too late for everything
once again ive been away for like two weeks and havent had the chance too write anything, write now i just have the strongest feelings about whats happening around me. i came back from upstate 2 days ago................
.changing the subject i hate everyone right now my grandma is fucken bitch, she just called and said the woorst thing to me, now im cryiing my eyes out and mike living in his 2 dementional world not carring about abyone as he explained to me is sitting next to me and is listening to his damn tchno.i dont think ill be able to write veything i can and explain all my feelings and what i write might seem ackward to somebody that reads it but im feeling pretty damn wierd, confused, and lonely right noe also.
i just dont get how and why guys r the way they r and not different, each and everyone of them even the one that said that he will never hurt me, yeah right even him. i just never expected it from him. i dont blame him i really dont, cuz he had no obligation towards me just liek i didnt have any towards him, physical obligation i didnt but i did have inner obligation which im living on right now. its really hard to explain i just cant see howit can be so fake...... all that he felt for me was fake then, the kid was just confused im guessing, and i said that i was the one that was confused and too immature for some strabge reason im felling more mature then him. i come back from upstate, there where i liked somebody a lot and had a chance with him to loose it but i didnt take that chance because was waiting for someone special i stilll dont now who that some one special cold be but when i came back i was really looking foward to seeing someone thats coming back on the 17 or 18th or whatever that day is. i knew that know i would be able to deal with his prooblems because for some strange reason i just have a different point about my surroundings now after that upstate place,yeah by the way saugretes was the tow, and there i met huys that ive never met here before and one of them just seemed so amzing to me. Pete, and his friend Evan.
hes gonna be 18(Pete). The town is very screwed up because of the teenagers that live there but its so beautiful. good people can come ut of it such as pete, im really proud of him, hes amazing probably one of thee smartest guys ive ever met. he has a girlfriend that hes been with for a 1 and 3 months now and im surprised that hes still with her. according to him shes obsessed with him so thats why he hasnt left her yet. but the last night in saugretes when pete and me stayed up the whole night starring up at the sky in the field by the forest he told me soooo much . hes so incredibly smart even id drinking and taking acid everyday is just another thing to add to his schedule. i trieds to explain to him that people like him dont need the drugs but he just told me that this was a way of staying alive in saugretes. when he goes to the marines as he explained to me hell stop and i believ him completely.i told him that he needs to get Evan on a straight road. Evan has been on my mind for a year now hes a scewed up teenager he can be beter but he just doesnt have the desire to. that why i think jail would be a good thing for him now.
hes in court now for breaking probatioon stealing a car then crashing that same car with his buddies into a high school building and then grafitteing all over the high school building. hes going for 4 to 12 years thats why i havent had a chance to say bye to him before i left. but i did say bye to pete, im gonna miss all the kids from up there.it was really funny how when i got drunk with mike pete evean and my friend Lena i was acting. i was screewed up. my alchoholtolerance is very low thats why i cant drink much. 3 cans of budweiser was enough to pull Evans piercing out. then he tripped me and i fell on the ground really hard. then it hit me how much my life sucks. pete and lena were tryign to make me feel better for like an hour didnt really work. evam felt really horrible for getting me to be liem that but screw himpart of the reasin who i was soooo depressed was because i was coming back to the bronx in a week . pete told me i could movein with him thoguh but i dont know what part of him saying that wa sober still it made me feel beter. well enough of painful memories and back to my "wonderful" pressent. mike is worrying about his computer sound right now. hes a very complecated person. upstae i actually had a chance to get inside his brain, he doesnt believe me but i know now how he thinks. i was afraid i wouldnt be a bale to get out of his uncarrring mind bt i did. i know that for a fact, im feeling, so very cold right now , getting worse day by day and only i now it, lets just hope something changes and makes me bekiev differenly. i had hopes about some one but now ven those hope r gone because of what happened....... its ok though....... i dont blame you, i dont, only myslef for letting me get that way, and feel what i felt for you.
.changing the subject i hate everyone right now my grandma is fucken bitch, she just called and said the woorst thing to me, now im cryiing my eyes out and mike living in his 2 dementional world not carring about abyone as he explained to me is sitting next to me and is listening to his damn tchno.i dont think ill be able to write veything i can and explain all my feelings and what i write might seem ackward to somebody that reads it but im feeling pretty damn wierd, confused, and lonely right noe also.
i just dont get how and why guys r the way they r and not different, each and everyone of them even the one that said that he will never hurt me, yeah right even him. i just never expected it from him. i dont blame him i really dont, cuz he had no obligation towards me just liek i didnt have any towards him, physical obligation i didnt but i did have inner obligation which im living on right now. its really hard to explain i just cant see howit can be so fake...... all that he felt for me was fake then, the kid was just confused im guessing, and i said that i was the one that was confused and too immature for some strabge reason im felling more mature then him. i come back from upstate, there where i liked somebody a lot and had a chance with him to loose it but i didnt take that chance because was waiting for someone special i stilll dont now who that some one special cold be but when i came back i was really looking foward to seeing someone thats coming back on the 17 or 18th or whatever that day is. i knew that know i would be able to deal with his prooblems because for some strange reason i just have a different point about my surroundings now after that upstate place,yeah by the way saugretes was the tow, and there i met huys that ive never met here before and one of them just seemed so amzing to me. Pete, and his friend Evan.
hes gonna be 18(Pete). The town is very screwed up because of the teenagers that live there but its so beautiful. good people can come ut of it such as pete, im really proud of him, hes amazing probably one of thee smartest guys ive ever met. he has a girlfriend that hes been with for a 1 and 3 months now and im surprised that hes still with her. according to him shes obsessed with him so thats why he hasnt left her yet. but the last night in saugretes when pete and me stayed up the whole night starring up at the sky in the field by the forest he told me soooo much . hes so incredibly smart even id drinking and taking acid everyday is just another thing to add to his schedule. i trieds to explain to him that people like him dont need the drugs but he just told me that this was a way of staying alive in saugretes. when he goes to the marines as he explained to me hell stop and i believ him completely.i told him that he needs to get Evan on a straight road. Evan has been on my mind for a year now hes a scewed up teenager he can be beter but he just doesnt have the desire to. that why i think jail would be a good thing for him now.
hes in court now for breaking probatioon stealing a car then crashing that same car with his buddies into a high school building and then grafitteing all over the high school building. hes going for 4 to 12 years thats why i havent had a chance to say bye to him before i left. but i did say bye to pete, im gonna miss all the kids from up there.it was really funny how when i got drunk with mike pete evean and my friend Lena i was acting. i was screewed up. my alchoholtolerance is very low thats why i cant drink much. 3 cans of budweiser was enough to pull Evans piercing out. then he tripped me and i fell on the ground really hard. then it hit me how much my life sucks. pete and lena were tryign to make me feel better for like an hour didnt really work. evam felt really horrible for getting me to be liem that but screw himpart of the reasin who i was soooo depressed was because i was coming back to the bronx in a week . pete told me i could movein with him thoguh but i dont know what part of him saying that wa sober still it made me feel beter. well enough of painful memories and back to my "wonderful" pressent. mike is worrying about his computer sound right now. hes a very complecated person. upstae i actually had a chance to get inside his brain, he doesnt believe me but i know now how he thinks. i was afraid i wouldnt be a bale to get out of his uncarrring mind bt i did. i know that for a fact, im feeling, so very cold right now , getting worse day by day and only i now it, lets just hope something changes and makes me bekiev differenly. i had hopes about some one but now ven those hope r gone because of what happened....... its ok though....... i dont blame you, i dont, only myslef for letting me get that way, and feel what i felt for you.