I. Am. Retarded.
It's nice to be liked
But it's better by far to get paid
I'm indecisive. This is a given, especially considering my current state of affairs.
I've considered myself 'unfit' for a business career for a long time, but couldn't quite put my finger on why. I finally made the connection today: I am not decisive enough to enjoy and/or be a huge success with business.
This revelation throws a HUGE wrench into the whole NYU thing. There's absolutely no reason for me to go there for an English degree (especially considering the difficulties switch now would present -- I was admitted for the business program). The English program here is fine, I know what I need to do with it, whatever. What really turned me off to majoring in English before was that I'd end up a professor. This now sounds better to me than working for some big IT corporation with a bunch of brain-dead corporate climbers.
It's not a question of whether I will leave Baton Rouge -- it's a question of when. Could I put up with this place for a few more years? Yes. Do I want to? not particularly? I just don't know. Everything that was pushing me away has stagnated to the point where it's tolerable.
I sat down with my parents and discussed this with them last night. Dad's advice is the same as it was last year: finish the undergraduate degree at LSU, whatever it may be, and then go somewhere else for graduate school. A big-name graduate degree will look just as good as an NYU undergraduate degree will, and in some ways it will get me farther in the long run. The education will be basically the same. My parents and I would basically be paying for a name on a piece of paper. This frustrates me to no end.
LSU means:
- I don't have to pay tuition until 2010
- I still have English as an option (I do what I want, whatever it may be)
- I end up with a house/condo (probably) with a roommate I know and trust (except when ketchup is involved)
- I stay in the same town - I know where things are, what I need to do to get by (this is both a pro and a con)
- NOT getting the big name degree; eventually moving away for grad school or something similar after I end up with whichever degree I go with
NYU means:
- Moving to a new place and meeting new people (this is a slightly scary but ultimately good thing)
- Getting out of this hellish climate
- Living in a more active, interesting, and open-minded/liberal area sooner rather than later
- My parents hemorrhaging debt for the next 2.5-3 years
- Being stuck in a big-name business degree program whether or not I end up liking what I am doing
- Basically giving up on any sort of career in English, at least at the academic level -- I could write it in my spare time, but that will most likely not happen (because it doesn't really happen to any significant extent now)
As far as I'm concerned, the real problem with the ISDS program in both places for me is that it's a 40-hour business core with a minor in information technology. It sounds excessively mind-numbing considering all I'm really interested in is the technology part. I couldn't care much less about market growth and financial analysis.
It kind of reminds me of my sister's mother-in-law. She became a doctor, but she had a big thing for pottery. She practiced medicine for years and years. Now that she's retired she's doing her pottery, and she's absolutely loving it (and it looks pretty nice too, she gave my sister a vase). That gives me some perspective at least -- deciding now doesn't mean I can't go back and do something else in 30 years, I suppose.
There is no denying that this is an amazing opportunity. But is it the right opportunity?
What really frustrates me is how excited I was about going before. A lot of people are expecting me to go -- even me. Would it be a let-down if I stayed? I guess not. It just feels so ridiculous to be in this position again. I'm just making a fool of myself.
Or maybe I'm figuring things out before I make an irreversible mistake.
I have all these thoughts written out, but what's really sticking out for me is that the most fun I've ever had in any class is sitting around a seminar table and talking about whatever poem or piece of fiction we'd read or written. If I keep going with English I could be doing that for the rest of my life.
Sticking around for accounting and economics classes quite possibly left me the most bored I've ever been. Applying concepts I don't give a rat's ass about does not seem like the best plan, even if it does mean making the big dollaz.
That makes the answer seem so simple, but it's just... not.
Humbug. This is all far less important than it seems.
But it's better by far to get paid
I'm indecisive. This is a given, especially considering my current state of affairs.
I've considered myself 'unfit' for a business career for a long time, but couldn't quite put my finger on why. I finally made the connection today: I am not decisive enough to enjoy and/or be a huge success with business.
This revelation throws a HUGE wrench into the whole NYU thing. There's absolutely no reason for me to go there for an English degree (especially considering the difficulties switch now would present -- I was admitted for the business program). The English program here is fine, I know what I need to do with it, whatever. What really turned me off to majoring in English before was that I'd end up a professor. This now sounds better to me than working for some big IT corporation with a bunch of brain-dead corporate climbers.
It's not a question of whether I will leave Baton Rouge -- it's a question of when. Could I put up with this place for a few more years? Yes. Do I want to? not particularly? I just don't know. Everything that was pushing me away has stagnated to the point where it's tolerable.
I sat down with my parents and discussed this with them last night. Dad's advice is the same as it was last year: finish the undergraduate degree at LSU, whatever it may be, and then go somewhere else for graduate school. A big-name graduate degree will look just as good as an NYU undergraduate degree will, and in some ways it will get me farther in the long run. The education will be basically the same. My parents and I would basically be paying for a name on a piece of paper. This frustrates me to no end.
LSU means:
- I don't have to pay tuition until 2010
- I still have English as an option (I do what I want, whatever it may be)
- I end up with a house/condo (probably) with a roommate I know and trust (except when ketchup is involved)
- I stay in the same town - I know where things are, what I need to do to get by (this is both a pro and a con)
- NOT getting the big name degree; eventually moving away for grad school or something similar after I end up with whichever degree I go with
NYU means:
- Moving to a new place and meeting new people (this is a slightly scary but ultimately good thing)
- Getting out of this hellish climate
- Living in a more active, interesting, and open-minded/liberal area sooner rather than later
- My parents hemorrhaging debt for the next 2.5-3 years
- Being stuck in a big-name business degree program whether or not I end up liking what I am doing
- Basically giving up on any sort of career in English, at least at the academic level -- I could write it in my spare time, but that will most likely not happen (because it doesn't really happen to any significant extent now)
As far as I'm concerned, the real problem with the ISDS program in both places for me is that it's a 40-hour business core with a minor in information technology. It sounds excessively mind-numbing considering all I'm really interested in is the technology part. I couldn't care much less about market growth and financial analysis.
It kind of reminds me of my sister's mother-in-law. She became a doctor, but she had a big thing for pottery. She practiced medicine for years and years. Now that she's retired she's doing her pottery, and she's absolutely loving it (and it looks pretty nice too, she gave my sister a vase). That gives me some perspective at least -- deciding now doesn't mean I can't go back and do something else in 30 years, I suppose.
There is no denying that this is an amazing opportunity. But is it the right opportunity?
What really frustrates me is how excited I was about going before. A lot of people are expecting me to go -- even me. Would it be a let-down if I stayed? I guess not. It just feels so ridiculous to be in this position again. I'm just making a fool of myself.
Or maybe I'm figuring things out before I make an irreversible mistake.
I have all these thoughts written out, but what's really sticking out for me is that the most fun I've ever had in any class is sitting around a seminar table and talking about whatever poem or piece of fiction we'd read or written. If I keep going with English I could be doing that for the rest of my life.
Sticking around for accounting and economics classes quite possibly left me the most bored I've ever been. Applying concepts I don't give a rat's ass about does not seem like the best plan, even if it does mean making the big dollaz.
That makes the answer seem so simple, but it's just... not.
Humbug. This is all far less important than it seems.