(Mis)Adventures in Twilightsucks.com Forum: Fans React, A 300 Joke
Caution Rating: *** out of ***** Caution Stars. Mostly due to my cursing and some pictures I'm going to post.
Seriously Snicker ads, go fucking die. -___o*
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My second chronicles in the forums has lead my back to the inevitable 'An author with a bigger ego than S. Meyer...' thread. This is where we talk about the Maradonia Crapfest Saga. Made by Gloria Tesch, who likes to inaccurately remind you that she's the world's youngest author EVAR, the book is about two kids named Maya (an Author Avatar for Gloria obviously) and Joey and their adventures in the land called Maradonia.
The series is, how do you put it politely?, utter shit. I wouldn't have an issue of the books so much if it weren't for the fact Gloria was such a bloody bitch. