santa, baby
Title: Santa, Baby
Fandom: The Social Network (as if I have to specify at this point)
Pairing: Mark/Eduardo, brief mention of Eduardo/OC
Rating: PG... we'll say 13 because there might be language?
Summary: It's a few years post-lawsuit. While Mark and Eduardo were on the outs, Eduardo married a woman named Tess and had a daughter named Ana. When he and Mark found each other again, they moved in together with the kid. This is part of a whole extended TSN universe collaborated on by myself and fayestardust and we actually co-wrote this story because the idea of a Mark/Wardo/kid Christmas was too adorable to resist.
Author's Note: This is... so ridiculous. And it's not even Christmas right now and why is Jewish Markwardo even celebrating Christmas and what is my life. But I thought this was amusing so you might think it's worth a read too, who knows. For the record, fayestardustwrote Eduardo and Ana while I wrote Mark. I also did the editing, so you may blame any errors on me. Oh, and disclaimer: Y'all know I don't own anything.
Eduardo sat crouched at the Christmas tree, resisting the constant urge to snigger. He was arranging a shitload of presents, most of them for Ana. "She's gonna be a spoiled little brat..."
Mark pulled his beard down to scratch madly at his chin. "I'm going to get lice," he announced, edging a huge box as close to the tree as possible with his knee.
"Santa doesn't get lice," Eduardo retorted, sniggering now, not able to keep a straight face anymore.
"This Santa might," Mark said, scratching his head through his hat. The costume was itchy and hot all over, but he was determined to retain some dignity and not scratch his junk while he was wearing this travesty. "We didn't do Santa when I was growing up, and I turned out okay." He caught the tree with his sleeve as he reached for another present, making the decorations jingle a little.
"Grinch." Eduardo grinned, and it turned into a smile when there was a definite gasp from somewhere behind them.
Ana stood, staring at the two of them under the Christmas tree. "Santa!"
Mark gave Eduardo a glower that said very clearly how many favours were owed before he adjusted his beard a little and turned to Ana. "I didn't see you there!" His Santa voice sounded like his own voice, but about an octave lower and like he had some kind of chest cold. "Don't you know that little girls are supposed to be in bed on Christmas Eve?"
Eduardo had to turn his head a little before he could turn around to look at Ana, too.
"I was in bed... but then I heard the Christmas tree jingle," Ana said all matter-of-factly in a way that could have been Mark's influence.
"Santa's getting clumsy in his old age," Mark sighed, stifling a cough. The Santa voice was apparently hard on the throat. "Hey. Did you leave me any cookies?"
Again, a very loud gasp was uttered, and Ana dashed off into the kitchen to retrieve the cookies that they had all baked together earlier that afternoon. Eduardo shot a grin at Mark, then looked to Ana as she returned. "I thought you had made those for me..." he pouted.
Ana considered this, then beamed and shook her head, running over to Mark with the cookies.
"Ho, ho, ho, that's right, no cookies for dad," Mark said, musing over the plate and, mindful of his beard, choosing the one with the least icing. "Did you make these yourself, Ana? I might have to leave you an extra present."
Eduardo laughed, really wanting to kick Santa in the shins. Ana beamed, nodding vigorously, then coming back from it, "Well... Mark helped..." and when Eduardo gasped, "And daddy, too, a little."
"Well, I'll have to leave an extra present for Mark too, and a little one for daddy, since he helped a little," Mark said, shooting a wicked grin at Eduardo. "Although, he was trying to peak at his presents."
"Yes, daddy, why aren't you sleeping?" Ana replied, and Eduardo fumbled for an answer.
"Do you see how many presents there are? Can't let Santa do that all by himself, can we?"
"Should I call Mark?" Ana replied to that, and Eduardo coughed.
"No, um, no, we're all done, see?"
