Not all of us are so cheery as you all the time, sweetheart. And sometimes when all there looks to be on the horizon is more pain and more darkness, you don't want to face it anymore.
And now you'll say something about how life is all sunshine and rainbows and shit, won't ya?
Oh, I understand that -- certainly everyone has dark times! I do know what it's like to be desperate and alone and to...to just sort of want everything to go away, because your heart just can't take anymore, and...well. It's not that I'm confused about.
When times are at their worst, the only way you can get through them is by having hope! I just can't conceive of ever being so downhearted that you can't even hope any more...
Trust me it's...possible. When things are at their very worst, sometimes there just doesn't seem to be an up to go to. That the hope that something after death is the only hope they have.
If you knew, for certain, things would never get better, what would you do? Just...suffer? Until you died of something else?
But there is always hope! Even you've lost something, or...someone...there is always, always something around that you can believe in! You just have to know where to look! Why, even if there is nothing else left, you always have your dreams, right there in your heart -- and there is nothing better than a dream to place your hopes in! So I'm really not certain why anyone...
...Oh, dear. Everyone's trying to explain it to me, and I just don't seem to be able to understand. Perhaps it's because I've been lucky -- why, back when I felt like the world had just lost all its sparkle and wonder, I was fortunate enough to fall in with the most wonderful, loving, and pure-hearted people in the entire universe! So I may...be a bit spoiled, in that regard.
But I do want to understand. I've always wanted to help people -- well, that and sing, but that's another story right there -- but if I can't even understand something like this...
Not when you've lost everything. Everything you've loved, everything you believed in, or worked for or trusted in. When even your dreams have been crushed, what do you have left?
And, yeah, you're lucky, that you fell in with some good people. Maybe you'll be that person for someone else, huh?
I mean, take all this with a grain of salt. I survived that period of my life by sheer bull-headedness and a lot of booze that was probably akin to killing myself slowly but anyways. When I actually tried...well, that's another story for another time, probably.
Fuck, this is getting me all depressed. I need a drink.
But there's never nothing left. Even if all you have are the...pieces of your dreams, that's still something, isn't it? Pieces can be put back together.
Oh my. I'm sorry -- I must sound so very insensitive to someone who's been through horrible things -- but I really am just trying to understand, so that I can learn to help people who've gone so far that they've turned to...this. But...if you'll excuse me being somewhat presumptuous...you're here now, so you got through it, didn't you? Don't you think it can be said that things did get better?
Oh, this discussion is getting a teensy bit unhappy, isn't it? I am dreadfully sorry -- I didn't mean to make anyone upset -- oh, dear, and now I'm more confused than ever...
[filtered to Giselle]thesnakecharmFebruary 6 2009, 05:51:04 UTC
Not always. Sometimes you gotta make new dreams, and that can be harder than anything. Not all of us are up to it.
I...guess? That time in my life...I had one person, for a little while. And then when they were gone I had to re-learn how to survive on my own. The one time I almost...killed myself, it was to try and kill someone very bad, and I do not regret that and will do it if I can catch the bastard.
Things got better, sure, but it was long and hard getting there and I learned how to deal. Some people aren't that strong though.
It's...a confusing subject for someone who's never faced that herself.
[filtered to Anko]happylittlesongFebruary 6 2009, 06:10:36 UTC
...Perhaps it's not quite the same thing, but I think I do understand, at least a little. When I was growing up I only really had one person -- and the little woodland creatures, of course, but as much as I do adore them, I must admit they're just not the same; they're not as...constant -- and when she died...
I am sorry for your loss, truly I am. I really thought I might die, without her -- not that I wanted to, or wished for it, but I just didn't know what to do without her. I'd never lived by myself, or even really been out of the forest before, and I still don't think I've ever truly adjusted to civilization -- I don't think I shall ever get used to shoes, for instance. Oh dear.
...But you didn't want to die, did you? I think that sacrificing yourself for something is different from truly wanting to die. ...Of course, death is deplorable in any case, but...I don't think it's the same thing, really
( ... )
Re: [filtered to Giselle]thesnakecharmFebruary 6 2009, 06:59:31 UTC
Now imagine that instead of dying she had told you you were not good enough for her and had left you cursed and broken. And that everyone considered you a traitor for even trusting her. Then you can begin to imagine how I felt. And it could have been worse. It...could have, and I still look back at that time and am amazed that I survived at all.
Yeah, it's probably not quite the same thing but, you know, taking out one person for revenge isn't exactly noble, even if it would save a whole fucking lot of people. Despair of a different sort, when that's the only option avaliable.
Maybe.
You...may not be quite getting it, but you do seem to be trying kiddo. And a lot of times, from what I've seen, knowing someone is doing their best to understand is better than all the sparkles and rainbows in the world.
And now you'll say something about how life is all sunshine and rainbows and shit, won't ya?
Reply
When times are at their worst, the only way you can get through them is by having hope! I just can't conceive of ever being so downhearted that you can't even hope any more...
Reply
If you knew, for certain, things would never get better, what would you do? Just...suffer? Until you died of something else?
Reply
...Oh, dear. Everyone's trying to explain it to me, and I just don't seem to be able to understand. Perhaps it's because I've been lucky -- why, back when I felt like the world had just lost all its sparkle and wonder, I was fortunate enough to fall in with the most wonderful, loving, and pure-hearted people in the entire universe! So I may...be a bit spoiled, in that regard.
But I do want to understand. I've always wanted to help people -- well, that and sing, but that's another story right there -- but if I can't even understand something like this...
Reply
And, yeah, you're lucky, that you fell in with some good people. Maybe you'll be that person for someone else, huh?
I mean, take all this with a grain of salt. I survived that period of my life by sheer bull-headedness and a lot of booze that was probably akin to killing myself slowly but anyways. When I actually tried...well, that's another story for another time, probably.
Fuck, this is getting me all depressed. I need a drink.
Reply
Oh my. I'm sorry -- I must sound so very insensitive to someone who's been through horrible things -- but I really am just trying to understand, so that I can learn to help people who've gone so far that they've turned to...this. But...if you'll excuse me being somewhat presumptuous...you're here now, so you got through it, didn't you? Don't you think it can be said that things did get better?
Oh, this discussion is getting a teensy bit unhappy, isn't it? I am dreadfully sorry -- I didn't mean to make anyone upset -- oh, dear, and now I'm more confused than ever...
Reply
I...guess? That time in my life...I had one person, for a little while. And then when they were gone I had to re-learn how to survive on my own. The one time I almost...killed myself, it was to try and kill someone very bad, and I do not regret that and will do it if I can catch the bastard.
Things got better, sure, but it was long and hard getting there and I learned how to deal. Some people aren't that strong though.
It's...a confusing subject for someone who's never faced that herself.
Reply
I am sorry for your loss, truly I am. I really thought I might die, without her -- not that I wanted to, or wished for it, but I just didn't know what to do without her. I'd never lived by myself, or even really been out of the forest before, and I still don't think I've ever truly adjusted to civilization -- I don't think I shall ever get used to shoes, for instance. Oh dear.
...But you didn't want to die, did you? I think that sacrificing yourself for something is different from truly wanting to die. ...Of course, death is deplorable in any case, but...I don't think it's the same thing, really ( ... )
Reply
Yeah, it's probably not quite the same thing but, you know, taking out one person for revenge isn't exactly noble, even if it would save a whole fucking lot of people. Despair of a different sort, when that's the only option avaliable.
Maybe.
You...may not be quite getting it, but you do seem to be trying kiddo. And a lot of times, from what I've seen, knowing someone is doing their best to understand is better than all the sparkles and rainbows in the world.
Reply
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