Stay - Chapter Thirty
Author's Notes:
Ok....few things to mention. This took a LOT of writing to sort it out...not even sure I'm happy with it but hey ho!
First of all - because of my SHEER LACK of knowledge of the USA, thank you to the guys over at Facebook for helping me with location details. Please suspend disbelief for a little of it if it doesn't make sense to travel a certain way or if it'd take a longer amount of time- I'm clueless but it's FF... I'm bending the rules a bit ;)
Secondly- the medical stuff is as spot on as I could get. I always intended a relapse- a short one. I never wanted Luke to come back to the US all happy and chirpy. No fun that way. He's fighting right now for a lot of things and I wanted to see that fight reach a pinicle. I think drinking yourself into a coffe induced stupour, writing your entire heart in a proposal (it WILL be mentioned in the future) and ending up in hospital has GOT to do it ;) Anywhere, Reid's there to help him now. Reid's on more of a slow burn learning curve :P His story's WAY more fun that way.
Finally, the next chapter is fun schmooooopy stuff, I hope. After that there are a couple of chapters I've already written and they finally have a chance to do those normal things.... to give all of the drama the big two fingers and just be THEM without illness, families, trips....anything :) I'm figuring it should end no later than chapter 40. Got a few other things thrown in... and then I've already written the final chapter so :)
After THAT rant.....I really hope you enjoy and I'll have the next chapter up as in the next 2 days. THANK YOU MILLIONS FOR THE LOVELY AMAZING FABULOUS feedback and well wishes. You guys are all incredible <3
Please enjoy xxxxx
Reid was numb. The first thought he allowed himself, as he climbed into the cab, was of Bob. The gratitude and understanding. No questions asked, no words required and Reid was dismissed and with a reassuring smile too. Who the hell did that? Maybe he's a saint, Reid thought with a stoney face as the cab thundered through thick morning traffic.
Reid couldn't focus on one thing, his thoughts skipping and stuttering like an old broken record, landing haphazardly on something random, something obscure, something not completely wanted or necessary but that was ok. His stomach felt knotted, clenched in worry, his hands holding the hell out of the nook in the door.
"Business or pleasure?" the cab driver drawled in a lulling southern accent, knocking Reid of his trance.
Reid tensed. Not today. "I'm paying you to drive not to talk."
"Dude, my cab, my rules. You want the sidewalk?"
"You want to keep your job?"
The idiot shut up after that. Reid noticed his hands were now fists, balled so tight that they struggled to move. Rosie had repeated over and over that Luke was ok, he wasn't in any major danger but on the plane over he'd passed out and was brought round by the stewardesses who thought he was airsick. Rosie explained how she'd cooled him, forced him to sip water and monitored his heart rate for the remainder of the flight. She said he'd slept, badly through shortness of breath, but sleep nonetheless. As they landed, she spoke of how he'd made it to baggage claim sweating and heaving to breathe, before he collapsed again- this time it was serious. Reid knew how serious it could be.
Luke. Reid wanted to shout and accuse and hurt and hit. He didn't understand how to do this. He was the hero, the one on the other side waiting with scalpel or needle to write the body's wrongs. This time he was... What was he? Family? No. Friend. Ha. No. Boyfriend. Luke had said it, so...
Boyfriend. Reid felt sick. He didn't have a fucking clue. No idea how to stop thinking about the cold lifeless eyes of his former patients and seeing in them, swimming and bright, images of Luke taunting and mocking. Life is fragile, gentle and precious and Reid now, with the force of a thousand tonnes, felt it and felt it hard. He choked on his own thoughts and bit back a cry? A sob? A growl? A sigh? Acurse? All of the above.
"Stop here."
"You know I have a right to charge you double, dude. Nobody threatens me in my own cab."
"Yea well, you've clearly never met me then have you," Reid snapped, throwing the money into the dish beside the driver's head. He waited. "Oh and don't keep the change."
Bastard, he swore under his breath. Turning to face Northwestern Memorial Hospital, he took a sharp breath, the icy air piercing the back of his throat and causing his eyes to sting. Luke.
What do you do? Go to the desk like a moron? Plead to see the one you love? Not fucking likely.
"Excuse me! Where'd you think you're going?" a doctor had asked rudely to Reid's solid back as he pushed him to one side through the plastic lined blue doors.
"In here," was Reid's reply. Honest and full of 'I don't give a fuck'. It worked. Nobody questioned him again and the scrubs made for an excellent disguise. As he reached the right corridoor he whisked his head around, surveying every wall chart with patient's names. He saw it- Luke Snyder Room 6B.
