Spork-A-Thon: New and Improved! Hopefully.
*Opens to reveal the The Room and the Sporkers on the couch, getting ready for the sporking*
I’m pretty sure you call it ‘SPAREmints’, as in SPARE me a dollar. Not SPEARmints.
Spare this! *Kicks between the legs*
OH GOD. I’M IN AGONY. THIS IS WHY I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TALKS WITH YOU ANYMORE.
Oh grow up. It’ll last for a week.
Aaaaahhhh!
…
Anyways, welcome everyone to Spork-A-Thon revised! This is where we spork things begging to be sporked! We took a little hiatus to fix something but then…err…
The one in teal is CartwheelAuthorTricks, my cousin. The one in red is ChesterRac, a friend. I’m DropDeadPoet who is-
Sane Man.
You can say it that way. I guess we should explain what-
Someone saw a mistake in our sporking, we tried to fix it and horrible incidents that are illegal to repeat in public. All we can say is that R.O.S.S is gone, thank god, we fled to Mexico from the Russian Mafia and Oprah has a fat ass that can talk.
Now we’re stuck trying to do this again after we finally got amnesty and had no idea what to do after what we were through when we got this link from someone asking us to spork it.
You make everything sound so dead.
I’m going to spork some woman-hating, basement-dwelling Nice Guy who is only writing to get money. Of course I’m going to act dead with shit like this.
Does no one notice the girl in pain?!
Take some pills and you’ll be fine. Can we get this over with? Please? I want to crawl back under my rock and blast some metal to kill my feelings.
-----------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Dreaming Of Being A Princess
Isn’t the writer a guy?
He is but he apparently believes writing this typical Mary Sue carbon copy will make him more money. His words, not mine.
The ‘A’ should be a…‘a’.
It's night fall, and the sky is littered with small specks of white light,
Those ‘small specks of white light’ is called ‘stars’.
as a girl who looks to be fifteen years old with blonde hair, and a short white dress that is the length about her knees, as she also wears white slippers, gloves, and a golden tiara is floating in the sky with her eyes closed
A tiara has her eyes floating by it…I won’t ask. I’m too terrified right now.
as it appears that she is sleeping.
It could be cut down to a simple ‘as a sleeping, blonde-haired girl floated in the sky’. Or something like that. Please.
Also, get rid of the details about the dress, slipper and gloves. Will the clothes be important later on in the story? No? Then don't bother talking about it unless you need to. Fewer words are more in my opinion.
We’re only into the first sentence and I want to cry. And it’s not from the pain from between my legs.
The girl then slowly opens her eyes which are green,
‘Open her green eyes’ is better than that. Or, you know, the simple ‘open her eyes’.
as she examines her surroundings noticing that there is nothing around her but the small white specks of light.
I’m pretty sure you call them ‘stars’.
How'd I get out here? The girl thinks, as she rises to her feet. And how is it that I'm standing on nothing? She wonders, as she glances at her feet, noticing that nothing's there, but the sky beneath her.
Dreams could be the reason you know. After all, that’s the bloody chapter title.
She is the calmest person I’ve seen when it comes to waking up in the sky, dream or not.
Drugs can deaden the senses and instinct to survive. Trust me, I know.
The girl then starts walking five paces, before taking that sixth step, and then plummeting from the sky.
I would say take a shot every time this person wrote unneeded details but then I realize that we’ll die from alcohol poisoning if so.
What happened to ‘she started to walk when she suddenly plummeted’ or shit like that? What happened?
The girl then lets forth a wail,
‘Wails’ is fine on its own.
What’s with the writer and putting commas everywhere?
as she falls down what appears to be a bottomless pit, before she is snatched up by an entity bathed in a white light.
Well he managed to keep suspense for a second. More than I thought.
How long did you think he’ll do instead?
None.
The girl then looks up as the light dims down, and reveals a man in white knight looking armor, a straight sword strapped over his back, pointy tipped ears, and long brown hair, as he rode a white horse, while he carries the girl in his arms.
This is one sentence, again, when you could have just said ‘an armoured elf riding a white horse’ or something like that. There is no need to describe this much.
"Thank you for rescuing me sir." The girl says shyly, as she blushes, and lowers her head.
If this is romance, I’m going to punch C.A.T between the legs again.
Oh God.
