(no subject)
I am tired of living here i am tired of being 21 and being told what to do all the time. Sometimes i feel like someone addicted to crack in a way. I know it is weird but work with me. My house is like crack it is something that i don't want to be around anymore i want to break free from it and be out on my own not needing to rely on it every single waking moment but for some reason i can't bring myself to leave i can't seem to go without it. It makes me feel bad it makes me sad but everyday i am thinking about it wondering what is going on and when i will be there next and when i go home if it will be to welcomes or lectures and guilt trips. I wish the rest of the world could see the home that i see and not the show that is but infront of everyones face. I am sick of certain people wondering what other people are thinking more than wether her family is happy. Always compareing you to people who are abviously so much better. I wish i could find and aparment and move out and have my family be happy for me instead of telling me that wanting to get out on my own would either a.) "be a very immature thing to do" and then wonder why i can't grow up like all of her friends children (who by the way have been out on there own for some time now!!!) or b.)something that i am doing to break the family apart. I don't know what i am supposed to do i am not the glue of this family. I feel stuck here like a mouse stick in a trap knowing that it was a trap but being so addicted to cheese it couldn't resist. The only person that i think would care how i looked to others or where i lived is Jamie. I honestly think that she would love me if i lived in a cardboard box!!! She is the glue holding my life together. She is the thing that keeps me smiling!!! If anyone on here wants to talk about maybe getting an apt or something if this thing with my friend doesn't go through ( which for some reason i think it won't) then get back with me. I will talk to you all soon.