopefully things are gonna work out,
cause if they don't I'll probably end up someplace where they hand out meds every hour.
Wouldn't that be nice.
I'll probably cave in and call him....
I wish I was stronger,
but I can't do it anymore.
There's only so much I can take.
well, off to sulk in a corner.
I'll write more about my depressing life later.
bfn <333333