(no subject)
It's been hard these past couple of months...with everything. you would think that everything would settle down, that this whole emotional roller coaster would end, but it just keeps getting worse. i turned 19 last weekend...i got a new car for my bday :) i wanted a puppy but a car works. heh. i had a bday party on sunday...i really do love my family. it's nice knowing that they'll all be there for me no matter what. i know that if something were to happen for me i'd have 80 something ppl there to back me up, which is extremely comforting. i've been working these past couple of days...still doing interviews and saving up. i really really really want to study abroad...so yes. and i'll be taking one summer class so that should keep me busy for a lil bit. other than that i really have no idea what this summer will bring. it's refreshing in a way. i've been thinking a lot lately about how much everything has changed, not only within myself but with everybody else around me. my mom and henry are for sure getting divorced...paperwork is in and everything. i'm not exactly sure how to feel about that. it just makes me sad, not for me or my siblings, but for them. everything will change...again. sometimes i get tired of change, it is so unpredictable and hard to deal with. i have no idea when my dad is coming back. he's doing ok over there...so there's really no rush to come here, especially with the way that everything is right now. sometimes i get really scared of the future, i get scared that i won't be able to handle whatever is thrown at me...but we'll see. i'm just waiting for something good and exciting to happen...i've been waiting for a long time i'd say. i started writing again...i think that's what i needed the most, if that makes any sense. i want to go to mexico this summer...i miss my dad and my family. i think i just miss being little in general. it makes me so sad the way that everything is just changing, but with change new doors open. i need to find a roomate cuz my sister will be leaving in a year or so...which is also sad cuz i don't want her to leave me. heh. well i'm just rambling now, so i'm gonna go. meow.