Double Bill
This evening, I saw Angels & Demons and Star Trek at the cinema. This post contains spoilers!
About Angels & Demons, I have to say that Ewan McGregor is the only reason to watch. (And it's not just because he looks fine in black. Baha.) His performance just blows everyone else's out of the water. And I guess I can't discount the fact that the writing was unintentionally hilarious the whole way through, which is always fun.
*Robert Langdon spots a pentagram*
The audience: It's a pentagram.
Robert Langdon: IT'S A PENTAGRAM!!!!!!
Ewan McGregor: Do you believe in God?
Robert Langdon: I believe in God...zilla?
Ewan McGregor: By all means, go into our archives! A friend of Godzilla is a friend of mine.
(Might have been paraphrasing on that last quote.)
Robert Langdon has to be the most pretentious character ever. He shows up and points out things that idiots could sort out for themselves and then somehow inserts himself into a bunch of chase scenes when in real life, the police would be like, peace. You're a symbologist, asshole. Go home.
Like, what is the goal of this movie? They go from place to place, directed by angel statues (because every angel statue in Rome points at places once appropriated by an ancient Church-hating cult, apparently. Because if you were a Church-hating cult, you'd put directions to your secret hiding place in, you know, churches), always somehow managing to arrive when they're almost out of time. And then when they get there, there's a dead old dude and they have to find their way to the next ridiculous place, after wasting enough time to ensure that they once again, arrive just under the wire.
The only entertaining thing is the complete lack of chemistry between the main actors and the way Tom Hanks gets into the most retarded shinanigans. Example. They're shutting off all the power in various parts of Vatican City at different times so that they can find out where this camera is. And Tom Hanks knows this, as does Mr. Head of Swiss Guard since he sent a guard to make sure Tom Hanks doesn't rip any more pages out of valuable 500-year-old books. Yet Tom goes into the archives anyway, where there are oxygen-controlled rooms to preserve the books. So of course, he goes in one of those rooms - and the power goes off. So there's no oxygen. And his guard happens to be smoker and passes out in like, nine seconds. Uselessness ensues.
Also, if you've seen the movie, help me to understand how Mr. Head of Swiss Guard figures out that Ewan killed the Pope. Either he knew the whole time, in which case it probably would've been wise to light him on fire earlier (standard procedure in Vatican City, from what I learned from the movie) instead of letting him wander around causing all sorts of shinanigans, or he based his you-killed-the-pope accusation on conjecture. He knew that Ewan and the Pope be beefin' about the new God particle or whatever. So from there, he jumped to... YOU KILLED THE POPE. And then Ewan admits it and brands himself. And lights himself on fire. Well, not one right after the other. But seriously, the guy puts himself through all kinds of shit. Personally, I think I would've just not branded myself and when the police burst in, I would've still hollered, "HE'S ILLUMINATI! ...HE'S GOT A GUN!" And added: "HE WAS ABOUT TO BRAND ME BUT I STOPPED HIM!" Because apparently it's all shoot first, ask questions later with them. Branding himself was totally unecessary. Everyone in this movie is retarded.
I liked Star Trek. Not much to say about it, other than that I think it would've been funnier if I were in any way familiar with the original series. All kinds of jokes went over my head. But the script was decent, the acting was not annoyingly bad (and from what I hear, most of the actors do a good job of bringing back memories of the original characters) and there were explosions, so I could get into it. Go see it, if you get the chance. Pass on Angels and Demons. Rent it, if you must, because then you can throw things at the screen.
About Angels & Demons, I have to say that Ewan McGregor is the only reason to watch. (And it's not just because he looks fine in black. Baha.) His performance just blows everyone else's out of the water. And I guess I can't discount the fact that the writing was unintentionally hilarious the whole way through, which is always fun.
*Robert Langdon spots a pentagram*
The audience: It's a pentagram.
Robert Langdon: IT'S A PENTAGRAM!!!!!!
Ewan McGregor: Do you believe in God?
Robert Langdon: I believe in God...zilla?
Ewan McGregor: By all means, go into our archives! A friend of Godzilla is a friend of mine.
(Might have been paraphrasing on that last quote.)
Robert Langdon has to be the most pretentious character ever. He shows up and points out things that idiots could sort out for themselves and then somehow inserts himself into a bunch of chase scenes when in real life, the police would be like, peace. You're a symbologist, asshole. Go home.
Like, what is the goal of this movie? They go from place to place, directed by angel statues (because every angel statue in Rome points at places once appropriated by an ancient Church-hating cult, apparently. Because if you were a Church-hating cult, you'd put directions to your secret hiding place in, you know, churches), always somehow managing to arrive when they're almost out of time. And then when they get there, there's a dead old dude and they have to find their way to the next ridiculous place, after wasting enough time to ensure that they once again, arrive just under the wire.
The only entertaining thing is the complete lack of chemistry between the main actors and the way Tom Hanks gets into the most retarded shinanigans. Example. They're shutting off all the power in various parts of Vatican City at different times so that they can find out where this camera is. And Tom Hanks knows this, as does Mr. Head of Swiss Guard since he sent a guard to make sure Tom Hanks doesn't rip any more pages out of valuable 500-year-old books. Yet Tom goes into the archives anyway, where there are oxygen-controlled rooms to preserve the books. So of course, he goes in one of those rooms - and the power goes off. So there's no oxygen. And his guard happens to be smoker and passes out in like, nine seconds. Uselessness ensues.
Also, if you've seen the movie, help me to understand how Mr. Head of Swiss Guard figures out that Ewan killed the Pope. Either he knew the whole time, in which case it probably would've been wise to light him on fire earlier (standard procedure in Vatican City, from what I learned from the movie) instead of letting him wander around causing all sorts of shinanigans, or he based his you-killed-the-pope accusation on conjecture. He knew that Ewan and the Pope be beefin' about the new God particle or whatever. So from there, he jumped to... YOU KILLED THE POPE. And then Ewan admits it and brands himself. And lights himself on fire. Well, not one right after the other. But seriously, the guy puts himself through all kinds of shit. Personally, I think I would've just not branded myself and when the police burst in, I would've still hollered, "HE'S ILLUMINATI! ...HE'S GOT A GUN!" And added: "HE WAS ABOUT TO BRAND ME BUT I STOPPED HIM!" Because apparently it's all shoot first, ask questions later with them. Branding himself was totally unecessary. Everyone in this movie is retarded.
I liked Star Trek. Not much to say about it, other than that I think it would've been funnier if I were in any way familiar with the original series. All kinds of jokes went over my head. But the script was decent, the acting was not annoyingly bad (and from what I hear, most of the actors do a good job of bringing back memories of the original characters) and there were explosions, so I could get into it. Go see it, if you get the chance. Pass on Angels and Demons. Rent it, if you must, because then you can throw things at the screen.