rock bottom..again
cant someone send a disaster clean up crew over my way?
i am in major lack of happiness
i think i have a terrible habbit of liveing in the past. for example sitting in my room all day thinking aoubt how i was feeling or doing last year at that specefic time.
i've donei t since i was 14..and hwen i try not to..i find myself hanging out iwth peop0le i really DONT like and places i DONT wana be, jsut cause i dont want to be alone and thinking aobut being sad.
like last ngiht.
i went to a concert with tara n sean and mike.
everytime we go, it starts off ok, but ends up blowing up.
tara and mike founght for hte entire 7 hours
mike was wasted and threw up outa the window on 84
and i was late again.
mom didnt care taht much casue i called but i ididnt get home till 2 AM.
waste of money and time
i wana go to a party.
we newver ended up goinmg to the asylum renunion sunday..di kwaht ahppend but i hope shes ok.
i wana go to ultra but i have no one to go with since cara will go with justin and im not really frineds with anyone else who is going anymore.
i saw hugh yesterday.
it wasnt bad..i was geting siomething at shaws and when i walked out he pulled up next to me n we talked for like 10 mintues.
i found that he was as lonley as i was. i guess it jsut wokrewd out that we were jsut rebounds for eachother and htere are no hard feelings now.
so many fucking guys piss me off. i went to this kids hosue in bethel 2 nuights ago with nick and this kid mikey was all over me. like putting his hands around my stomach and trying to get me to sit one him. eventually i jsut said back off, but i thoguth hed get teh hint by me ignoring him and leaving early.
and the guys who come in to subway..jesus.
one kid sits there and lsitened to me talk for an hour. not even to him..to the other ppl i woek with. he didnt even eat anything. jsut got a sandwich n sat there.
i think i dont like people when i know htey like me.
i like what i can't have,
for instance.
my "future husband"-what i like to call him. comes in to work alot. i've yet to talk to him but every day i hope he comes in. he didnt come in at all this week..so i hoope he diidnt go to school or soemthing. =(
i need something new in my life.
oher than school..which is just a bad flashback everytime i walk on taht campus..theres nothing new that happned.
i dont even care what it is, i jsut hope someone hears me and sends me someoene to love.
or even jsut firneds for taht matter.
i can't remember how it feels to be in a euphoric state. i used to get it from life..tehn from e..and now i can't feel it in real life anymore. has soemthign changed in my chemistry..or am i just seriously lacking human contact?
i am in major lack of happiness
i think i have a terrible habbit of liveing in the past. for example sitting in my room all day thinking aoubt how i was feeling or doing last year at that specefic time.
i've donei t since i was 14..and hwen i try not to..i find myself hanging out iwth peop0le i really DONT like and places i DONT wana be, jsut cause i dont want to be alone and thinking aobut being sad.
like last ngiht.
i went to a concert with tara n sean and mike.
everytime we go, it starts off ok, but ends up blowing up.
tara and mike founght for hte entire 7 hours
mike was wasted and threw up outa the window on 84
and i was late again.
mom didnt care taht much casue i called but i ididnt get home till 2 AM.
waste of money and time
i wana go to a party.
we newver ended up goinmg to the asylum renunion sunday..di kwaht ahppend but i hope shes ok.
i wana go to ultra but i have no one to go with since cara will go with justin and im not really frineds with anyone else who is going anymore.
i saw hugh yesterday.
it wasnt bad..i was geting siomething at shaws and when i walked out he pulled up next to me n we talked for like 10 mintues.
i found that he was as lonley as i was. i guess it jsut wokrewd out that we were jsut rebounds for eachother and htere are no hard feelings now.
so many fucking guys piss me off. i went to this kids hosue in bethel 2 nuights ago with nick and this kid mikey was all over me. like putting his hands around my stomach and trying to get me to sit one him. eventually i jsut said back off, but i thoguth hed get teh hint by me ignoring him and leaving early.
and the guys who come in to subway..jesus.
one kid sits there and lsitened to me talk for an hour. not even to him..to the other ppl i woek with. he didnt even eat anything. jsut got a sandwich n sat there.
i think i dont like people when i know htey like me.
i like what i can't have,
for instance.
my "future husband"-what i like to call him. comes in to work alot. i've yet to talk to him but every day i hope he comes in. he didnt come in at all this week..so i hoope he diidnt go to school or soemthing. =(
i need something new in my life.
oher than school..which is just a bad flashback everytime i walk on taht campus..theres nothing new that happned.
i dont even care what it is, i jsut hope someone hears me and sends me someoene to love.
or even jsut firneds for taht matter.
i can't remember how it feels to be in a euphoric state. i used to get it from life..tehn from e..and now i can't feel it in real life anymore. has soemthign changed in my chemistry..or am i just seriously lacking human contact?