"My pleasure Miss. The night can be pretty dangerous at times." The man replies, as he continues to look ahead, while the horse gallops along the sky.
Along the sky? Don’t you mean ‘gallops across the sky’?
Shhh! More fun if he keeps this up and actually thinks this is worth sending to agents.
"Dangerous? What do you mean?" The girl ask,
‘Asks’.
as she looks up at the man. Suddenly the young girl finds herself, and her rescuer to be surrounded by five formless shadowy looking entities.
Finally, action! Let’s see what this guy can-
The entities then form human looking heads with horns protruding from the forehead, bone thin arms, and cloak like torsos. The figures also have red glaring eyes, and sharp jagged teeth, as they dart towards the girl and her rescuer.
The warrior then draws his sword and swings it, as the creatures swirl around him. After slaying three of the fives shadowy creatures with a few swipes of his sword, the fourth comes from behind, and swipes the young girl out of his arms.
Is this what you were hoping for, Chester?
Not. At. All.
The warrior and girl reach out to each other,
MIAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
TAMAHOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
as she once again plummets from the sky.
Isn’t she already in the sky?
The girl then keeps falling until she blacks out from colliding against the ground.
…what?
‘She keeps falling until she passes out when she hits on the ground’.
Thank you.
"Princess, Princess Celina wake up." A masculine voice commands, as the girl slowly opens her eyes. "What? Princess?" Celina ask, as she rises and found herself looking a five foot tall, brown haired man in a gray robe. "Yes Celina, you are the princess of the GreenEmeraldKingdom."
This is how it is actually formatted by the writer himself, no joke.
Wouldn’t the guy be kind of worried if the Princess is questioning her own identity?
Not unless the plot says so. And, oh, we have to think the guy for telling her, and thus the audience, who she is and where she is
The man replies, as he helps Celina to her feet. The man then escorts Celina to the GreenEmeraldKingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
Green Emerald Kingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
Green Emerald Kingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
Green Emerald Kingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
What is this I don’t even-
No.
Humph! My 5-year-old’s writing isn’t this stupid. And she writes Neopets fanfiction. Neopets. Fanfiction. Let that sink in for a moment.
"Wow this is beautiful." Celina sighs, as an expression of awe comes across her face.
"And I rule this as a princess?" Celina ask, as she looks around, while the robed man escorts her through its streets. "Yes, but you also reside here with your mother, the Queen."
Mr. Exposition everyone!
The man states, as he leads Celina to a giant EmeraldGreenCastle.
In the Emerald Green Kingdom with Emerald Green buildings there is an Emerald Green castle? No way! I thought it would be the colour Ruby Red!
"My mother's a Queen?" Celina ask, as she looks at the robed man with a bewildered look on her face, while they enter the castle. "But of course, what would you be if your mother wasn't queen?"
Crazy person I guess.
What’s with the random capitalization of ‘Queen’?
The robed man replies, as he glances at Celina.
"Good point." Celina sighs, as she lowers her head with a slight smile on her face.
Now you break the paragraphs down?
Celina and the robed man demount
Dismount. Get your words right.
This is like watching a limbo game. How low can you go?
This is pretty low as far as I can tell.
the horse, and walk through a long hall towards a throne where a slender, middle-aged woman who resembles Celina sits dressed in a purple gown, and wears a golden crown. "Mother what are you doing here?" Celina ask with a look of Bewilderment .
Bewilderment should not be capitalized at that point. At all. Where were you when you were studying Basic English?
His basement.
"I'm here to wake you up. It's time for school." Celina's mother replies with a gentle smile on her face. "What do you mean mother?" Celina ask, as she tilts her head slightly.
Is she retarded now or something? It could explain her actions this whole time.
Whoa, this entire chapter was dream within a dream?
Maybe we’ll find out in the next chapter-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
-----------------------------------------------
Maybe I should have told my friends that this is most likely a stand alone. Seeing that the other breakdowns from other people were enough to make him run away. Eh, more fun to see them see these words and go 'FFFUUUUUU'.
Well, here is Spork-A-Thon! New, Improved and Hopefully More Coherent. This will be a regular thing from now on. Whenever there is a bad work, they'll be here!
And, yes, they were serious about what happened when we, and I mean they, were trying to fix the sporking of Midnight Sun. They are officially barred from sporking it. I don't know why. I don't want to ask.
