[Log] Isshin Kurosaki, Kisuke Urahara
Title: Life Goes On Without Her
Characters: Isshin Kurosaki (corelle), Kisuke Urahara (lcpdragonslayer)
Timeline: September 16, 1936
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Isshin is lost after Masaki's death; Kisuke pays him a visit and tries to set things back on track.
Masaki’s death had come at a shock, not only to the Kurosaki family but to everyone who knew them as well. Kisuke had seen her on numerous occasions - even talked to her, and she was gentle, and kind, and there was a lot of love in the family. Being a close friend of Isshin’s, he had a vague idea of how much her death would impact him.
But this... This could not continue. How long was Isshin going to stay like this? He had children to look after, and even though Masaki’s death had been sudden and devastating, the world still went on without her. Kisuke didn’t want to make her death seem like something light, but... there was life after Masaki, too, and Isshin had to see that.
So here he was, after his long day at Black Cat Lounge and way past what was considered ‘ordinary visiting other peoples’ houses’ time, standing outside the Kurosaki residence’s door with two big, unopened bottles of whiskey and a small bag of food dangling from his hands. It was a bit hard to knock and balance the drinks in his hands at the same time, so he settled for kicking the door lightly.
“Isshin~” he called out a little, not wanting to wake up the entire street. “It’s Kisuke...”
The house was dark, the only light coming from the windows. Isshin sat in his recliner, head tilted back and eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep, the quiet of the house waking him every so often. The kids were at a relative of Masaki’s, a cousin or something, the same place they’d been staying for the past week. He knew it was wrong sending them off, knew that they needed him now more than ever but it was just too much.
It wasn’t just Masaki’s death anymore…now that fucking murderer was under government protection. All for some information. And no one was even trying to fight it. Damn, useless EADA. He groaned, rubbing his forehead. Shit, he didn’t want to think about it anymore, didn’t want to think about anything at all…
Knocking coming from the front of the house caught his attention and he frowned. Who could that be at this hour? He stood and walked to the door, listening carefully. Kisuke?
Isshin opened the door peering into the darkness. It was Kisuke, holding…was that whiskey…and food? His stomach growled suddenly, he hadn’t eaten in…well he couldn’t quite remember. Stepping back he gestured for Kisuke to enter. “Come in.”
Isshin's growling stomach confirmed Kisuke's suspicion of the man not having eaten in a while. He stepped in and removed his shoes, pushing them off to one side before stepping in.
"I brought some food in case you were hungry~" he said, his cheery voice in stark contrast to the morose, gloomy atmosphere in the dimly-lit house. He placed the takeaway box onto the dining table and set the two bottles of whiskey down, shaking his hands off a little as he finally relieved the tension in his hands.
"Smells good, doesn't it~" he said in an almost teasing voice as he helped himself to two glasses, some ice and a set of eating utensils, adding them to the assortment of items on the dining room table. "I had the chef make something real quick before he left for the night."
He looked up to Isshin's face, which was barely illuminated by the dimness in the house. The blond was smiling - or at least, trying his best to. It was the least he could do for his friend; he did not come here with the intention to make the scene any worse or sadder than it already was.
"Sit down and grab a bite?"
Isshin watched quietly as Kisuke made him self busy setting the table. The blond sure was trying hard to be cheerful; it was kind of annoying actually. He didn’t want cheerful, he wanted quiet.
However, Kisuke was his friend and he was a little lonely for company. Plus the food did smell pretty good. He slowly drifted over to the table and pulled out a chair, sitting down. “What is it?”
Kisuke pulled out the chair next to Isshin’s and sat down slowly. “Just some spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread - you like them, don’t you?” he asked.
It was getting increasingly difficult to keep the mood buoyant in the place, and his smile faded a little. He did not want to be overly cheerful - as if it was not as grave, as if he was trying too hard to change things. It wasn’t... But seeing Isshin like this, it...
He closed his eyes and sighed quietly. He didn’t know - who was he to pretend to know what the hell he was doing, visiting Isshin at this time of the night, bringing supper and drinks. He just... He could not just stand there on the side and watch everything crumble and fall apart.
“Are the kids sleeping?” he asked, noticing how quiet the place was.
“The kids?” He picked at his slice of bread and took a small bite, chewing slowly. “Probably by now…they’re at a cousin’s house. Have been all week.”
He glanced at Kisuke. “Rather not talk about it.”
Grabbing a glass, he filled it to the brim with whiskey then drained half the liquid in one go. The alcohol hit instantly, his head swimming briefly, making him feel slightly ill. Perhaps he should actually eat something before he got sick. He finished off his bread quietly, twirling his glass in his hand. Looking at Kisuke again, he frowned slightly. “Not going to make me drink alone are you?”
Kisuke’s gaze softened a little. All week...? Well... He supposed it was good that they were being taken care of, but... Isshin...
“No, of course not~” he said, and reached over for the open bottle of whiskey. The blond had a low alcohol tolerance, so he only filled his glass to a little over halfway. The last thing he wanted was to get inebriated beyond control and say something that warranted being kicked out of the house.
Or do something else that was totally inappropriate for the occasion.
Isshin was... just a friend, after all. That did not change despite... Despite the kinds of thoughts he would increasingly entertain when he was idle in his office, despite Masaki’s death.