"Besides, Mark doesn't like to peak at Santa," Mark explained. "His mom told him that kids who peak at Santa don't get any presents." He patted her on the shoulder. "Speaking of which, you'd better hurry back to bed. I can't leave any presents while kids are watching. It's a Santa rule."
Ana looked hesitant, swaying a little, and then lunged forward, giving Santa a big little girl hug. Eduardo bit his lip, quite touched. It were moments like these that made him wish Ana would never grow up. Ever.
Mark looked surprised for a moment, and then hugged back. "Merry Christmas, Ana," he said.
"Merry Christmas, Santa" she murmured back, then looked at Eduardo for a second who did his best to give her a stern look, letting it go immediately after Ana disappeared.
"That child is going to kill me," Eduardo said quietly. "I'm going to turn her into a spoiled, spoiled lady that'll never marry because I won't let her..."
Mark pulled down his beard to settle around his neck, two bright spots of colour on his cheeks from being overheated. "Yep, probably," he said. "But if she turns into a brat, it'll probably be my fault. Which is okay; we brats get what we want."
Eduardo smiled, scooting over and then hugged him, "Merry Christmas..." he said. "You can go take that off now..."
"I'm only wearing shorts underneath," Mark pointed out, his voice low because the hug put his mouth very proximate to Eduardo's ear. "It's not highly appropriate living room attire."
"Well, we can go decorate the bedroom with mistletoe..." Eduardo replied, more than a little suggestive.
Mark nodded, thoughtful. "We haven't done much decorating in the bedroom yet," he said seriously. "Besides, I don't know if I can get this off by myself. I mean that both suggestively and non-suggestively since this suit is meant for a fatter Santa and I had to wrap the drawstring of the pants around my waist twice and then knot it, so I might legitimately be stuck."
Eduardo laughed out loud at that, quickly clasping a hand over his mouth. "Shhhhst!"
"I might have to wear red velour sweatpants for the rest of my life and you mock me," Mark said, trying to sound affronted. The effect was a little spoiled by the grin he couldn't hide.
"You're Mark Zuckerberg, you could well set a trend. Might be harder to explain to Ana why you stole Santa's pants..."
"Well, he technically started the trend," Mark replied with a shrug. "I mean, like a hundred years ago, but still. It's a timeless look." He looked down at the pants. "I guess."
Eduardo continued to laugh. "No it's not..." he said, smirking, starting to back away just in case of a slap.
"Whatever, you know I pull it off," Mark said. "Maybe I'll wear these pants forever on purpose. I don't give a shit what I look like but you'd have to be seen with me."
"You'd do that just to spite me, huh?" Eduardo grinned
"I might," Mark agreed, "unless you help me get them off."
"Didn't I just suggest that very thing?" Eduardo grinned, meanwhile rearranging some more presents, looking curiously at those with his name on it.
"I'd rather it be sooner than later," Mark remarked. "They are unbelievably itchy. And you taking my pants off is not something I typically like to delay."
"What did you get me for Christmas?" Eduardo replied, getting up. "It may or not influence the outcome of the whole pants removal issue."
"No hints," Mark warned, sounding rather severe. "Be glad I remembered that Christmas was even a thing."
"Tess kind of got me into it..." Eduardo said thoughtfully. He hadn't thought of her in awhile.
Mark frowned slightly. "I don't object to the holiday on principle because there's food and presents and Ana is all over it. Although it is kind of hypocritical that we're gay atheist Jews with the biggest Christmas tree in Palo Alto."
"The tree is like the best thing ever. You trying to put the star at the top was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Apart from this Santa outfit." Eduardo grinned, and sniggered some more.
"You know me, I live to entertain." Mark's tone had just the right amount of Zuckerberg snark.
"I'll go check on the little monster. You uhm, find the mistletoe, Santa," Eduardo smirked.
"I will interpret that as find the kitchen scissors and divest myself of clothing," Mark replied, inspecting the drawstring knot. And off he went toward the kitchen.
END.
(Na na na, and then it doesn't even end in porn.)
