...time, thought i'd made friends with time.
This is really the end of an era.
Eight years I spent at that school. The good, the bad, the ugly.
And I loved it, with every fibre of my being, behind the annoyance, the boredom, the fastidious matters, I enjoyed this time for it was wat formed me.
It was the experience that determined the past few years. Everything was somehow centered around school, everything somewhat linked to it. The people I was around for all those years are going to be the people I will from now on see once a year and maybe give a call and send a letter every once in a while.
The people, like Ron, who has been my best friend ever since seventh grade, with whom I shared everything, are already getting distant.
Laughter, joy, sadness, boyfriends, travelling, sleeping on the roof, dancing, alcohol...we were those cliché best friends who ended each other's sentence.
And Jonas, my best guy friend, who is the most lovely and understanding guy and who knows me inside out. He idolizes me, but he also is there for me whenever, really whenever, I need him.
And today was lovely. We made teachers compete against each other, and then they had to do live walks, like on Germany's next Topmodel.
I got home drunk...at 10.30...am. I slept for another three hours, and now I am sad.
I think of leaving and I think of leaving boyfriend behind. We are not intending to split. But how long can we pull that off?
Half a year, two years? Maybe...but four years?
Of course, I don't expect my first love to last forever, and yet...it feels strangely right at the moment.
Changes are good, but I feel like this one is coming at the wrong time.
I am happy, whole heartedly I can say I am happy. I am sane, I feel like I love myself and others love or at least accept me.
I don't feel like running anymore.
What I did was always running! I did confront my problems. Yet, I wished to go, to leave, because I felt like this was not my place.
I know I can be happy like this in another place, with other people.
Yet, right now, it hurts to think so.
Eight years I spent at that school. The good, the bad, the ugly.
And I loved it, with every fibre of my being, behind the annoyance, the boredom, the fastidious matters, I enjoyed this time for it was wat formed me.
It was the experience that determined the past few years. Everything was somehow centered around school, everything somewhat linked to it. The people I was around for all those years are going to be the people I will from now on see once a year and maybe give a call and send a letter every once in a while.
The people, like Ron, who has been my best friend ever since seventh grade, with whom I shared everything, are already getting distant.
Laughter, joy, sadness, boyfriends, travelling, sleeping on the roof, dancing, alcohol...we were those cliché best friends who ended each other's sentence.
And Jonas, my best guy friend, who is the most lovely and understanding guy and who knows me inside out. He idolizes me, but he also is there for me whenever, really whenever, I need him.
And today was lovely. We made teachers compete against each other, and then they had to do live walks, like on Germany's next Topmodel.
I got home drunk...at 10.30...am. I slept for another three hours, and now I am sad.
I think of leaving and I think of leaving boyfriend behind. We are not intending to split. But how long can we pull that off?
Half a year, two years? Maybe...but four years?
Of course, I don't expect my first love to last forever, and yet...it feels strangely right at the moment.
Changes are good, but I feel like this one is coming at the wrong time.
I am happy, whole heartedly I can say I am happy. I am sane, I feel like I love myself and others love or at least accept me.
I don't feel like running anymore.
What I did was always running! I did confront my problems. Yet, I wished to go, to leave, because I felt like this was not my place.
I know I can be happy like this in another place, with other people.
Yet, right now, it hurts to think so.