The Real Slim Jim Deal, Yo.
The tragedy of
"A commentary about the convenience of deadly sinning."
In memoriam of those who gave their lives for 76 bucks in the register and a 6-pack of Coors Light.
"7-Eleven was the first to … operate 24 hours a day … sell fresh-brewed coffee in to-go cups ... have a self-serve soda fountain … and offer super-size drinks."
For several years now, 7-11 has been a death-pit of decadence. Allowing our fellow man to wallow in gluttony. To steep himself in greed and sloth. To have fast access to excess.
WELL, I SAY NO MORE!
I am as outraged as anyone that the tragedy of 7-11 has fallen before us. The numerous children walking out with a pack of Marlboros due to the lackluster lazy-assed slipshod work of loser 20-somethings who have no other job but convenience store clerking.
The "Apu-ism" and racial profiling of every Hindu worker trying to serve a thousand arms of his thousand gods! The random double dipping of nachos into congealed cheese sauce that will not be refreshened until some stoned customer complains about it at 3 o'clock in the morning.
The political feud between the Blue Icee and the Red one.
"7-Eleven has the largest ATM network of any retailer in United States. "
And they will financially fuck you five ways from Friday with withdrawal fees.
Do you really think those rimjob curvy mirrors in the corners are of any use to anyone but child pornographers jerking off silently in the back to last month's issue of Hustler?
As one great Deity said to me, it's all about blood money.
And machines that refuse to print out a readable receipt.
"Nearly one-third of the 6 million people who stop by a 7-Eleven store each day purchase immediately consumable food."
Convenience. Fuck you.
I remember having to cook the shit out of macaroni and cheese as a child before it was remotely edible! We are lazy fucks, and 7-11 knows it. They play into it. They want you to make a beeline to the isle of Snickers! They want to divert your attention to the fresh made coffee in non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers! Oh yeah. The convenience Nazi's are here, folks, and they all own a 7-11 franchise.
Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Ready to pimp you out a hot-dog anytime.
"A typical 7-Eleven store is between 2,400 and 3,000 square feet, and carries about 2,500 different items. "
Like the Roman Empire, they come in, they conquer, they take up perfectly good parking lot space.
And how many more innocents must suffer from potential brainfreeze?
Now, I know we are in a time of mourning, but let us not forget who the real criminals are.
Let us not be fooled by big bright green and white lights always adjacent to our beloved American highways!
Can anyone here say that you, too, have not been drawn into the depths of 7-11 evil?
That you have not sipped on the vitriol poured into a half-gallon sized Big Gulp cup and served to you with a half smile and a Lotto ticket???
Let us just take a moment to remember to never forget.
And to once and for all free ourselves from the shackles of corporate corruption and consumer over-consumption.
If not for the children, then for the really overweight man who stops by everyday for that double glazed donut.
We can save him. I have faith in you all.
Now I need to go to the local Circle K, have a Heineken, and chill the fuck out.
"A commentary about the convenience of deadly sinning."
In memoriam of those who gave their lives for 76 bucks in the register and a 6-pack of Coors Light.
"7-Eleven was the first to … operate 24 hours a day … sell fresh-brewed coffee in to-go cups ... have a self-serve soda fountain … and offer super-size drinks."
For several years now, 7-11 has been a death-pit of decadence. Allowing our fellow man to wallow in gluttony. To steep himself in greed and sloth. To have fast access to excess.
WELL, I SAY NO MORE!
I am as outraged as anyone that the tragedy of 7-11 has fallen before us. The numerous children walking out with a pack of Marlboros due to the lackluster lazy-assed slipshod work of loser 20-somethings who have no other job but convenience store clerking.
The "Apu-ism" and racial profiling of every Hindu worker trying to serve a thousand arms of his thousand gods! The random double dipping of nachos into congealed cheese sauce that will not be refreshened until some stoned customer complains about it at 3 o'clock in the morning.
The political feud between the Blue Icee and the Red one.
"7-Eleven has the largest ATM network of any retailer in United States. "
And they will financially fuck you five ways from Friday with withdrawal fees.
Do you really think those rimjob curvy mirrors in the corners are of any use to anyone but child pornographers jerking off silently in the back to last month's issue of Hustler?
As one great Deity said to me, it's all about blood money.
And machines that refuse to print out a readable receipt.
"Nearly one-third of the 6 million people who stop by a 7-Eleven store each day purchase immediately consumable food."
Convenience. Fuck you.
I remember having to cook the shit out of macaroni and cheese as a child before it was remotely edible! We are lazy fucks, and 7-11 knows it. They play into it. They want you to make a beeline to the isle of Snickers! They want to divert your attention to the fresh made coffee in non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers! Oh yeah. The convenience Nazi's are here, folks, and they all own a 7-11 franchise.
Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Ready to pimp you out a hot-dog anytime.
"A typical 7-Eleven store is between 2,400 and 3,000 square feet, and carries about 2,500 different items. "
Like the Roman Empire, they come in, they conquer, they take up perfectly good parking lot space.
And how many more innocents must suffer from potential brainfreeze?
Now, I know we are in a time of mourning, but let us not forget who the real criminals are.
Let us not be fooled by big bright green and white lights always adjacent to our beloved American highways!
Can anyone here say that you, too, have not been drawn into the depths of 7-11 evil?
That you have not sipped on the vitriol poured into a half-gallon sized Big Gulp cup and served to you with a half smile and a Lotto ticket???
Let us just take a moment to remember to never forget.
And to once and for all free ourselves from the shackles of corporate corruption and consumer over-consumption.
If not for the children, then for the really overweight man who stops by everyday for that double glazed donut.
We can save him. I have faith in you all.
Now I need to go to the local Circle K, have a Heineken, and chill the fuck out.