His facial expression contorted a little as he sipped the alcohol. It left a lasting burn in the back of his throat, and he coughed a little. He did not think he could ever get quite used to this.
“I don’t know how you drink this stuff, Isshin. Tastes like torture in a cup.”
Isshin snorted bitterly and downed the rest of his drink. “Torture? You have no idea what torture is.”
Refilling his glass, he turned to face Kisuke. It struck him suddenly just how pretty the other man was in the pale moonlight. It had always been there in the back of his mind, this attraction he felt towards the blond but with Masaki around…god, Masaki. His following question came unbidden. “Have you ever lost any one you loved?”
Well... Kisuke did not mean torture like that... He drained the cup without thinking about it too much, letting it sit in his mouth for a little while before swallowing. He topped up his glass a little fuller this time.
At Isshin’s question, his mind immediately went back to his younger days, when he watched his mother die from the Spanish Flu right before his eyes. He saw what it did to his father - knew very vividly how it impacted him, as an eight year old who knew nothing about the world. He could also remember waking up in the cool morning, walking in to the furniture shop, and the entire scene of death and gore consuming him.
“No,” Kisuke said, his hard gaze softening as he smiled. “Apart from my parents, anyway.”
He sighed quietly after taking a sip of his whiskey, lowering it to the table. He twirled the glass a bit as he thought. “I don’t know what it’s like - and I’m not going to pretend I do. I’m just...”
His smile widened, even if his gaze remained fixated on the glass. “I’m here, anyway. It’s all I can do.”
Guilt rolled through him at the look on Kisuke’s face. What the hell was he doing dragging Kisuke down with him? What kind of friend was he? Definitely not the kind that deserved someone so caring and thoughtful.
“You don’t have to stay you know…you can go home if you like. Not that I don’t appreciate you coming over!” He didn’t want the man to think he was ungrateful after all.
“It’s just…” He sighed miserably and gulped down a few swallows of liquor before continuing, his words barely audible. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore…”
Kisuke shrugged. Even if he were to go home, there was nothing to go home to. He would just hit the sheets and snooze until it was time to get up and go back to Black Cat Lounge to work. He reached over for the whiskey bottle and topped up Isshin’s drink on instinct. He was not too sure if he wanted Isshin to be drinking, like this, but... Well. Isshin was at home anyway, and there was no one here.
“Well~ I don’t know, Isshin. What do you want to do? Where would you like to go from here?” Kisuke asked. “It’s not going to be easy - times are hard, and you have three kids to look after by yourself now, but... You’re not alone. You still have friends who will be here to help you along the way.”
Kisuke drank more of the whiskey, and looked up at Isshin. “You can’t stay like this forever, Isshin. What about the kids? You have to be strong, not only for yourself, but for them as well. I’m sure that’s what Masaki wants, too.”
Anger. White hot anger. What the hell did Kisuke know what Masaki wanted! He jumped up and started pacing the room, running a hand through his hair. He needed to calm down…now, before he did something stupid and lost his best friend.
“Don’t know…don’t know what I want…” He was talking more to himself by this point, muttering quietly, snippets of conversation floating through the tense air. “Can’t just stand by and watch people…get hurt, taken advantage of…the kids…”
He turned to Kisuke, eyes desperate. “But I’m not a cop anymore…what’s left?”
Panic and uncertainty choked him and he reached out, grasping Kisuke’s shoulder hard. “What’s left?”
Kisuke leaned back a little when Isshin spontaneously erupted from his seat and walked off. He had not meant to say anything... Isshin...
His hands curled up a little as Isshin gripped onto his shoulder. What was he supposed to say? Isshin was losing it and really all he wanted to do was punch the man and yell at him to sort his stuff out.
He held on to Isshin’s shoulders to steady the older man. “Isshin - listen.”
“Listen...”
His gaze met Isshin’s, and he held the other man’s eyes. “Everything is left. Masaki... she was a lot - a whole lot - but she wasn’t everything. You still have this house, where all her memories still live. You still have kids who need you right now more than anyone else. You still have...”
You still have me...
“You have yourself - you can find a job easily with your kind of skills. If you want to help people, you could become... become a firefighter, or a private investigator, or something. More than ever, you can do anything you want to, Isshin. But... you can’t be like this forever.”
Swallowing thickly, Isshin loosened his grip on Kisuke’s shoulder. “You’re right…of course you’re right…”
PI huh? He actually liked the sound of that…he liked helping people…he’d have more freedom in his job…
He looked at Kisuke; really looked at the other man. His best friend. He smiled weakly, running his hand from Kisuke’s shoulder to the back of the man’s neck, tugging him close until their foreheads touched, voice low and rough with emotion. “What would I do without you I wonder?”
He was relieved that Isshin had calmed down a bit now, and smiled a little, relaxing his shoulders. He was a little too close to Isshin - could feel Isshin’s warm, whiskey-laced breath against his lips, and it made him want to- Want to...
Kisuke pulled back a bit. It felt like the old Isshin was coming back again - the Isshin he knew; the Isshin everyone knew, and it was... comforting.
“All sorts of odd things,” the blond replied, chuckling a bit as he ruffled up the tousled locks of hair on the back of his head.
