Unlovable
so here it is.. i have decided that i am, if fact, unlovable. what else could it be? i fuck things up so badly with people, on purpose, that i make myself unlovable. and the more i think about it, the more angry i get. why can't i have someone who will just help me see that it's okay to trust people again? am i just not worthy? going to london changed my life.. it was a huge slap of reality. friends i thought would be there forever, faded away. friends that i thought were going away came back, and are now, better than ever. it makes me want to go back to when the most difficult thing you ever had to deal with was wondering who would take you and pick you up from the cinema. but life is just not that simple anymore... we've all grown.. changed. i've changed. i guess the next big objective in this stage of life is learning how to deal. deal with all the negatives, and yet finding time to be thankful for the positives. not just the present, but most importantly, the past. just because i don't talk to many people from my past does not mean that they are not still with me. as much as the past sometimes hurts, i would not change it for the world. it has made me me. and i like me. and who knows, maybe someday i will find someone who like me as well. but until that day... bring on the rain.