The Power of Gay Porn (And Other Life Lessons)
We have to do a daily journal in English, right? Today's was "What is something you've learned in school that you didn't learn from a book?"
My Answer: Teenage boys will do anything you tell them to if you challenge their masculinity.
I had a perfect example, but unfortunately, I couldn't tell Ms. Simmons this, because it's not exactly appropriate for school.
So, last year, I brought a slash fic to school for the first time. I was Nick/Greg and rather NC-17, which was par for the course for me, but my class mates? No so much. I was reading it in English when Billy turned around and asked me what ti was. I turned it towards him (Mid sex scene) and he read one line, shouted in horror and pushed it back towards my chest. I promptly fell over laughing. Any of you who have ever heard me laugh hysterically know that I sound somewhat like a dying seal. This, understandably, attracted the attention of some nearby classmates. JJ and Rolf in particular wondered why Billy was staring at my book like it had jumped off the desk and started to do a burlesque dance to Britney Spears.
Well, I'm a giver, so I explained what it was to the pair of boys who wrinkle their eyebrows and took the binder from me and began to read. They got to the end of the page and saw that the last sentence ended after the first two words, "Nick sucked."
"C'mon, man!" JJ said, smacking his fist onto the table and fixing Rolf with a determined stare. "We gotta find out what he's sucking on, man!" Rolf eyed the binder with much confusion and trepidation but consented and they turned the page.
They stopped soon after that, making disgusted noises and handing me the binder, telling me exactly how weird I was. I simply smiled and continued where I'd left off. I have not stopped teasing JJ about this to this day.
This afternoon, however, I sat in my medical class reading I Like The Way You Still Say Please by keepaofthecheez when Gregg came up next to me. Gregg is known for his infamous "They're just talking with their mouths really close together!" in response to a manip of Sam and Dean kissing, so I respectfully covered the fic I was reading with a sheet of notebook paper so he wouldn't inadvertently see the work "cock" and have a melt down or something. Gregg, however, is apparently as masochistic as Devon and I for he picked up the paper, saw the word "Cock" and gave me a strange look. I sighed, explained why I put the paper there and then proceeded to tell him about the earlier JJ story. Gregg eyed the fic on the table and said, "I'm kind of curious, I wonder how far I could get. Gimme your worst."
So, I got the first sex scene in the book between Alec and Dean and handed it to him. [By the way, if you haven't read the story and you watch Dark Angel and Gilmore Girls, I highly recommend it because it's hot and funny and sweet.] Gregg made it through the first scene [two pages] and then stopped when he flipped to the next page and saw the words "tongue baths." He handed it back to me and sat around with a traumatized expression on his face while Jordan and I laughed.
Chris chose this moment to ask why Gregg look a little like he wanted to die, so I explained the JJ thing and then how Gregg wanted to see how far he could get. "I bet I could get farther," Chris said, demonstrating that, apparently, the pissing contest like machismo I see in the weight room is not confined to such areas. "Gimme some."
I hand him four pages and watched with extreme amusement as he read through the pages, each word twisting his face further into the sort of horrified fascination usually attributed to car crash onlookers. He made his way past "tongue baths" and forged on for another half a page before finally giving up and burying his face in his hands. "Congratulations, Chris!" I chirped, cheerily as Pricilla took the pages from me. "You're the Official Record Holder for Most Pages of Gay Porn Read By One of My Straight Guy Friend (To My Knowledge)."
"Somehow," Chris muttered wearily. "I can't bring myself to be proud of this achievement."
As Pricilla read the pages with the exact same horrified/fascinated expression, I explained the challenge to Juan, who agreed to undertake it the next day. Shortly after, the bell rang and I made my way to sixth hour.
50 minutes alter, Darwayne and I entered English and I flopped the papers down onto his desk and explained the challenge. "I bet I can read four," he said, rubbing his hands together.
"You're on," I smirked.
He hadn't even finished the first sentence before he groaned, "Oh, God, I can't do it."
"Pussy," said Leslie.
"Alright," Darwayne grumbled and set about his task again.
About twenty minutes later, Darwayne had finished the four pages, set the new record and collected a $1.25 as a reward for breaking the day's record. I quizzed him to make sure he'd actually read it and spent the rest of the period teasing him ruthlessly. I offered the challenge to J'heovany, Gary and Matt, who almost accepted until Darwayne pointed out that he would have almost rather have had his dick turned into flowers than had to read that. They accepted the blows to their manhood. I sighed.