As he grabbed the relevant chart from the stand, ignoring the wonky eyebrow raises from resident doctors and nurses, he walked and kept walking. He felt his chest empty, his shoulder slump against the wall and eyes close in relief. He wasn't in danger. He checked and checked again until the tiny black lines and numbers swam on the pages.
He had allowed himself one realisation of late. He had many and since his arrival in Oakhell, the list was growing, but this was one he had allowed and signed off, given the Reid Oliver permission and sign of approval.
He had the beginning of a relationship, he wanted a relationship and in some obscure part of him, he needed one. Luke had awoken a sleeping giant of affection and warmth that Reid was sure had never existed. Even as a kid, as a teenager, as a young adult, friends and short stint lovers didn't come close. He kept a necessary distance, one that reaped the benefits but one that didn't tear you up inside when it fell apart- which they always did. Family lead with a different set of rules, one which Reid had accepted would hurt and hurt hard. This was a singular exception- until now.
It was as if Reid had slept up until the day he set foot in Oakdale. He couldn't give Luke all of the credit as others had played a vital role in changing his life so importantly but he was so special, so integral to everything now that Reid had felt panic rise in his throat. Even knowing Luke was stable wasn't enough, he had to see it, prove it, establish it then see it through till he was well and only then would the worry about losing him disappear. Those sweeping images he held under lock and key were fighting for the surface now and had been for some time: walking in a park, meals for two, nights in with a movie, meeting up at lunch, breakfast in bed, lazy morning sex in the shower, someone's warm body after night shift, grocery shopping, going to the movies... simple but completely unattainable, especially to Reid Oliver. To Luke Snyder they were easy breezy and exciting possibilities, most of them covered with a big red tick but Reid wanted them all and badly.
He turned the peach walled corridoors time and time again until he reached B ward and his eyes flickered to room 6. He took a deep breath, reigned himself in and prepared to hit Doctor mode in an instant before slowly edging open the door.
It may have been a baseball bat to the stomach for all Reid knew. He could barely stand to look at Luke.
Pathetic injured bird or lame puppy, turned awkwardly in a creased bed with his belongings half out of the cupboard, spilling into the stifling room. Reid snapped.
"Who's in charge of the patient in 6B?" he yelled, halting the entire corridoor or doctors, nurses, patients and public.
"Excuse me but, who are you?" asked a young tanned and attractive male doctor who ordinarily Reid would have fancied a piece of but now he simply wanted to rip his pretty face off. Anyway, Luke was prettier.
"Dr Reid Oliver. Registered Neurosurgeon. Memorial Hospital, Oakdale, Illionois," Reid replied matter of factly and with a little more information than he considered people should need to know.
"Ok, let me just get my chief of staff, we've had forty casualties in the past half hour so we're a little behind schedule and frantic, I wasn't even aware we had a transfer or -"
"Junior, tell you what. You hold back on that and do me another favour. Get one of your nurses to pull her finger out of wherever it's hiding and put it to good use. The patient in 6B needs care. He's in a hospital. Usually the two come hand in hand... Here at Northwestern? Clearly it's a lesson to be learned and guess what? I'm the man to do it."
The young doctor, Reid established from his garish name plate, was one Doctor Roberts. Do they pluck them from the womb nowadays, he wondered bitterly, I've got socks older than him. He blinked twice before something seemed to register. When it did, he called a young blonde nurse with a bun over, took the chart and clear plastic bag of sample tubes from her hand placing them in the station behind him and instructed her to do just as Reid asked. She smiled, nodded and did exactly that. Reid nodded his gratitude and scowled the rest. Morons.
As they entered Luke's room, Reid could barely bear the lack of light. The air hung under the ceiling and rays were swallowed up by the dull walls.
"Nurse? The window, if you wouldn't mind," Reid stated, more of a command than a question but he prided himself on the inclusion of some nicety.
Luke was still, his hair twisty as usual and face flushed pink as the sheet cut him off at the neck. The starch was overboard, sending Reid's patience spiralling once more. Only the best was enough...
"Nurse. Sheets."
She obeyed. As she reached to grab the material, Luke's eyelashed fluttered and a small muffled noise escaped his mouth. Reid was by his side in a second.
"Luke... Luke... Hey listen. Don't try and fight the medication. Just sleep ok? You're alright." Thinking back to the last time they were patient and doctor, Reid sighed and fought a smile, much to his shock... 'affectionate' came easier now. He could barely hold back. He missed Luke so fully that he barely knew how to compute something so ridiculous. He let it fill him, wash over him and rid him of Doctor Oliver, just for a moment- the nurse could earn her wages for now.