It felt nice having Kisuke so close and it made something in him stir. He smiled fondly and stepped closer to the blond. “You remember when I found out your limp is fake?”
He stroked his thumb across Kisuke’s cheek softly. “Such a pretty blush.”
Kisuke felt his breath lodge in the middle of his throat when he felt Isshin’s touch on his cheek. What the hell was Isshin saying? He tensed and leaned back a little, ever so slightly. This was bad. And whose stunning idea was it to bring all that whiskey?
Oh yeah. Mine.
A shuddered breath escaped Kisuke’s lips. “Isshin...” he said quietly, swallowing.
“This isn’t... I- ...you...”
Humming quietly, he leaned in closer. “Yeah, probably not the best idea huh?” However, with the whiskey slinking through his system, it seemed like a damned good idea. He continued on, his words nothing more than a low murmur.
“Always wondered what it’d be like…” Tilting Kisuke’s head back he brushed his lips lightly against the blonde’s; grip loose enough to give Kisuke chance to pull away...if he really wanted to.
This was... bad... sort of. No, well. Kisuke did not know what this was, exactly. A small part of him was twirling around in the insanity of the situation, and wanted to keep him still and let whatever happens... happen.
But it wasn’t right. This was Isshin - Isshin who had just lost Masaki. What were they doing?
But Isshin was talking in that voice and Kisuke’s body didn’t really feel like moving at all and everything was just spiralling out of control.
Despite himself, Kisuke’s eyes slowly fluttered close, and he slowly relaxed in Isshin’s presence. This was what he’d been wanting, for a long time, but he had never dared to think and hope because Masaki was around, because Isshin had kids and he was happy with Masaki and everything.
But now... Now...
Kisuke’s fingers curled into the fabric of Isshin’s shirt, holding on to the older man’s frame as he pressed his lips against Isshin’s, moaning quietly.
Kisuke’s moan cut through him, making him pull back gasping. What the hell was he doing? Gut instinct told him that yes; he wanted this, always had on some level, yet…
He pulled Kisuke up tight; ignoring all warning signs…he was good at that, whispering urgently in the blonde’s ear, desperation clear in his voice.
“Sorry…just…please, just…stay…for tonight...” He nipped at Kisuke’s ear, tugging lightly. “Just stay…”
Light pants escaped quivering lips when Isshin’s lips left his, and his eyes fluttered open again. He shouldn’t stay - he only came to bring Isshin some food, alcohol and, yes, keep him company, but only for a little while. He didn’t come here... to do this with Isshin.
Isshin was asking so little yet so much from him, and Kisuke’s lips moved, but he did not know what to say.
“I...” He wrapped his arms around Isshin, holding him. He was equally to blame for all this.
“Okay,” he said softly. “Okay. I’ll stay for as long as you want me to.”
Something tight and dark uncurled within him, giving way to something else all together…something Kisuke. He laughed warily.
“You may regret that offer..." He nosed into Kisuke’s sloppy mane. “Couch folds out...”
Kisuke chuckled. “Does it~” he teased, sighing softly and contentedly.
“Not promising you anything though~ Just that I’ll stay as long as you like...” That’s probably what Isshin needed at the moment, anyway.
His hands slid down Isshin’s warm back, over the shirt as if they were smoothing out the creases, down to rest on Isshin’s hips. He had never... really... Well. He had thought about it, probably countless times by now, but he never... got to feel it. Never got to feel Isshin and the muscles rippling underneath his fingers.
This was all so wrong and all so right at the same time. He wondered if Masaki ever... Isshin didn’t seem to mind - he was the one who instigated this, even, and it was... Did she know? And since when did things become like this? Was it since that time Isshin grabbed his hat?
Or was it long before that? Was it wrong of him to like a man? Was it wrong of him to like a married man, even - and now that his wife was dead, was this not... even worse?
"Why... Why are we doing this, Isshin?"
Why?
The question echoed through his head, making him pull back, studying Kisuke’s face. Why?
Taking a deep breath, he spoke, soothing his hands down Kisuke’s back. “Because I’ve always…never been particular…and you’re so…” He laughed, shaking his head. “Well, not so sure really.”
He sighed softly. “All I do know is that this isn’t new. Took me awhile to realize it for what it was but…”
Shrugging, he leaned forward, kissing Kisuke briefly before dragging his mouth across the blonde’s jaw line to his neck. He breathed deep, enjoying the strange yet oddly familiar scent of Kisuke’s skin. The muscles in his shoulders and back relaxed completely, exhaustion overtaking him. He hadn’t been sleeping well for some time now and it was finally catching up with him.
This... isn’t new...? Kisuke did not know whether to take that at face value, or if he should doubt Isshin was saying, because of the alcohol, or the grief, or whatever. This was Isshin Kurosaki, with his happy family living out the life he wanted to live. And here he was, saying that he... had always...?
Kisuke tensed and shuddered, feeling Isshin’s warm, sloppy tongue against his skin. A breathless sigh escaped his lips, his hands perched on Isshin’s shoulders as he grew increasingly heated, not just from the alcohol but from everything else that was happening right now.
“Isshin...” he managed to say despite himself, despite the laboured breaths. “This isn’t- we shouldn’t... It’s not like... I haven’t thought about it, or that I don’t want it, but we can’t... do this.”
