Humm..

Jun 22, 2006 14:32

I dont have much to say about anything new. Ive been in some better moods of late and i can account it to taking the pales befor gales concept. Ive been spending all my free time playing airsoft and hanging with my guy friends. Most all id have to say Mark. That is one cool mother fucker. I feel honored everytime i hang with him becasue he knows alout of people in lapeer and each time im introduced hes like. "this is Jon Logan one of the finer people in lapeer.. we just call him Logan however." im allways like wow thats pretty nice of him..

On a slightly sadder note i read Jess's journal and despite my attempts to just forget about the whole ordeal i fined myself constantly slipping. Picking up my phone and scrolling down to her number.. Luckly ive been able to stop.. I dont know why i do this and im sertain that it wouldnt work even if i could win her back she would never trust me right? I dont know and i think not knowing bothers me the most. I go back and forth thinking yeah she made you happy go for it.. to no shes betteroff with out you.. Drives me nuts..

However with most thing is have an ideal to why it is the way that it is.. I think That she does still lov eme because if love is true it never really dies or goes away you just kinda lie about it. For example I still love Nicole and Mindy and i allways will. Just like ill allways love Jess. I mean who els is gonna give me that reason to go see harry potter? I cant look nerdy by my self seesh.. At least then i could say "what my girlfriend wanted to." Now its like my secrest out tha tim some kinda secret fan.. I dont think she would openly admit that she still loves me due to 3 reasons. One i hurt her and she is scared that i would do the same shitty thing i did the last time wich is understandable im an ass hole. Two her friends hate my guts and despit thinking your your own person friends have a big part of your choices in there hands baleave me i know. Three Her parents wich im sure have hit men after me by now.. *shrugs* To think i siad this would be short.. well sorry for that lie i guess.. *yawns* im going back to bed this whole sinues thing hurts..
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