(no subject)
So last night I went to Diagon Alley to hang with friends and girlfriend in costume to celebrate the release of the final HP. Well, this was after the barbeque thing I had with family friends. Sitting around outside talking religion and Middle East and/or African politics. And it's weird, but it's almost like being in a different culture when I'm hanging out with a bunch of Christians. Sitting there hearing them call me my old name and feeling their expectations on me, and by the end of it sort of going, well maybe I could be who they want me to be. Maybe maybe. Until I remember that I really, really just can't. And not being comfortable until I can go home and change.
Anyway, Harry Potter. Haven't read it yet. Don't spoil unless I ask, plzkthnx. But there was a street festival last night and after I'd gotten home from the barbeque and changed, I caught a bus dispite the overwhelming unhelpfullness that is teleride/the CT website, and went downtown. I found Lacy and co. almost immediately. It was amazing, considering the amount of people that were there. The chances must have been a million to one or something. Found Caro eventually and we shoved our way through crowds, looking at people's costumes and going on a grand quest to find Tracy a washroom. woot. And there were acrobats and it was cool. We stayed till about midnight, when people started cheering and buying books and all that craziness. Then we left. I don't have a book, nor have I ordered one. I'm planning on getting one next week or so, after the insanity has died down slightly, or maybe just borrow it from someone. Not actually that much of a fan, so I don't really care. And everyone there used the right name and it was fabulous.
Ok, so I overheard Mom talking to my brother last night, 'cause she called him after I'd 'gone to bed,' except that I'd left the door open so that the cat could sit at the foot of my bed for a while (didn't want her trapped in my room all night). And she started talking about me and how she thinks I'm 'confused' because, though I dress like a guy, I don't act like one. And she said she expected me to completely change or something. Because, you know, as soon as I come out as trans, I clearly must start acting butch! And liking sports! And drinking beer! And watching hockey! omg! And we've had whole conversations where Mom is like, 'If you want to be a guy, why do you want to major in fibre?' and all sorts of just complete and utter bull shit. Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that there's only one way of acting male. Clearly all flamboyant gay guys must secretly be women. And I don't want to change completely just so people think of me as male, but I'm sick of this expectation that I must act One Certain Way, or I'm not actually a guy. Just, you know, a butch lesbian, or something. *snort*
My parents don't take me seriously and it's aggravating. Yesterday Mom told the Watts that we (as a family) are going to be some sort of ministering thing, all of us, together. And I'm all like, well, thank you for giving me a fucking choice. And it's just, I bet they don't even take the 'I like girls' thing seriously because I like guys, too. The thing with Caro must simply be over-fondness for my best friend or something. I couldn't actually love her. Not like that. And the trans thing must simply be a side-effect from going to art college and not believing in absolutes. Clearly if I just go back to the fold like a good little sheep and accept the love of my Lord Jesus Christ I'll find a nice husband and start liking pink again!
I don't even know what to do anymore. Yes, they're in denial. But guess what? They're still in denial over me not being Christian anymore, and I told them that five years ago. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother coming out.
Anyway, Harry Potter. Haven't read it yet. Don't spoil unless I ask, plzkthnx. But there was a street festival last night and after I'd gotten home from the barbeque and changed, I caught a bus dispite the overwhelming unhelpfullness that is teleride/the CT website, and went downtown. I found Lacy and co. almost immediately. It was amazing, considering the amount of people that were there. The chances must have been a million to one or something. Found Caro eventually and we shoved our way through crowds, looking at people's costumes and going on a grand quest to find Tracy a washroom. woot. And there were acrobats and it was cool. We stayed till about midnight, when people started cheering and buying books and all that craziness. Then we left. I don't have a book, nor have I ordered one. I'm planning on getting one next week or so, after the insanity has died down slightly, or maybe just borrow it from someone. Not actually that much of a fan, so I don't really care. And everyone there used the right name and it was fabulous.
Ok, so I overheard Mom talking to my brother last night, 'cause she called him after I'd 'gone to bed,' except that I'd left the door open so that the cat could sit at the foot of my bed for a while (didn't want her trapped in my room all night). And she started talking about me and how she thinks I'm 'confused' because, though I dress like a guy, I don't act like one. And she said she expected me to completely change or something. Because, you know, as soon as I come out as trans, I clearly must start acting butch! And liking sports! And drinking beer! And watching hockey! omg! And we've had whole conversations where Mom is like, 'If you want to be a guy, why do you want to major in fibre?' and all sorts of just complete and utter bull shit. Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that there's only one way of acting male. Clearly all flamboyant gay guys must secretly be women. And I don't want to change completely just so people think of me as male, but I'm sick of this expectation that I must act One Certain Way, or I'm not actually a guy. Just, you know, a butch lesbian, or something. *snort*
My parents don't take me seriously and it's aggravating. Yesterday Mom told the Watts that we (as a family) are going to be some sort of ministering thing, all of us, together. And I'm all like, well, thank you for giving me a fucking choice. And it's just, I bet they don't even take the 'I like girls' thing seriously because I like guys, too. The thing with Caro must simply be over-fondness for my best friend or something. I couldn't actually love her. Not like that. And the trans thing must simply be a side-effect from going to art college and not believing in absolutes. Clearly if I just go back to the fold like a good little sheep and accept the love of my Lord Jesus Christ I'll find a nice husband and start liking pink again!
I don't even know what to do anymore. Yes, they're in denial. But guess what? They're still in denial over me not being Christian anymore, and I told them that five years ago. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother coming out.