I’m pretty sure you call it ‘SPAREmints’, as in SPARE me a dollar. Not SPEARmints.
Spare this! *Kicks between the legs*
OH GOD. I’M IN AGONY. THIS IS WHY I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TALKS WITH YOU ANYMORE.
Oh grow up. It’ll last for a week.
Aaaaahhhh!
…
Anyways, welcome everyone to Spork-A-Thon revised! This is where we spork things begging to be sporked! We took a little hiatus to fix something but then…err…
The one in teal is CartwheelAuthorTricks, my cousin. The one in red is ChesterRac, a friend. I’m DropDeadPoet who is-
Sane Man.
You can say it that way. I guess we should explain what-
Someone saw a mistake in our sporking, we tried to fix it and horrible incidents that are illegal to repeat in public. All we can say is that R.O.S.S is gone, thank god, we fled to Mexico from the Russian Mafia and Oprah has a fat ass that can talk.
Now we’re stuck trying to do this again after we finally got amnesty and had no idea what to do after what we were through when we got this link from someone asking us to spork it.
You make everything sound so dead.
I’m going to spork some woman-hating, basement-dwelling Nice Guy who is only writing to get money. Of course I’m going to act dead with shit like this.
Does no one notice the girl in pain?!
Take some pills and you’ll be fine. Can we get this over with? Please? I want to crawl back under my rock and blast some metal to kill my feelings.
-----------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Dreaming Of Being A Princess
Isn’t the writer a guy?
He is but he apparently believes writing this typical Mary Sue carbon copy will make him more money. His words, not mine.
The ‘A’ should be a…‘a’.
It's night fall, and the sky is littered with small specks of white light,
Those ‘small specks of white light’ is called ‘stars’.
as a girl who looks to be fifteen years old with blonde hair, and a short white dress that is the length about her knees, as she also wears white slippers, gloves, and a golden tiara is floating in the sky with her eyes closed
A tiara has her eyes floating by it…I won’t ask. I’m too terrified right now.
as it appears that she is sleeping.
It could be cut down to a simple ‘as a sleeping, blonde-haired girl floated in the sky’. Or something like that. Please.
Also, get rid of the details about the dress, slipper and gloves. Will the clothes be important later on in the story? No? Then don't bother talking about it unless you need to. Fewer words are more in my opinion.
We’re only into the first sentence and I want to cry. And it’s not from the pain from between my legs.
The girl then slowly opens her eyes which are green,
‘Open her green eyes’ is better than that. Or, you know, the simple ‘open her eyes’.
as she examines her surroundings noticing that there is nothing around her but the small white specks of light.
I’m pretty sure you call them ‘stars’.
How'd I get out here? The girl thinks, as she rises to her feet. And how is it that I'm standing on nothing? She wonders, as she glances at her feet, noticing that nothing's there, but the sky beneath her.
Dreams could be the reason you know. After all, that’s the bloody chapter title.
She is the calmest person I’ve seen when it comes to waking up in the sky, dream or not.
Drugs can deaden the senses and instinct to survive. Trust me, I know.
The girl then starts walking five paces, before taking that sixth step, and then plummeting from the sky.
I would say take a shot every time this person wrote unneeded details but then I realize that we’ll die from alcohol poisoning if so.
What happened to ‘she started to walk when she suddenly plummeted’ or shit like that? What happened?
The girl then lets forth a wail,
‘Wails’ is fine on its own.
What’s with the writer and putting commas everywhere?
as she falls down what appears to be a bottomless pit, before she is snatched up by an entity bathed in a white light.
Well he managed to keep suspense for a second. More than I thought.
How long did you think he’ll do instead?
None.
The girl then looks up as the light dims down, and reveals a man in white knight looking armor, a straight sword strapped over his back, pointy tipped ears, and long brown hair, as he rode a white horse, while he carries the girl in his arms.
This is one sentence, again, when you could have just said ‘an armoured elf riding a white horse’ or something like that. There is no need to describe this much.
"Thank you for rescuing me sir." The girl says shyly, as she blushes, and lowers her head.
If this is romance, I’m going to punch C.A.T between the legs again.
Oh God.
"My pleasure Miss. The night can be pretty dangerous at times." The man replies, as he continues to look ahead, while the horse gallops along the sky.
