FUCKING GRAND!
my fucking car is dead.
like rest in peace for a few months dead.
it kept dying, and now it just wont turn on!!!
about a quart of brake fluid leaked out at one time like a flood when i pulled up and parked at my grandma's house.
and when i finally got home after being stranded for like 15 min, it died before i could park it, and started smoking like crazy.
now it wont turn on.
all my fluids are good, its not the radiator... its not overheating...
its just fucking... dead.
the part i need is $800, plus an additional $169 for the master cylinder, and however much the rear discs/pads/shoes are, the read cylinders, AND the spark plugs.
oh and i need an oil change.
i love it.
i want to shoot myself in the face right now.
im going to have to quit my new fucking woderfully amazing job because of this bullshit.
im sick of dealing with shit!!!
i know im strong enough, but things NEVER GET GOOD!!! EVER!!!! like a day after they do they go to fucking shit again.
i got woken up at 10 this morning.
i have had such a long, hot, hard, exhausting week, and my step sis fucking woke me up so my neice could watch tv. FUCKING WATCH TV!!! BUT DONT FUCKING WAKE ME UP!!!!
ugh!!!
man it drives me crazy sometimes.
all i want to do right now is lay in bed and cry.
for once i just wish that the bullshit would go away...
that for once shit would be alright again.
my only true happiness that lasted about a week in february,
has long since disappeared, and im growing tired.
i dont know if i want to take any of this anymore.
i dont know if i want to fucking exist. period.
i love the people i hang out with, but sometimes i wonder if its worth it.
im just fucking fighting so that i can die in the end.
im sick of not having any control over bullshit.
why do bad things happen to good people?
why do bad things seem to constantly happen to me?
am i bad person? do i deserve this shit??
ive fucking changed so much to this purely honest, real, true, loving caring person...
and it doesnt even matter.
shit still sucks, and theres nothing i can do about it, but make-believe that it was all get better overnight.
i wish.
time to smoke my brains away, and cry myself to sleep .
its been a while since i experienced that.
prolly since me and james broke up.
i had a dream about him last night.
fuck i miss that.
things were good.
but alas, that was just another wonderfully too good to be true thing....
that was just that...
too good to be true.
im sick of having my heart and soul ripped out and put down the garbage disposal.
i miss you.
i just want to be loved right now.
just want to be held, and kissed, and forget about all of this.
like rest in peace for a few months dead.
it kept dying, and now it just wont turn on!!!
about a quart of brake fluid leaked out at one time like a flood when i pulled up and parked at my grandma's house.
and when i finally got home after being stranded for like 15 min, it died before i could park it, and started smoking like crazy.
now it wont turn on.
all my fluids are good, its not the radiator... its not overheating...
its just fucking... dead.
the part i need is $800, plus an additional $169 for the master cylinder, and however much the rear discs/pads/shoes are, the read cylinders, AND the spark plugs.
oh and i need an oil change.
i love it.
i want to shoot myself in the face right now.
im going to have to quit my new fucking woderfully amazing job because of this bullshit.
im sick of dealing with shit!!!
i know im strong enough, but things NEVER GET GOOD!!! EVER!!!! like a day after they do they go to fucking shit again.
i got woken up at 10 this morning.
i have had such a long, hot, hard, exhausting week, and my step sis fucking woke me up so my neice could watch tv. FUCKING WATCH TV!!! BUT DONT FUCKING WAKE ME UP!!!!
ugh!!!
man it drives me crazy sometimes.
all i want to do right now is lay in bed and cry.
for once i just wish that the bullshit would go away...
that for once shit would be alright again.
my only true happiness that lasted about a week in february,
has long since disappeared, and im growing tired.
i dont know if i want to take any of this anymore.
i dont know if i want to fucking exist. period.
i love the people i hang out with, but sometimes i wonder if its worth it.
im just fucking fighting so that i can die in the end.
im sick of not having any control over bullshit.
why do bad things happen to good people?
why do bad things seem to constantly happen to me?
am i bad person? do i deserve this shit??
ive fucking changed so much to this purely honest, real, true, loving caring person...
and it doesnt even matter.
shit still sucks, and theres nothing i can do about it, but make-believe that it was all get better overnight.
i wish.
time to smoke my brains away, and cry myself to sleep .
its been a while since i experienced that.
prolly since me and james broke up.
i had a dream about him last night.
fuck i miss that.
things were good.
but alas, that was just another wonderfully too good to be true thing....
that was just that...
too good to be true.
im sick of having my heart and soul ripped out and put down the garbage disposal.
i miss you.
i just want to be loved right now.
just want to be held, and kissed, and forget about all of this.