It’s so hard to say what I don’t want to say...
Pulling back slightly, Isshin blinked sleepily. They can’t?
But he’d just said he wanted to too…
“We can’t?” He stepped back with a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Sadly he knew Kisuke was probably right; now wasn’t the best time for this sort of thing. Not while he was upset and they'd been drinking. It was disappointing, especially since he now knew Kisuke felt something for him.
A sudden thought made him frown. Kisuke didn’t mean that they couldn’t…ever…did he? The thought of never made his stomach churn. He hadn’t forgotten Masaki, not in the least, doubted he ever would. It was just…
“You…you just mean…now…right?”
Kisuke chuckled. Of course he meant now. It was never a good idea to do something in the heat of the moment - especially if it was something either one or both of them would regret in the future. Waiting... at least until everything settled back down again... might be for the better.
After all, he had waited this long. He could wait for another few months.
“Now... is probably not the best time. Maybe after you secure a job, and the kids are alright, and everything... Until everything is sorted out.”
Maybe until... you don’t look so sad, anymore.
“Besides~ you look tired. You should get some proper sleep.”
Smiling softly, Isshin hooked a finger in Kisuke’s belt, pulling him close enough to bump their foreheads together gently. The blond was right once again; the kids and a job were definitely more important. “Sleep sounds good…you’re staying right?”
He really didn’t want to be alone again tonight. In fact, the first thing he was doing tomorrow was getting his kids home; it’d be good to hear them playing again. “The foldout fits two easily…no funny business, promise.”
Kisuke was grinning at the suggestion. He promised Isshin he would stay - he would probably leave early in the morning to stop by his house and get ready to go back to work, but he could stay the night. There was nothing he needed to do at home tonight anyway.
“Well~ Since you promised no funny business... I don’t see anything wrong with taking you up on that offer.” The blond would not be at ease if he were to leave Isshin alone like this anyway.
“Shall we go, then~”
Stifling a yawn Isshin nodded. “You set up the foldout and I’ll get pajamas?”
He arched a brow at Kisuke with a smirk. “Unless you want to sleep naked?”
Kisuke blew blond bangs away from his face and resisted the urge to thwap Isshin on the nose. He merely scoffed.
“Now now~ You said no funny business, right?” the blond said, grinning as he pulled back, out of Isshin’s grasp. “I’ll go set up the foldout then.”
Despite Kisuke having never done this before, he managed to fiddle and shuffle around (despite nearly tripping over himself a couple of times) and finally get everything laid out properly.
“I hope this is what it’s meant to be like...” Why was there a big lump in the middle?
Chuckling, Isshin let Kisuke pull away and went to find something for the blond to wear. He walked up the stairs slowly, almost hesitantly; he hadn’t been in the bedroom much over the last few weeks. Smelled too much like Masaki.
Silently, he slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. It felt so empty. He stripped down as he padded over to the closet and riffled through it. Finding a pair of pajama bottoms for himself, he slipped them on and quickly grabbed a set for Kisuke, hurrying out of the dark room.
Strolling into the living room, he passed Kisuke his set of pajamas. “You can change in the bathroom if you want.”
Looking at the foldout his laughed. “Forgot to tell you about that. There’s a spring that gets jammed up sometimes.”
Crouching down he reached under the bed and straightened the spring, the lump disappearing instantly. Standing he smiled at Kisuke and patted the mattress. “There…all better.”
Kisuke took the set of clothes from Isshin, holding them against his chest, trying to ignore the fact that Isshin was sleeping without a shirt. The mattress was sorted out, at least.
“I’ll be back quick~” he said, and he vanished into the bathroom. He changed quickly, noting how... large, the shirt was, his hands disappearing underneath the sleeves. Fastening all the buttons properly save for the top three, he slipped into the pyjama pants that barely clung to his waist, made a quick job of folding up his other clothes and stepped out of the bathroom.
The pyjamas were nice, and soft, and they... smelled like Isshin. He would hate to have to change back and leave early tomorrow morning.
Leaving his clothes off to one side, he sat on the edge of the mattress, looking over his shoulder at Isshin as he ran a hand through messy tresses of blond.
“We all set?”
God, he looks cute.
The clothes were definitely too big for the blond; the top shifting around on his shoulders and the pants about to fall down. It made him look so young. Isshin grinned at Kisuke and crawled under the covers. “I’m ready.”
Reaching over, he tugged on the back of Kisuke’s top, gently urging the blond to join him.
Kisuke’s back met the sheets with a contented sigh, and he shuffled around until he got as comfortable as he could. He had spent the past few nights either sleeping on the couch, floor or over his desk, and this... was a nice change.
He tried to keep his gaze fixated on the ceiling, or, well, anything else really, but invariably he kept looking over towards Isshin. He had not seen the man... look like this - reasonably at peace - for quite a while.
It did not take too long for the mundane of the night, that wretched whiskey still simmering somewhere in his system and his weariness to sink in, and slowly his eyes fluttered close, the muscles in his body relaxing as he fell asleep.
Contentment filled him as he listened to Kisuke’s breathing deepen with sleep. Rolling onto his side, he moved closer, careful not to wake the blond, placing his hand on the man’s belly.
Things no longer seemed so bleak some how. It still hurt, Masaki’s passing and there was still a long ways to go but now…
He’d make it.