Luke fought against his drowsiness. "So stubborn," Reid whispered as the blonde nurse continued to work on pulling the sheets down and tucking in new ones, "don't be so stubborn. I'll kick your ass when you're out of here, so stubborn's going to get you nowhere." His fingers found Luke's cheek and palm found his jaw. It felt whole and proper as Reid shut his eyes, willing Luke to understand and simply rest.
"A Mmms ouu."
"Luke, seriously, no talking. Sleep. Listen to me this time."
Luke's breathing heaved and his arm reached out sharply. Reid moved, fluid like, and calmly stroked lines up and down Luke's back. The rhythmic pace lulled him immediately, his shoulders noticeably dipping and hips turning into the mattress. Now covered in new sheets, the nurse focusing on bringing in necessary bedside belongings and tying the curtains to one side, Luke seemed to rest. Reid busied himself with tucking in the thick blue blanket, remembering med school folding rules, and smoothing down the edges of Luke's room so that nothing went untouched.
Three hours later
"You? What's your name?" Reid called out in the corridoor, alerting the blonde nurse with the bun.
She stepped back, seemingly alarmed, but smiled a little and answered, "Nurse Wilson, Mary Wilson."
Reid had to commend her. She'd worked, put up with his shit and done it all without screwing up- it had to count for something. He smiled and replied. "Thank you for your work here today. My hospital could benefit from a few extra nurses like you."
She blushed and smiled coyly before composing herself and nodding politely. "Thank you Doctor Oliver. I did as you asked and alerted my Chief of Staff as to your visit. He's still dealing with the emergency at present but he seemed to recognise your name and was more than accepting of your being here."
Too right he should be. "Well that's good to hear," Reid responded, uncharacteristically thinking before speaking, "I'll be staying until Mr Snyder is well enough to be discharged and he shall be discharged into my care. He is my patient. Please alert the relevant people and tick the relevant forms."
She took details and shook his hand sharply, turning to leave. He watched her blonde bun disappear in the hustle and bustle of the busy corridoor and felt thankful Oakdale Memorial was a community hospital and wasn't swamped in hell like this one. A busy OR was appealing for the soul and something he'd gain from an expert department but the inner city masses was something he felt happy to have left behind in Dallas.
He found his way back to Luke in seconds, checking his vitals and temperature. Reid felt himself calm and the world grow that little bit smaller. He pulled the metal chair to his bedside and sighed. He was doing ok. All in all, it was a relapse but a short one grown out of a body verging on the brink of chronic anaemia. 'Too much too soon' was the phrase Reid allocated.
He was pale, his skin a little shiney, but he looked strong even when lying curled on his side. Reid reached down to the cupboard by the bed and checked for Luke's cell and wallet. Lily Walsh was away with some other shady Oakhell business man who Reid was sure could be the next sad sap to add a surname to her already ridiculous list. Holden had whisked the skinny weepy woman away to check out wedding venues. Even Lucinda Walsh had comandeered the private jet and had disappeared from society so Reid, while scrolling down Luke's phonebook, didn't quite know who to call. He text and left voicemails for Holden and Lily, urging them not to worry and putting himself in a position likely to expose himself to endless questions. He explained that Luke was looked after and would be staying with Reid as he recovered. Yes he would, Reid knew he'd decided it as soon as he'd taken a look at Luke's greyish cheeks and clocked his chart. There was now a mental tick next to 'family'. Reid was determined to think of it all. He hadn't done this before, played this domestic role but he was shocked at how easy it came to him. He wasn't just playing Doctor now.
Luke stirred and muffled incoherently. Reid's hand was on Luke's arm in seconds, anything to show he wasn't alone.
"Where 'm I?"
Reid craned his neck to catch Luke's eyes. They widened instantly and dampened.
"Chicago."
Luke shuffled onto his side without any noticeable pain and tried to sit up.
"You're here?"
Reid smiled, his hand still on Luke's arm. "I'm here. You're ok."
Luke frowned and looked down at the pillow, shading his eyes. "I took care of myself. If you'r-"
"Don't you dare apoligise, it was your body not you."
Luke pulled himself up, eyes never leaving Reid's and reached forward slowly. Reid didn't move, he couldn't bring himself to put anything between himself and Luke, not today. Luke stopped, a small space short of Reid's face. "Am I sick again? I need Doctor Oliver for a moment."