Along the sky? Don’t you mean ‘gallops across the sky’?
Shhh! More fun if he keeps this up and actually thinks this is worth sending to agents.
"Dangerous? What do you mean?" The girl ask,
‘Asks’.
as she looks up at the man. Suddenly the young girl finds herself, and her rescuer to be surrounded by five formless shadowy looking entities.
Finally, action! Let’s see what this guy can-
The entities then form human looking heads with horns protruding from the forehead, bone thin arms, and cloak like torsos. The figures also have red glaring eyes, and sharp jagged teeth, as they dart towards the girl and her rescuer.
The warrior then draws his sword and swings it, as the creatures swirl around him. After slaying three of the fives shadowy creatures with a few swipes of his sword, the fourth comes from behind, and swipes the young girl out of his arms.
Is this what you were hoping for, Chester?
Not. At. All.
The warrior and girl reach out to each other,
MIAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
TAMAHOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
as she once again plummets from the sky.
Isn’t she already in the sky?
The girl then keeps falling until she blacks out from colliding against the ground.
…what?
‘She keeps falling until she passes out when she hits on the ground’.
Thank you.
"Princess, Princess Celina wake up." A masculine voice commands, as the girl slowly opens her eyes. "What? Princess?" Celina ask, as she rises and found herself looking a five foot tall, brown haired man in a gray robe. "Yes Celina, you are the princess of the GreenEmeraldKingdom."
This is how it is actually formatted by the writer himself, no joke.
Wouldn’t the guy be kind of worried if the Princess is questioning her own identity?
Not unless the plot says so. And, oh, we have to think the guy for telling her, and thus the audience, who she is and where she is
The man replies, as he helps Celina to her feet. The man then escorts Celina to the GreenEmeraldKingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
Green Emerald Kingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
Green Emerald Kingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
Green Emerald Kingdom, where she sees a city filled with Emerald Green buildings.
What is this I don’t even-
No.
Humph! My 5-year-old’s writing isn’t this stupid. And she writes Neopets fanfiction. Neopets. Fanfiction. Let that sink in for a moment.
"Wow this is beautiful." Celina sighs, as an expression of awe comes across her face.
"And I rule this as a princess?" Celina ask, as she looks around, while the robed man escorts her through its streets. "Yes, but you also reside here with your mother, the Queen."
Mr. Exposition everyone!
The man states, as he leads Celina to a giant EmeraldGreenCastle.
In the Emerald Green Kingdom with Emerald Green buildings there is an Emerald Green castle? No way! I thought it would be the colour Ruby Red!
"My mother's a Queen?" Celina ask, as she looks at the robed man with a bewildered look on her face, while they enter the castle. "But of course, what would you be if your mother wasn't queen?"
Crazy person I guess.
What’s with the random capitalization of ‘Queen’?
The robed man replies, as he glances at Celina.
"Good point." Celina sighs, as she lowers her head with a slight smile on her face.
Now you break the paragraphs down?
Celina and the robed man demount
Dismount. Get your words right.
This is like watching a limbo game. How low can you go?
This is pretty low as far as I can tell.
the horse, and walk through a long hall towards a throne where a slender, middle-aged woman who resembles Celina sits dressed in a purple gown, and wears a golden crown. "Mother what are you doing here?" Celina ask with a look of Bewilderment .
Bewilderment should not be capitalized at that point. At all. Where were you when you were studying Basic English?
His basement.
"I'm here to wake you up. It's time for school." Celina's mother replies with a gentle smile on her face. "What do you mean mother?" Celina ask, as she tilts her head slightly.
Is she retarded now or something? It could explain her actions this whole time.
Whoa, this entire chapter was dream within a dream?
Maybe we’ll find out in the next chapter-
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
-----------------------------------------------
Maybe I should have told my friends that this is most likely a stand alone. Seeing that the other breakdowns from other people were enough to make him run away. Eh, more fun to see them see these words and go 'FFFUUUUUU'.
Well, here is Spork-A-Thon! New, Improved and Hopefully More Coherent. This will be a regular thing from now on. Whenever there is a bad work, they'll be here!
And, yes, they were serious about what happened when we, and I mean they, were trying to fix the sporking of Midnight Sun. They are officially barred from sporking it. I don't know why. I don't want to ask.