Characters: Isshin Kurosaki (corelle), Kisuke Urahara (lcpdragonslayer)
Timeline: September 16, 1936
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Isshin is lost after Masaki's death; Kisuke pays him a visit and tries to set things back on track.
Masaki’s death had come at a shock, not only to the Kurosaki family but to everyone who knew them as well. Kisuke had seen her on numerous occasions - even talked to her, and she was gentle, and kind, and there was a lot of love in the family. Being a close friend of Isshin’s, he had a vague idea of how much her death would impact him.
But this... This could not continue. How long was Isshin going to stay like this? He had children to look after, and even though Masaki’s death had been sudden and devastating, the world still went on without her. Kisuke didn’t want to make her death seem like something light, but... there was life after Masaki, too, and Isshin had to see that.
So here he was, after his long day at Black Cat Lounge and way past what was considered ‘ordinary visiting other peoples’ houses’ time, standing outside the Kurosaki residence’s door with two big, unopened bottles of whiskey and a small bag of food dangling from his hands. It was a bit hard to knock and balance the drinks in his hands at the same time, so he settled for kicking the door lightly.
“Isshin~” he called out a little, not wanting to wake up the entire street. “It’s Kisuke...”
The house was dark, the only light coming from the windows. Isshin sat in his recliner, head tilted back and eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep, the quiet of the house waking him every so often. The kids were at a relative of Masaki’s, a cousin or something, the same place they’d been staying for the past week. He knew it was wrong sending them off, knew that they needed him now more than ever but it was just too much.
It wasn’t just Masaki’s death anymore…now that fucking murderer was under government protection. All for some information. And no one was even trying to fight it. Damn, useless EADA. He groaned, rubbing his forehead. Shit, he didn’t want to think about it anymore, didn’t want to think about anything at all…
Knocking coming from the front of the house caught his attention and he frowned. Who could that be at this hour? He stood and walked to the door, listening carefully. Kisuke?
Isshin opened the door peering into the darkness. It was Kisuke, holding…was that whiskey…and food? His stomach growled suddenly, he hadn’t eaten in…well he couldn’t quite remember. Stepping back he gestured for Kisuke to enter. “Come in.”
Isshin's growling stomach confirmed Kisuke's suspicion of the man not having eaten in a while. He stepped in and removed his shoes, pushing them off to one side before stepping in.
"I brought some food in case you were hungry~" he said, his cheery voice in stark contrast to the morose, gloomy atmosphere in the dimly-lit house. He placed the takeaway box onto the dining table and set the two bottles of whiskey down, shaking his hands off a little as he finally relieved the tension in his hands.
"Smells good, doesn't it~" he said in an almost teasing voice as he helped himself to two glasses, some ice and a set of eating utensils, adding them to the assortment of items on the dining room table. "I had the chef make something real quick before he left for the night."
He looked up to Isshin's face, which was barely illuminated by the dimness in the house. The blond was smiling - or at least, trying his best to. It was the least he could do for his friend; he did not come here with the intention to make the scene any worse or sadder than it already was.
"Sit down and grab a bite?"
Isshin watched quietly as Kisuke made him self busy setting the table. The blond sure was trying hard to be cheerful; it was kind of annoying actually. He didn’t want cheerful, he wanted quiet.
However, Kisuke was his friend and he was a little lonely for company. Plus the food did smell pretty good. He slowly drifted over to the table and pulled out a chair, sitting down. “What is it?”
Kisuke pulled out the chair next to Isshin’s and sat down slowly. “Just some spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread - you like them, don’t you?” he asked.
It was getting increasingly difficult to keep the mood buoyant in the place, and his smile faded a little. He did not want to be overly cheerful - as if it was not as grave, as if he was trying too hard to change things. It wasn’t... But seeing Isshin like this, it...
He closed his eyes and sighed quietly. He didn’t know - who was he to pretend to know what the hell he was doing, visiting Isshin at this time of the night, bringing supper and drinks. He just... He could not just stand there on the side and watch everything crumble and fall apart.
“Are the kids sleeping?” he asked, noticing how quiet the place was.
“The kids?” He picked at his slice of bread and took a small bite, chewing slowly. “Probably by now…they’re at a cousin’s house. Have been all week.”
He glanced at Kisuke. “Rather not talk about it.”
Grabbing a glass, he filled it to the brim with whiskey then drained half the liquid in one go. The alcohol hit instantly, his head swimming briefly, making him feel slightly ill. Perhaps he should actually eat something before he got sick. He finished off his bread quietly, twirling his glass in his hand. Looking at Kisuke again, he frowned slightly. “Not going to make me drink alone are you?”
Kisuke’s gaze softened a little. All week...? Well... He supposed it was good that they were being taken care of, but... Isshin...
“No, of course not~” he said, and reached over for the open bottle of whiskey. The blond had a low alcohol tolerance, so he only filled his glass to a little over halfway. The last thing he wanted was to get inebriated beyond control and say something that warranted being kicked out of the house.
Or do something else that was totally inappropriate for the occasion.
Isshin was... just a friend, after all. That did not change despite... Despite the kinds of thoughts he would increasingly entertain when he was idle in his office, despite Masaki’s death.
