(no subject)
aaahhh people are real assholes. why do we talk to each other. why do we develop friendships. why do we need things? do we need things or do we just want things. i wish i could make up my mind about what my whole life is about. i've been going through a really confusing time putting up with shit and just blocking it out to not get hurt. there would probably be so many fucking things bothering me if i didnt ignore them. its kinda funny how things are sometimes. i just want to move away and leave all and everything behind, but i cant, i have a year left over, and then im taking off a year. im probably going to feel very hopeless that year. taking a year off before going to college is kinda risky cuz some get there life really disorganized and uncontrollable afterwards. i have a feeling i shouldnt do this but i will anyways. i want a boyfriend but i am probably gonna act really strangely and ackwardly for the first while. i dont think anyone who i would be interested in will like me, thats the shit many people think im too strange for them, just someone different so they probably feel intimidated by me. there are a few guys in camp who i have a thing for but i just cant let them know how i feel. i guess i just think they wont like me, damn i got to get over those doubts. oh well i cant have what i want once again im not actually realizing the horror of it all.