Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt.
The other day I was writing this really good entry and it got deleted somehow. I got upset and haven't wanted to really put forth the effort to write since. It was too good to be able to replicate. Anyway.
I had another dream last night, first one I can remember since the last one I documented. All I remember is that I was moving and I had committed to taking my friend ashlee's place but then went and visited jessica gimmule's apartment and wanted to take her room instead. It was such an ordeal because they were both really trying hard to make me choose their apartment and I think I ended up choosing Jessica's and Ashlee got mad. What cliche names my girl aquaintances have.
"We need to talk about our situation."
"Ok shoot"
"I really like you but i dont know how its going to work with you leaving. I think it'll be better if we start spacing ourselves from each other before we get too close"
"If that is how you feel then I can't change your mind. Sucks but whatever."
"I'm not trying to hurt you I just want what is best for us right now. It's been on my mind and I had to tell you. I hope we are still friends"
"Thats the part I dont get. If its been on your mind why you would say how much you wanted to see me last night and how much you missed me? I have 20 days left here and I really doubt that if I have barely see you and we are dating that i'll see you as a friend. I'm sorry but I'm calling it like I see it. It's not like i'm gonna hate on you, but we weren't friends before so I doubt we'll be friends after."
"this isnt easy for me either you know. you would rather do it now then later right?"
"thats not the type of person i am really to be honest. I like to take things day by day and enjoy things rather than worry about what is going to happen..you cant enjoy life if that is how you live it. but i understand that not everyone can think like that."
"I understand where you are coming from but I can't do that."
"Its cool, I understand. Good luck with everything."
"Okay I hope you still want to be friends with me but I hope everything works out for you."
No response.
"Why do we dig ourselves into holes?"
"because we think we can fix them
right back up
when they get too deep and start caving in"
I had another dream last night, first one I can remember since the last one I documented. All I remember is that I was moving and I had committed to taking my friend ashlee's place but then went and visited jessica gimmule's apartment and wanted to take her room instead. It was such an ordeal because they were both really trying hard to make me choose their apartment and I think I ended up choosing Jessica's and Ashlee got mad. What cliche names my girl aquaintances have.
"We need to talk about our situation."
"Ok shoot"
"I really like you but i dont know how its going to work with you leaving. I think it'll be better if we start spacing ourselves from each other before we get too close"
"If that is how you feel then I can't change your mind. Sucks but whatever."
"I'm not trying to hurt you I just want what is best for us right now. It's been on my mind and I had to tell you. I hope we are still friends"
"Thats the part I dont get. If its been on your mind why you would say how much you wanted to see me last night and how much you missed me? I have 20 days left here and I really doubt that if I have barely see you and we are dating that i'll see you as a friend. I'm sorry but I'm calling it like I see it. It's not like i'm gonna hate on you, but we weren't friends before so I doubt we'll be friends after."
"this isnt easy for me either you know. you would rather do it now then later right?"
"thats not the type of person i am really to be honest. I like to take things day by day and enjoy things rather than worry about what is going to happen..you cant enjoy life if that is how you live it. but i understand that not everyone can think like that."
"I understand where you are coming from but I can't do that."
"Its cool, I understand. Good luck with everything."
"Okay I hope you still want to be friends with me but I hope everything works out for you."
No response.
"Why do we dig ourselves into holes?"
"because we think we can fix them
right back up
when they get too deep and start caving in"