Fandom: The Social Network (as if I have to specify at this point)
Pairing: Mark/Eduardo, brief mention of Eduardo/OC
Rating: PG... we'll say 13 because there might be language?
Summary: It's a few years post-lawsuit. While Mark and Eduardo were on the outs, Eduardo married a woman named Tess and had a daughter named Ana. When he and Mark found each other again, they moved in together with the kid. This is part of a whole extended TSN universe collaborated on by myself and fayestardust and we actually co-wrote this story because the idea of a Mark/Wardo/kid Christmas was too adorable to resist.
Author's Note: This is... so ridiculous. And it's not even Christmas right now and why is Jewish Markwardo even celebrating Christmas and what is my life. But I thought this was amusing so you might think it's worth a read too, who knows. For the record, fayestardustwrote Eduardo and Ana while I wrote Mark. I also did the editing, so you may blame any errors on me. Oh, and disclaimer: Y'all know I don't own anything.
Eduardo sat crouched at the Christmas tree, resisting the constant urge to snigger. He was arranging a shitload of presents, most of them for Ana. "She's gonna be a spoiled little brat..."
Mark pulled his beard down to scratch madly at his chin. "I'm going to get lice," he announced, edging a huge box as close to the tree as possible with his knee.
"Santa doesn't get lice," Eduardo retorted, sniggering now, not able to keep a straight face anymore.
"This Santa might," Mark said, scratching his head through his hat. The costume was itchy and hot all over, but he was determined to retain some dignity and not scratch his junk while he was wearing this travesty. "We didn't do Santa when I was growing up, and I turned out okay." He caught the tree with his sleeve as he reached for another present, making the decorations jingle a little.
"Grinch." Eduardo grinned, and it turned into a smile when there was a definite gasp from somewhere behind them.
Ana stood, staring at the two of them under the Christmas tree. "Santa!"
Mark gave Eduardo a glower that said very clearly how many favours were owed before he adjusted his beard a little and turned to Ana. "I didn't see you there!" His Santa voice sounded like his own voice, but about an octave lower and like he had some kind of chest cold. "Don't you know that little girls are supposed to be in bed on Christmas Eve?"
Eduardo had to turn his head a little before he could turn around to look at Ana, too.
"I was in bed... but then I heard the Christmas tree jingle," Ana said all matter-of-factly in a way that could have been Mark's influence.
"Santa's getting clumsy in his old age," Mark sighed, stifling a cough. The Santa voice was apparently hard on the throat. "Hey. Did you leave me any cookies?"
Again, a very loud gasp was uttered, and Ana dashed off into the kitchen to retrieve the cookies that they had all baked together earlier that afternoon. Eduardo shot a grin at Mark, then looked to Ana as she returned. "I thought you had made those for me..." he pouted.
Ana considered this, then beamed and shook her head, running over to Mark with the cookies.
"Ho, ho, ho, that's right, no cookies for dad," Mark said, musing over the plate and, mindful of his beard, choosing the one with the least icing. "Did you make these yourself, Ana? I might have to leave you an extra present."
Eduardo laughed, really wanting to kick Santa in the shins. Ana beamed, nodding vigorously, then coming back from it, "Well... Mark helped..." and when Eduardo gasped, "And daddy, too, a little."
"Well, I'll have to leave an extra present for Mark too, and a little one for daddy, since he helped a little," Mark said, shooting a wicked grin at Eduardo. "Although, he was trying to peak at his presents."
"Yes, daddy, why aren't you sleeping?" Ana replied, and Eduardo fumbled for an answer.
"Do you see how many presents there are? Can't let Santa do that all by himself, can we?"
"Should I call Mark?" Ana replied to that, and Eduardo coughed.
"No, um, no, we're all done, see?"