His facial expression contorted a little as he sipped the alcohol. It left a lasting burn in the back of his throat, and he coughed a little. He did not think he could ever get quite used to this.
“I don’t know how you drink this stuff, Isshin. Tastes like torture in a cup.”
Isshin snorted bitterly and downed the rest of his drink. “Torture? You have no idea what torture is.”
Refilling his glass, he turned to face Kisuke. It struck him suddenly just how pretty the other man was in the pale moonlight. It had always been there in the back of his mind, this attraction he felt towards the blond but with Masaki around…god, Masaki. His following question came unbidden. “Have you ever lost any one you loved?”
Well... Kisuke did not mean torture like that... He drained the cup without thinking about it too much, letting it sit in his mouth for a little while before swallowing. He topped up his glass a little fuller this time.
At Isshin’s question, his mind immediately went back to his younger days, when he watched his mother die from the Spanish Flu right before his eyes. He saw what it did to his father - knew very vividly how it impacted him, as an eight year old who knew nothing about the world. He could also remember waking up in the cool morning, walking in to the furniture shop, and the entire scene of death and gore consuming him.
“No,” Kisuke said, his hard gaze softening as he smiled. “Apart from my parents, anyway.”
He sighed quietly after taking a sip of his whiskey, lowering it to the table. He twirled the glass a bit as he thought. “I don’t know what it’s like - and I’m not going to pretend I do. I’m just...”
His smile widened, even if his gaze remained fixated on the glass. “I’m here, anyway. It’s all I can do.”
Guilt rolled through him at the look on Kisuke’s face. What the hell was he doing dragging Kisuke down with him? What kind of friend was he? Definitely not the kind that deserved someone so caring and thoughtful.
“You don’t have to stay you know…you can go home if you like. Not that I don’t appreciate you coming over!” He didn’t want the man to think he was ungrateful after all.
“It’s just…” He sighed miserably and gulped down a few swallows of liquor before continuing, his words barely audible. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore…”
Kisuke shrugged. Even if he were to go home, there was nothing to go home to. He would just hit the sheets and snooze until it was time to get up and go back to Black Cat Lounge to work. He reached over for the whiskey bottle and topped up Isshin’s drink on instinct. He was not too sure if he wanted Isshin to be drinking, like this, but... Well. Isshin was at home anyway, and there was no one here.
“Well~ I don’t know, Isshin. What do you want to do? Where would you like to go from here?” Kisuke asked. “It’s not going to be easy - times are hard, and you have three kids to look after by yourself now, but... You’re not alone. You still have friends who will be here to help you along the way.”
Kisuke drank more of the whiskey, and looked up at Isshin. “You can’t stay like this forever, Isshin. What about the kids? You have to be strong, not only for yourself, but for them as well. I’m sure that’s what Masaki wants, too.”
Anger. White hot anger. What the hell did Kisuke know what Masaki wanted! He jumped up and started pacing the room, running a hand through his hair. He needed to calm down…now, before he did something stupid and lost his best friend.
“Don’t know…don’t know what I want…” He was talking more to himself by this point, muttering quietly, snippets of conversation floating through the tense air. “Can’t just stand by and watch people…get hurt, taken advantage of…the kids…”
He turned to Kisuke, eyes desperate. “But I’m not a cop anymore…what’s left?”
Panic and uncertainty choked him and he reached out, grasping Kisuke’s shoulder hard. “What’s left?”
Kisuke leaned back a little when Isshin spontaneously erupted from his seat and walked off. He had not meant to say anything... Isshin...
His hands curled up a little as Isshin gripped onto his shoulder. What was he supposed to say? Isshin was losing it and really all he wanted to do was punch the man and yell at him to sort his stuff out.
He held on to Isshin’s shoulders to steady the older man. “Isshin - listen.”
“Listen...”
His gaze met Isshin’s, and he held the other man’s eyes. “Everything is left. Masaki... she was a lot - a whole lot - but she wasn’t everything. You still have this house, where all her memories still live. You still have kids who need you right now more than anyone else. You still have...”
You still have me...
“You have yourself - you can find a job easily with your kind of skills. If you want to help people, you could become... become a firefighter, or a private investigator, or something. More than ever, you can do anything you want to, Isshin. But... you can’t be like this forever.”
Swallowing thickly, Isshin loosened his grip on Kisuke’s shoulder. “You’re right…of course you’re right…”
PI huh? He actually liked the sound of that…he liked helping people…he’d have more freedom in his job…
He looked at Kisuke; really looked at the other man. His best friend. He smiled weakly, running his hand from Kisuke’s shoulder to the back of the man’s neck, tugging him close until their foreheads touched, voice low and rough with emotion. “What would I do without you I wonder?”
He was relieved that Isshin had calmed down a bit now, and smiled a little, relaxing his shoulders. He was a little too close to Isshin - could feel Isshin’s warm, whiskey-laced breath against his lips, and it made him want to- Want to...
Kisuke pulled back a bit. It felt like the old Isshin was coming back again - the Isshin he knew; the Isshin everyone knew, and it was... comforting.
“All sorts of odd things,” the blond replied, chuckling a bit as he ruffled up the tousled locks of hair on the back of his head.
It felt nice having Kisuke so close and it made something in him stir. He smiled fondly and stepped closer to the blond. “You remember when I found out your limp is fake?”