Later, as I made my way to the bus loop, I explained the whole thing to Carlos, who accepted the challenge. I'm bring the porn to him tomorrow morning. This should be fun.
My Answer: Teenage boys will do anything you tell them to if you challenge their masculinity.
I had a perfect example, but unfortunately, I couldn't tell Ms. Simmons this, because it's not exactly appropriate for school.
So, last year, I brought a slash fic to school for the first time. I was Nick/Greg and rather NC-17, which was par for the course for me, but my class mates? No so much. I was reading it in English when Billy turned around and asked me what ti was. I turned it towards him (Mid sex scene) and he read one line, shouted in horror and pushed it back towards my chest. I promptly fell over laughing. Any of you who have ever heard me laugh hysterically know that I sound somewhat like a dying seal. This, understandably, attracted the attention of some nearby classmates. JJ and Rolf in particular wondered why Billy was staring at my book like it had jumped off the desk and started to do a burlesque dance to Britney Spears.
Well, I'm a giver, so I explained what it was to the pair of boys who wrinkle their eyebrows and took the binder from me and began to read. They got to the end of the page and saw that the last sentence ended after the first two words, "Nick sucked."
"C'mon, man!" JJ said, smacking his fist onto the table and fixing Rolf with a determined stare. "We gotta find out what he's sucking on, man!" Rolf eyed the binder with much confusion and trepidation but consented and they turned the page.
They stopped soon after that, making disgusted noises and handing me the binder, telling me exactly how weird I was. I simply smiled and continued where I'd left off. I have not stopped teasing JJ about this to this day.
This afternoon, however, I sat in my medical class reading I Like The Way You Still Say Please by keepaofthecheez when Gregg came up next to me. Gregg is known for his infamous "They're just talking with their mouths really close together!" in response to a manip of Sam and Dean kissing, so I respectfully covered the fic I was reading with a sheet of notebook paper so he wouldn't inadvertently see the work "cock" and have a melt down or something. Gregg, however, is apparently as masochistic as Devon and I for he picked up the paper, saw the word "Cock" and gave me a strange look. I sighed, explained why I put the paper there and then proceeded to tell him about the earlier JJ story. Gregg eyed the fic on the table and said, "I'm kind of curious, I wonder how far I could get. Gimme your worst."
So, I got the first sex scene in the book between Alec and Dean and handed it to him. [By the way, if you haven't read the story and you watch Dark Angel and Gilmore Girls, I highly recommend it because it's hot and funny and sweet.] Gregg made it through the first scene [two pages] and then stopped when he flipped to the next page and saw the words "tongue baths." He handed it back to me and sat around with a traumatized expression on his face while Jordan and I laughed.
Chris chose this moment to ask why Gregg look a little like he wanted to die, so I explained the JJ thing and then how Gregg wanted to see how far he could get. "I bet I could get farther," Chris said, demonstrating that, apparently, the pissing contest like machismo I see in the weight room is not confined to such areas. "Gimme some."
I hand him four pages and watched with extreme amusement as he read through the pages, each word twisting his face further into the sort of horrified fascination usually attributed to car crash onlookers. He made his way past "tongue baths" and forged on for another half a page before finally giving up and burying his face in his hands. "Congratulations, Chris!" I chirped, cheerily as Pricilla took the pages from me. "You're the Official Record Holder for Most Pages of Gay Porn Read By One of My Straight Guy Friend (To My Knowledge)."
"Somehow," Chris muttered wearily. "I can't bring myself to be proud of this achievement."
As Pricilla read the pages with the exact same horrified/fascinated expression, I explained the challenge to Juan, who agreed to undertake it the next day. Shortly after, the bell rang and I made my way to sixth hour.
50 minutes alter, Darwayne and I entered English and I flopped the papers down onto his desk and explained the challenge. "I bet I can read four," he said, rubbing his hands together.
"You're on," I smirked.
He hadn't even finished the first sentence before he groaned, "Oh, God, I can't do it."
"Pussy," said Leslie.
"Alright," Darwayne grumbled and set about his task again.
About twenty minutes later, Darwayne had finished the four pages, set the new record and collected a $1.25 as a reward for breaking the day's record. I quizzed him to make sure he'd actually read it and spent the rest of the period teasing him ruthlessly. I offered the challenge to J'heovany, Gary and Matt, who almost accepted until Darwayne pointed out that he would have almost rather have had his dick turned into flowers than had to read that. They accepted the blows to their manhood. I sighed.
Later, as I made my way to the bus loop, I explained the whole thing to Carlos, who accepted the challenge. I'm bring the porn to him tomorrow morning. This should be fun.