Put on your happy face
This time of year has always caused me to have so many different feelings. I don't want to slip into the normal Christmas depression. I miss him. This time ever since I was a little girl has always made me miss him.
My dad was not around wile I was growing up, and I had so much anger and hurt feelings because of that. This time of year always depressed him and made him drink more which then would cause pain to my mom and i thousands of miles away from him. Drunken phone calls calling my mother a whore and other horrible names. When i was around 9 or summtin he came down to Florida for Christmas and left early because he couldnt see my brother. Christmas is a time that causes alot of pain.
But now my dad is gone. Like I cant even hope for the chance that he will come to FL for another Chirstmas. I'll try and reach out to my brother, i want a relationship so bad with him, but he is so much like my dad that i dont think a relationship with him is ever possible. He wont even talk to me about dad, he says "he's dead shannon, and there is nothing we can do about it. hes gone." I know this, but dammit you could at least talk to me about him, because i cant talk to anyone else about this shit.
my brother just like my dad turns to drinking his pain away during the holidays. i dont want to be that person. so when last night i was called a drunk, no i was called a violent drunk that really got to me. it was said jokingly, but i just cant stand even being told that. i love my dad and miss him everyday, but i look at who he was and dont ever want to be that. im going through shit. my personal shit i dont want to put on anyone else. i just need to deal with my shit. i just miss him, and it sucks that i still feel this way, because daddys are suppossed to be there for there little girls and mine has missed another Christmas.
My dad was not around wile I was growing up, and I had so much anger and hurt feelings because of that. This time of year always depressed him and made him drink more which then would cause pain to my mom and i thousands of miles away from him. Drunken phone calls calling my mother a whore and other horrible names. When i was around 9 or summtin he came down to Florida for Christmas and left early because he couldnt see my brother. Christmas is a time that causes alot of pain.
But now my dad is gone. Like I cant even hope for the chance that he will come to FL for another Chirstmas. I'll try and reach out to my brother, i want a relationship so bad with him, but he is so much like my dad that i dont think a relationship with him is ever possible. He wont even talk to me about dad, he says "he's dead shannon, and there is nothing we can do about it. hes gone." I know this, but dammit you could at least talk to me about him, because i cant talk to anyone else about this shit.
my brother just like my dad turns to drinking his pain away during the holidays. i dont want to be that person. so when last night i was called a drunk, no i was called a violent drunk that really got to me. it was said jokingly, but i just cant stand even being told that. i love my dad and miss him everyday, but i look at who he was and dont ever want to be that. im going through shit. my personal shit i dont want to put on anyone else. i just need to deal with my shit. i just miss him, and it sucks that i still feel this way, because daddys are suppossed to be there for there little girls and mine has missed another Christmas.