"No. You're not sick again," Reid explained, "your body obviously hasn't fully recovered. Things like this can sometimes happen, it's not uncommon but your levels of erythropoietin reduced ... that means you didn't have enough red blood cells because your kidney struggled and so you became anaemic. It would explain tiredness, shortness of breath and the fact you couldn't stay vertical for more than an hour or so. The doctors here have your levels under control and we'll monitor you futher at OUR Memorial. You're ok. Nothing serious. You didn't do anything but you did show signs of fatigue and slight malnutrition which in my book gets you an ass kicking from me... but," he smiled a little now, his eyes lighting up as they looked into Luke's, "you're going to be just fine if you do. as. i. say."
Luke kissed him. It was instant and messy, his lips touching to the right of Reid's but it was good, so good. Reid's fingers caressed down Luke's neck, jaw, shoulder, arm and ending with his hand where fingers intwined.
"Rosie said to give you a hug and since, well, hugs aren't exactly me ... I'm passing on the sentiment."
Luke chuckled, looking down at their hands, pulling them tighter. "I haven't seen you for two weeks and I'm on a short stint in hospital... still no hugs?" he asked, attempting to flutter his eyelashes.
"Stop that," Reid warned with a smirk, "if you're a good boy and do as I say and we can get out of here tonight then maybe a hug might be acceptable."
"Oh shucks," Luke said with a shrug which Reid considered to be the most adorable thing he'd ever seen.
"Your family know you're ok so don't worry about them. I have a car, courtesy of that wonderful woman you call your Grandmother, ready to collect us when your discharged and you're staying with me."
Luke brightened instantly, shoulders lifting and a smile tugging at his cheeks. "Really?" His eyebrows wiggled suggestively.
"For someone who should still be slightly sedate and amaemic, you move like lightening."
Luke laughed under his breath, gazing down with a hint of nerves. "Would Katie not mind?"
"Luke, you're both related and you clear up after yourself. She'll no doubt want to kick my ass out and keep you instead."
"Ok then," Luke started, sitting up further, "I'd love to."
"Oh that wasn't me asking, it was me telling but it's great that you want to aswell," Reid teased, pushing the chair backwards and regretably breaking their connection.
"Thank you," Luke whispered as he slid his legs out of the bed and let his bare feet hit the floor, "I mean, I've caused you so much trouble, so many problems and it's never just been simple with us since we met. I just want things to go smoothly now and for my life to..."
Luke stopped himself, his brow knitting in a firm frown and lips pursing tightly.
Reid, even after a long and stressful day, could see the subtle signs flickering across Luke's face. "What is it?" He pulled on the edge of the bed, dragging the chair forward to cage Luke in. He slotted his knees either side of Luke's, their hands found eachother instantly.
Luke didn't answer for a few seconds, his brain sought the right way to term his words. "I want to put things right. My life isn't the way I'd like it to be," he explained. Luke felt the tug in Reid's hands, the stiffness return in his shoulders. "No not you, not us, nothing like that. Well, I guess it does have a little bit to do with us but... ok look. I don't feel like I'm me anymore. When I was sixteen, I knew who I was and what I loved and what I wanted. The one area of mess was my sexuality. I came out, I dealt with all of that and all of the crap that came with it. I was ok for a while, lonely but ok. Noah came into my life and I found a balance for a short time, a version of me that I liked because I wasn't lonely, I was happy, still at college and my dreams were intact. After the election and my own stupidity, I felt like that was the start of the downhill ride to where I am now. It was like my finger never really left the self destruct button. I don't feel like Luke anymore and I'm living other people's lives. My moms, Damian's, my dad's, my grandmother's and I lived through Noah too, throwing everything into him and his life. I just want me. I want myself back and in England, for even a few days, I felt myself again and I was writing. I wanted to try so hard to prove I could still be that guy and want those things. I did it and I want that back again. You helped me find that." Luke sucked in a breath and just stared forward, eyes seeking understanding.
Reid couldn't speak. He didn't do monologues, didn't ramble about feelings and philisophical ideas. He's so young and immature but so wise and beyond his years, Reid thought with admiration and wished he could share the same and offer something in return that was worthy. He could only think of one thing.
"If you need time, space or I don't know what people usually say but if you want to just be you for a while... that's ok. That's important."
Luke reached out, his hand unsure about where to settle as it found a resting place on Reid's chest. His eyes followed and then found Reid's, shining and blue. "I don't want that. I want you."
Those words. Shivers reached the ends of Reid's spine as his lips found Luke's. No explaination needed- as if there ever was. Luke was ok, he was safe now, he was happier and he wasn't going anywhere. They were in this together.