(no subject)
So I stopped writing in my journal because it’s inherently dishonest; I edit what I really feel to fit the audience that I think might be reading it. What's the point of a fucking journal that doesn't actually reflect what you're thinking? Why even bother? More ironic, I think the only person that actually does read my journal is Kari, but I edit even for her, as sometimes I tone down my cursing for her. How lame.
For instance, is this entry a cry for help directed at a certain audience? Heh. No. I guess I just feel like I should ignore that daunting friends list and say what I really feel. For instance, I never mention when I'm annoyed with Robert because--gasp! He could read it. Like he doesn't know already, we have more snappy arguments than Dustin and I do. Or Melissa...? Stop leaving your snotty tissues on the living room floor when you come over. Gross! I hate having to pick them up to throw them away after you leave. Yes, these are petty concerns, but the point is a broad one. If I have a disagreement with Dustin I don't want to post it because I'm sure that someone is bound to tell me that our marriage about to go under (my mom does this over any event in my sister's marriage) and that I'm just not the type that should be married....whatever that means. Oooh, I'm a free spirit! Alternatively, I don't want to talk about when we're happy because it seems sort of self-involved. Well the point of this is....screw it. Screw my assumed audience, and the fact that this is livejournal, who cares if it's mostly crap. I type faster than I handwrite, so I'm keeping my real journal right here.
I guess I started thinking about this because my birthday is this weekend, time to reevaluate my life. I don't know. I was on vacation last week. Dustin and I spent the week cleaning out all the closets and stuff we don't need in the apartment and then had a garage sale. I really had a great time with him. It's comforting to know that when we actually have time to spend together, we get along beautifully. The only bad day we had was when we went to Arlington, partially to sale my comic collection to a dealer (I kept SiP, Books of Magic, and some other things) and partially to find new bedding. I had the worst time articulating what I wanted, and we spent forever looking for something just right. Dustin was getting frustrated, so I said we should buy some sheets at this Linens n' Things across from Hulen Mall. Only when we got into the car, I realized we'd been overcharged. I went back in and the girl snidely informed me that contrary to the signing (that we had seen at two different stores mind you) the sheets were the higher price. I told her that I really wasn't interested in a life and death struggle over the price of sheets and that I would like to return them, so she called a manager, who also confirmed (neither one of them bothering to check the signing) that they were the correct price. I went outside got back into the car and burst into tears, and then laughter. I do get upset enough to cry sometimes but never so upset that I don't see the irony in the fact that I'm crying over something so stupid. This generally leads to people thinking I'm crying hysterically, when I'm actually laughing hysterically that I'm crying. I think it's a similar emotion to being so angry that you burst into tears. Oh well. I was actually upset that I'd finally tired to accomplish something and it hadn't worked out, but they were dumb bitches. I ended up buying all the bedding on Overstock.com....nothing like the internet to eliminate stupid bitchy sales clerks.
When I got back to work on Monday it was utter disaster. I ended up working a 16-hour shift and crying on the shoulder of a manager from a different department in the middle of the stairwell. I'd just received yet another piece of bad news, and I was at the breaking point. I hate crying over that job. The next shift was not a bit better, but at least I managed to hold back the tears. How bad could it be? Everyone else in my department that day quit, leaving me by myself to cover half the store. That bad. Christ.
Oh well, I'm off to bed.
For instance, is this entry a cry for help directed at a certain audience? Heh. No. I guess I just feel like I should ignore that daunting friends list and say what I really feel. For instance, I never mention when I'm annoyed with Robert because--gasp! He could read it. Like he doesn't know already, we have more snappy arguments than Dustin and I do. Or Melissa...? Stop leaving your snotty tissues on the living room floor when you come over. Gross! I hate having to pick them up to throw them away after you leave. Yes, these are petty concerns, but the point is a broad one. If I have a disagreement with Dustin I don't want to post it because I'm sure that someone is bound to tell me that our marriage about to go under (my mom does this over any event in my sister's marriage) and that I'm just not the type that should be married....whatever that means. Oooh, I'm a free spirit! Alternatively, I don't want to talk about when we're happy because it seems sort of self-involved. Well the point of this is....screw it. Screw my assumed audience, and the fact that this is livejournal, who cares if it's mostly crap. I type faster than I handwrite, so I'm keeping my real journal right here.
I guess I started thinking about this because my birthday is this weekend, time to reevaluate my life. I don't know. I was on vacation last week. Dustin and I spent the week cleaning out all the closets and stuff we don't need in the apartment and then had a garage sale. I really had a great time with him. It's comforting to know that when we actually have time to spend together, we get along beautifully. The only bad day we had was when we went to Arlington, partially to sale my comic collection to a dealer (I kept SiP, Books of Magic, and some other things) and partially to find new bedding. I had the worst time articulating what I wanted, and we spent forever looking for something just right. Dustin was getting frustrated, so I said we should buy some sheets at this Linens n' Things across from Hulen Mall. Only when we got into the car, I realized we'd been overcharged. I went back in and the girl snidely informed me that contrary to the signing (that we had seen at two different stores mind you) the sheets were the higher price. I told her that I really wasn't interested in a life and death struggle over the price of sheets and that I would like to return them, so she called a manager, who also confirmed (neither one of them bothering to check the signing) that they were the correct price. I went outside got back into the car and burst into tears, and then laughter. I do get upset enough to cry sometimes but never so upset that I don't see the irony in the fact that I'm crying over something so stupid. This generally leads to people thinking I'm crying hysterically, when I'm actually laughing hysterically that I'm crying. I think it's a similar emotion to being so angry that you burst into tears. Oh well. I was actually upset that I'd finally tired to accomplish something and it hadn't worked out, but they were dumb bitches. I ended up buying all the bedding on Overstock.com....nothing like the internet to eliminate stupid bitchy sales clerks.
When I got back to work on Monday it was utter disaster. I ended up working a 16-hour shift and crying on the shoulder of a manager from a different department in the middle of the stairwell. I'd just received yet another piece of bad news, and I was at the breaking point. I hate crying over that job. The next shift was not a bit better, but at least I managed to hold back the tears. How bad could it be? Everyone else in my department that day quit, leaving me by myself to cover half the store. That bad. Christ.
Oh well, I'm off to bed.