Moving Backwards
I definitely feel like after taking great strides forward in my life, this week it is all slipping backwards. The inept 'guidance' councilor at school couldn't even find my major at CSULB, I had to find it in the book for her. I still haven't heard anything about my financial aid and the end of the month is approaching rapidly, and people aren't calling me when they say they are.
This above all else is pissing me off the most. I have so much fucking energy that I want to go out and do something with instead of just sitting at my house. I'm going to have to engineer another little adventure for myself this weekend or I'll fucking snap.
As BM gets closer, I get further and further away from being able to go. As I start realizing ideas circumstances keep backsliding. Seriously when is this shit gonna stop? Did I pick up some bad reiki energy or something. Maybe that serves me right for actually trying to make friends with tweakers. I should just keep to my rule, that I don't care how enlightened or whatever you may seem, if you do meth then stay the fuck away from me. Maybe I'm missing some sort of lesson as that I have never done it, but I highly doubt it.
But then even my friends that don't do meth, that being pretty much everyone else that I'm friends with haven't called me. That's pretty rejecting. And now skinny puppy is playing, and I'm actually enjoying it. What the Fuck! I've never liked skinny puppy even when I was 15. I could tolerate it, but I wouldn't actively seek it out like my peers. What the fuck is going on. Why does this make so much fucking nonsense that it makes perfect sense.
Toxick fucking world. Is there really a paradigm shift or does the Toxicity just breed more toxicity. It could be some kind of false hope. All the hippies will end up killing themselves Dec. 21, 2012. Mass fucking suicide all of the world. It will be the final death of peace and love. All hell will break loose. Wars to displace mountains. The dodo will have a lot of company, and anyone that is left will be choking on the fumes. Isn't that a pretty picture.
Get me off this fucking rock. It's like a bizillion degrees outside, and absolutely full of fucking morons. I couldn't believe how hard it is to get icecream. simple icecream without having to wait in live for 30 mins or fill out some sort of invasive survey. This planet of humans is so fucking retarded it almost makes me want to kill myself.
Yep, I'm venting my pain out into psyberspace, for absolutely no reason what so ever. I could have everything I ever wanted and still not be happy. It's so true, but I hate having to struggle within myself. Why should I cause myself this pain? Is it some sort of subliminal masochistic tendency or what? I just want it to fucking stop for a little while. Some sort of break that doesn't involve distracting myself from some way.
Okay hopefully this will allow me to start moving forward. I must continue to drag myself forward for absolutely no reason at all. Just for the shear pleasure of feeling like I am going somewhere. I know anything I ingest won't make any real difference. I have to take my alterations some other way.
In conclusion, kill anything that risks becoming an addiction or addicted.
This above all else is pissing me off the most. I have so much fucking energy that I want to go out and do something with instead of just sitting at my house. I'm going to have to engineer another little adventure for myself this weekend or I'll fucking snap.
As BM gets closer, I get further and further away from being able to go. As I start realizing ideas circumstances keep backsliding. Seriously when is this shit gonna stop? Did I pick up some bad reiki energy or something. Maybe that serves me right for actually trying to make friends with tweakers. I should just keep to my rule, that I don't care how enlightened or whatever you may seem, if you do meth then stay the fuck away from me. Maybe I'm missing some sort of lesson as that I have never done it, but I highly doubt it.
But then even my friends that don't do meth, that being pretty much everyone else that I'm friends with haven't called me. That's pretty rejecting. And now skinny puppy is playing, and I'm actually enjoying it. What the Fuck! I've never liked skinny puppy even when I was 15. I could tolerate it, but I wouldn't actively seek it out like my peers. What the fuck is going on. Why does this make so much fucking nonsense that it makes perfect sense.
Toxick fucking world. Is there really a paradigm shift or does the Toxicity just breed more toxicity. It could be some kind of false hope. All the hippies will end up killing themselves Dec. 21, 2012. Mass fucking suicide all of the world. It will be the final death of peace and love. All hell will break loose. Wars to displace mountains. The dodo will have a lot of company, and anyone that is left will be choking on the fumes. Isn't that a pretty picture.
Get me off this fucking rock. It's like a bizillion degrees outside, and absolutely full of fucking morons. I couldn't believe how hard it is to get icecream. simple icecream without having to wait in live for 30 mins or fill out some sort of invasive survey. This planet of humans is so fucking retarded it almost makes me want to kill myself.
Yep, I'm venting my pain out into psyberspace, for absolutely no reason what so ever. I could have everything I ever wanted and still not be happy. It's so true, but I hate having to struggle within myself. Why should I cause myself this pain? Is it some sort of subliminal masochistic tendency or what? I just want it to fucking stop for a little while. Some sort of break that doesn't involve distracting myself from some way.
Okay hopefully this will allow me to start moving forward. I must continue to drag myself forward for absolutely no reason at all. Just for the shear pleasure of feeling like I am going somewhere. I know anything I ingest won't make any real difference. I have to take my alterations some other way.
In conclusion, kill anything that risks becoming an addiction or addicted.