He stroked his thumb across Kisuke’s cheek softly. “Such a pretty blush.”
Kisuke felt his breath lodge in the middle of his throat when he felt Isshin’s touch on his cheek. What the hell was Isshin saying? He tensed and leaned back a little, ever so slightly. This was bad. And whose stunning idea was it to bring all that whiskey?
Oh yeah. Mine.
A shuddered breath escaped Kisuke’s lips. “Isshin...” he said quietly, swallowing.
“This isn’t... I- ...you...”
Humming quietly, he leaned in closer. “Yeah, probably not the best idea huh?” However, with the whiskey slinking through his system, it seemed like a damned good idea. He continued on, his words nothing more than a low murmur.
“Always wondered what it’d be like…” Tilting Kisuke’s head back he brushed his lips lightly against the blonde’s; grip loose enough to give Kisuke chance to pull away...if he really wanted to.
This was... bad... sort of. No, well. Kisuke did not know what this was, exactly. A small part of him was twirling around in the insanity of the situation, and wanted to keep him still and let whatever happens... happen.
But it wasn’t right. This was Isshin - Isshin who had just lost Masaki. What were they doing?
But Isshin was talking in that voice and Kisuke’s body didn’t really feel like moving at all and everything was just spiralling out of control.
Despite himself, Kisuke’s eyes slowly fluttered close, and he slowly relaxed in Isshin’s presence. This was what he’d been wanting, for a long time, but he had never dared to think and hope because Masaki was around, because Isshin had kids and he was happy with Masaki and everything.
But now... Now...
Kisuke’s fingers curled into the fabric of Isshin’s shirt, holding on to the older man’s frame as he pressed his lips against Isshin’s, moaning quietly.
Kisuke’s moan cut through him, making him pull back gasping. What the hell was he doing? Gut instinct told him that yes; he wanted this, always had on some level, yet…
He pulled Kisuke up tight; ignoring all warning signs…he was good at that, whispering urgently in the blonde’s ear, desperation clear in his voice.
“Sorry…just…please, just…stay…for tonight...” He nipped at Kisuke’s ear, tugging lightly. “Just stay…”
Light pants escaped quivering lips when Isshin’s lips left his, and his eyes fluttered open again. He shouldn’t stay - he only came to bring Isshin some food, alcohol and, yes, keep him company, but only for a little while. He didn’t come here... to do this with Isshin.
Isshin was asking so little yet so much from him, and Kisuke’s lips moved, but he did not know what to say.
“I...” He wrapped his arms around Isshin, holding him. He was equally to blame for all this.
“Okay,” he said softly. “Okay. I’ll stay for as long as you want me to.”
Something tight and dark uncurled within him, giving way to something else all together…something Kisuke. He laughed warily.
“You may regret that offer..." He nosed into Kisuke’s sloppy mane. “Couch folds out...”
Kisuke chuckled. “Does it~” he teased, sighing softly and contentedly.
“Not promising you anything though~ Just that I’ll stay as long as you like...” That’s probably what Isshin needed at the moment, anyway.
His hands slid down Isshin’s warm back, over the shirt as if they were smoothing out the creases, down to rest on Isshin’s hips. He had never... really... Well. He had thought about it, probably countless times by now, but he never... got to feel it. Never got to feel Isshin and the muscles rippling underneath his fingers.
This was all so wrong and all so right at the same time. He wondered if Masaki ever... Isshin didn’t seem to mind - he was the one who instigated this, even, and it was... Did she know? And since when did things become like this? Was it since that time Isshin grabbed his hat?
Or was it long before that? Was it wrong of him to like a man? Was it wrong of him to like a married man, even - and now that his wife was dead, was this not... even worse?
"Why... Why are we doing this, Isshin?"
Why?
The question echoed through his head, making him pull back, studying Kisuke’s face. Why?
Taking a deep breath, he spoke, soothing his hands down Kisuke’s back. “Because I’ve always…never been particular…and you’re so…” He laughed, shaking his head. “Well, not so sure really.”
He sighed softly. “All I do know is that this isn’t new. Took me awhile to realize it for what it was but…”
Shrugging, he leaned forward, kissing Kisuke briefly before dragging his mouth across the blonde’s jaw line to his neck. He breathed deep, enjoying the strange yet oddly familiar scent of Kisuke’s skin. The muscles in his shoulders and back relaxed completely, exhaustion overtaking him. He hadn’t been sleeping well for some time now and it was finally catching up with him.
This... isn’t new...? Kisuke did not know whether to take that at face value, or if he should doubt Isshin was saying, because of the alcohol, or the grief, or whatever. This was Isshin Kurosaki, with his happy family living out the life he wanted to live. And here he was, saying that he... had always...?
Kisuke tensed and shuddered, feeling Isshin’s warm, sloppy tongue against his skin. A breathless sigh escaped his lips, his hands perched on Isshin’s shoulders as he grew increasingly heated, not just from the alcohol but from everything else that was happening right now.
“Isshin...” he managed to say despite himself, despite the laboured breaths. “This isn’t- we shouldn’t... It’s not like... I haven’t thought about it, or that I don’t want it, but we can’t... do this.”
It’s so hard to say what I don’t want to say...
