(no subject)
my friend speaks of games... fuck games! im tired of being lonely...
mother fucker!
by the way... i am happy a decent portion of the time.. but it appears im getting a bit of my winter depressions
cant tell whats causing it
have an idea
whats the fucking point in getting crushes? whats the fucking point!
all its doing is hurting the rest of my world right now... and thats fucking weak... really weak... theres no reason why something as insignificant as this... as her or whatever... should be srewing with my mind.
school matters
friends matter
living matters
and i dot feel like i am living when i feel this way
fuck this!
last night i dressed up as a boxer (it was weak as all get out)... i felt so uncomforable at the party because:
1. i love halloween but i couldnt come up with shit
2. so little prospects
3. hate being put in situations i dont want to be in... aka: dancing (i love to dance! but not when you have a group of people yelling at me to dance... i feel so akward... like im trying to perform for a group of people) i know tahts what all the girls want... all they want is someone relaxed.. someone not afraid to be themselves... well this is me! a shrivled, shy, loser-geek of a human who woudl rather just sit at home and watch a scary movie
this is why im going ot be alone
because i can't branch out
people constantly tell me how attractive i am... how i should just go for it...
cant you understand that i cant do that?!
it makes me tired
it makes me not want to do anything
fuck it mother fucking fucking mother fucker
all i wanted to do was punch the wall last night... not enjoy myself
because how can jon mills enjoy himself?
he cant
mother fucker!
by the way... i am happy a decent portion of the time.. but it appears im getting a bit of my winter depressions
cant tell whats causing it
have an idea
whats the fucking point in getting crushes? whats the fucking point!
all its doing is hurting the rest of my world right now... and thats fucking weak... really weak... theres no reason why something as insignificant as this... as her or whatever... should be srewing with my mind.
school matters
friends matter
living matters
and i dot feel like i am living when i feel this way
fuck this!
last night i dressed up as a boxer (it was weak as all get out)... i felt so uncomforable at the party because:
1. i love halloween but i couldnt come up with shit
2. so little prospects
3. hate being put in situations i dont want to be in... aka: dancing (i love to dance! but not when you have a group of people yelling at me to dance... i feel so akward... like im trying to perform for a group of people) i know tahts what all the girls want... all they want is someone relaxed.. someone not afraid to be themselves... well this is me! a shrivled, shy, loser-geek of a human who woudl rather just sit at home and watch a scary movie
this is why im going ot be alone
because i can't branch out
people constantly tell me how attractive i am... how i should just go for it...
cant you understand that i cant do that?!
it makes me tired
it makes me not want to do anything
fuck it mother fucking fucking mother fucker
all i wanted to do was punch the wall last night... not enjoy myself
because how can jon mills enjoy himself?
he cant