Remembering
So... It's been a while...
I was just looking back at who I was in 2005... so much has changed.
Was I really that much more creative then? Where has that all gone? I feel so much more restricted now. So much more serious, and afraid. It's not that I'm not happy... I'm very happy with things as they are. I just feel so much more... grown up.
I think about that alot. How I've always felt a little older than I am. I've always felt like I couldn't just be my age. I think my parents made me that way... always wanting me to be the best at everything I ever did... never letting me be a kid. I went with it. Boarding School, College, Marriage, Graduate School... I've always done what I should do.
My uncle said something to me recently... He told me to get on with living life and put down the books. I want that very much. I have my nurse practitioner boards looming in my future, and though I know they will be probably the hardest test I've ever taken... I'm sure I'll pass, becuase I've studied incesantly... like I'm supposed to. I think when it's over it's time for a new leaf.
Not a new level of responsibility... not what everyone thinks I should do (kids), but what we want... what I want... just some time...
and with that I am back in my head... back to some time for my thoughts... back to venting what I'm thinking, doing, feeling.
Hopefully I'll find that creative person I once was.
I was just looking back at who I was in 2005... so much has changed.
Was I really that much more creative then? Where has that all gone? I feel so much more restricted now. So much more serious, and afraid. It's not that I'm not happy... I'm very happy with things as they are. I just feel so much more... grown up.
I think about that alot. How I've always felt a little older than I am. I've always felt like I couldn't just be my age. I think my parents made me that way... always wanting me to be the best at everything I ever did... never letting me be a kid. I went with it. Boarding School, College, Marriage, Graduate School... I've always done what I should do.
My uncle said something to me recently... He told me to get on with living life and put down the books. I want that very much. I have my nurse practitioner boards looming in my future, and though I know they will be probably the hardest test I've ever taken... I'm sure I'll pass, becuase I've studied incesantly... like I'm supposed to. I think when it's over it's time for a new leaf.
Not a new level of responsibility... not what everyone thinks I should do (kids), but what we want... what I want... just some time...
and with that I am back in my head... back to some time for my thoughts... back to venting what I'm thinking, doing, feeling.
Hopefully I'll find that creative person I once was.