Pulling back slightly, Isshin blinked sleepily. They can’t?
But he’d just said he wanted to too…
“We can’t?” He stepped back with a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. Sadly he knew Kisuke was probably right; now wasn’t the best time for this sort of thing. Not while he was upset and they'd been drinking. It was disappointing, especially since he now knew Kisuke felt something for him.
A sudden thought made him frown. Kisuke didn’t mean that they couldn’t…ever…did he? The thought of never made his stomach churn. He hadn’t forgotten Masaki, not in the least, doubted he ever would. It was just…
“You…you just mean…now…right?”
Kisuke chuckled. Of course he meant now. It was never a good idea to do something in the heat of the moment - especially if it was something either one or both of them would regret in the future. Waiting... at least until everything settled back down again... might be for the better.
After all, he had waited this long. He could wait for another few months.
“Now... is probably not the best time. Maybe after you secure a job, and the kids are alright, and everything... Until everything is sorted out.”
Maybe until... you don’t look so sad, anymore.
“Besides~ you look tired. You should get some proper sleep.”
Smiling softly, Isshin hooked a finger in Kisuke’s belt, pulling him close enough to bump their foreheads together gently. The blond was right once again; the kids and a job were definitely more important. “Sleep sounds good…you’re staying right?”
He really didn’t want to be alone again tonight. In fact, the first thing he was doing tomorrow was getting his kids home; it’d be good to hear them playing again. “The foldout fits two easily…no funny business, promise.”
Kisuke was grinning at the suggestion. He promised Isshin he would stay - he would probably leave early in the morning to stop by his house and get ready to go back to work, but he could stay the night. There was nothing he needed to do at home tonight anyway.
“Well~ Since you promised no funny business... I don’t see anything wrong with taking you up on that offer.” The blond would not be at ease if he were to leave Isshin alone like this anyway.
“Shall we go, then~”
Stifling a yawn Isshin nodded. “You set up the foldout and I’ll get pajamas?”
He arched a brow at Kisuke with a smirk. “Unless you want to sleep naked?”
Kisuke blew blond bangs away from his face and resisted the urge to thwap Isshin on the nose. He merely scoffed.
“Now now~ You said no funny business, right?” the blond said, grinning as he pulled back, out of Isshin’s grasp. “I’ll go set up the foldout then.”
Despite Kisuke having never done this before, he managed to fiddle and shuffle around (despite nearly tripping over himself a couple of times) and finally get everything laid out properly.
“I hope this is what it’s meant to be like...” Why was there a big lump in the middle?
Chuckling, Isshin let Kisuke pull away and went to find something for the blond to wear. He walked up the stairs slowly, almost hesitantly; he hadn’t been in the bedroom much over the last few weeks. Smelled too much like Masaki.
Silently, he slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. It felt so empty. He stripped down as he padded over to the closet and riffled through it. Finding a pair of pajama bottoms for himself, he slipped them on and quickly grabbed a set for Kisuke, hurrying out of the dark room.
Strolling into the living room, he passed Kisuke his set of pajamas. “You can change in the bathroom if you want.”
Looking at the foldout his laughed. “Forgot to tell you about that. There’s a spring that gets jammed up sometimes.”
Crouching down he reached under the bed and straightened the spring, the lump disappearing instantly. Standing he smiled at Kisuke and patted the mattress. “There…all better.”
Kisuke took the set of clothes from Isshin, holding them against his chest, trying to ignore the fact that Isshin was sleeping without a shirt. The mattress was sorted out, at least.
“I’ll be back quick~” he said, and he vanished into the bathroom. He changed quickly, noting how... large, the shirt was, his hands disappearing underneath the sleeves. Fastening all the buttons properly save for the top three, he slipped into the pyjama pants that barely clung to his waist, made a quick job of folding up his other clothes and stepped out of the bathroom.
The pyjamas were nice, and soft, and they... smelled like Isshin. He would hate to have to change back and leave early tomorrow morning.
Leaving his clothes off to one side, he sat on the edge of the mattress, looking over his shoulder at Isshin as he ran a hand through messy tresses of blond.
“We all set?”
God, he looks cute.
The clothes were definitely too big for the blond; the top shifting around on his shoulders and the pants about to fall down. It made him look so young. Isshin grinned at Kisuke and crawled under the covers. “I’m ready.”
Reaching over, he tugged on the back of Kisuke’s top, gently urging the blond to join him.
Kisuke’s back met the sheets with a contented sigh, and he shuffled around until he got as comfortable as he could. He had spent the past few nights either sleeping on the couch, floor or over his desk, and this... was a nice change.
He tried to keep his gaze fixated on the ceiling, or, well, anything else really, but invariably he kept looking over towards Isshin. He had not seen the man... look like this - reasonably at peace - for quite a while.
It did not take too long for the mundane of the night, that wretched whiskey still simmering somewhere in his system and his weariness to sink in, and slowly his eyes fluttered close, the muscles in his body relaxing as he fell asleep.
Contentment filled him as he listened to Kisuke’s breathing deepen with sleep. Rolling onto his side, he moved closer, careful not to wake the blond, placing his hand on the man’s belly.
Things no longer seemed so bleak some how. It still hurt, Masaki’s passing and there was still a long ways to go but now…
He’d make it.