Its never an end till you see the end
its been few months before my last entry. i guess you only turn to such channel when theres overflowing thoughts.
unlike those bloggers, this channel of mine usually only covers thoughts that are everything else but happy ones. i mean when im happy, i have twitter and instagram or even facebook to actually pinned down those thoughts at fast speed within 160words right. i dont really need a livejournal for that (plus posting pictures here are slow and noone sees it, so the point wont be efficiently executed).
what i want to say is that I only turn to my livej whenever i have like strings of words that I want to express but idk how to in other platforms.
its been 3 months, and im at a new job and seriously i think the lifestyle of this job pretty much suits me, im not complaining but what my new manager was telling me about how we shld constantly improve oursleves and all, makes me think alot. like why am i at such a young age and actually enjoying such "comfort" jobs. im still young i should try to venture try those crazy jobs that you will never ever do it when you're older (not literally havoc kind but just more of those timeconsuming no life jobs) but i realise the issue here: i have no passion, dont have THAT fire that makes you want to do well and challenge yourself at work. I can handle stress of my work jobscopes but i cant handle stress of the work itself. you get what i mean. hahaha its like im ok with client crazy requests and datelines of certain events or reports but I cant handle the stress of work itself like having to find more clients / having to marketing of certain products.
i guess what i meant was maybe im really more of a DO-er instead of a LEAD-er. i can execute out well but I cant start and lead as well. then it comes the second point: I do want to start and lead but i just dont know where to start or should i say i dont dare. so you see i do have the passion to least crawl up to a leading position. ok im totally a oxymoron.
urgh idk. its like I want more money but i dont want to work harder for it. ok this is getting nowhere. so im very confused with what i want now. i mean i always say im still young i can afford it but if i continue to say that, sooner or later, this wont be applicable to me. im already 23yrs old and I can say maybe Im just 1-2 years ahead of others but how far can i take a buffer before others start catching up and I do not have such advantages anymore.
I do really want to find smtg that im super passionate about and then strive in it but its so hard, i still dont know what i like to do. ok kill me already, im just whining away. i know yada yada all words no actions. BUT HOW TO ACT ON IT. i dont even know how to. hmmm.
ok calm down. i think i need to reorganise all compartments in my mind now! and think carefully.
ok here is my plan: I will stick around here for around least one half - two years (get all my basics of marketing right) then think if this marketing platform is smtg i enjoyed working (cause deep in my heart i secretly know that I prefer commercial kind of marketing instead of this corporate building and construction industry).
so from there I think at 25yrs old i can afford to still do my final jump of job? idk i hate thinking abt working life and being an adult when all i want to do is go school work partime at a cupcake shop and take exams with spare time on wkdays to go movies with my boyfriend. ok i'll never grow up do i? hahahaah i guess another point is just that there is noone at my work place that is of my age which make the job kinda boring! im just afraid that moviation doesnt last.
ok now i think with a plan in mind, i need to execute it.
i can do it. kthanksbye.