"Besides, Mark doesn't like to peak at Santa," Mark explained. "His mom told him that kids who peak at Santa don't get any presents." He patted her on the shoulder. "Speaking of which, you'd better hurry back to bed. I can't leave any presents while kids are watching. It's a Santa rule."
Ana looked hesitant, swaying a little, and then lunged forward, giving Santa a big little girl hug. Eduardo bit his lip, quite touched. It were moments like these that made him wish Ana would never grow up. Ever.
Mark looked surprised for a moment, and then hugged back. "Merry Christmas, Ana," he said.
"Merry Christmas, Santa" she murmured back, then looked at Eduardo for a second who did his best to give her a stern look, letting it go immediately after Ana disappeared.
"That child is going to kill me," Eduardo said quietly. "I'm going to turn her into a spoiled, spoiled lady that'll never marry because I won't let her..."
Mark pulled down his beard to settle around his neck, two bright spots of colour on his cheeks from being overheated. "Yep, probably," he said. "But if she turns into a brat, it'll probably be my fault. Which is okay; we brats get what we want."
Eduardo smiled, scooting over and then hugged him, "Merry Christmas..." he said. "You can go take that off now..."
"I'm only wearing shorts underneath," Mark pointed out, his voice low because the hug put his mouth very proximate to Eduardo's ear. "It's not highly appropriate living room attire."
"Well, we can go decorate the bedroom with mistletoe..." Eduardo replied, more than a little suggestive.
Mark nodded, thoughtful. "We haven't done much decorating in the bedroom yet," he said seriously. "Besides, I don't know if I can get this off by myself. I mean that both suggestively and non-suggestively since this suit is meant for a fatter Santa and I had to wrap the drawstring of the pants around my waist twice and then knot it, so I might legitimately be stuck."
Eduardo laughed out loud at that, quickly clasping a hand over his mouth. "Shhhhst!"
"I might have to wear red velour sweatpants for the rest of my life and you mock me," Mark said, trying to sound affronted. The effect was a little spoiled by the grin he couldn't hide.
"You're Mark Zuckerberg, you could well set a trend. Might be harder to explain to Ana why you stole Santa's pants..."
"Well, he technically started the trend," Mark replied with a shrug. "I mean, like a hundred years ago, but still. It's a timeless look." He looked down at the pants. "I guess."
Eduardo continued to laugh. "No it's not..." he said, smirking, starting to back away just in case of a slap.
"Whatever, you know I pull it off," Mark said. "Maybe I'll wear these pants forever on purpose. I don't give a shit what I look like but you'd have to be seen with me."
"You'd do that just to spite me, huh?" Eduardo grinned
"I might," Mark agreed, "unless you help me get them off."
"Didn't I just suggest that very thing?" Eduardo grinned, meanwhile rearranging some more presents, looking curiously at those with his name on it.
"I'd rather it be sooner than later," Mark remarked. "They are unbelievably itchy. And you taking my pants off is not something I typically like to delay."
"What did you get me for Christmas?" Eduardo replied, getting up. "It may or not influence the outcome of the whole pants removal issue."
"No hints," Mark warned, sounding rather severe. "Be glad I remembered that Christmas was even a thing."
"Tess kind of got me into it..." Eduardo said thoughtfully. He hadn't thought of her in awhile.
Mark frowned slightly. "I don't object to the holiday on principle because there's food and presents and Ana is all over it. Although it is kind of hypocritical that we're gay atheist Jews with the biggest Christmas tree in Palo Alto."
"The tree is like the best thing ever. You trying to put the star at the top was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Apart from this Santa outfit." Eduardo grinned, and sniggered some more.
"You know me, I live to entertain." Mark's tone had just the right amount of Zuckerberg snark.
"I'll go check on the little monster. You uhm, find the mistletoe, Santa," Eduardo smirked.
"I will interpret that as find the kitchen scissors and divest myself of clothing," Mark replied, inspecting the drawstring knot. And off he went toward the kitchen.
END.
(Na na na, and then it doesn't even end in porn.)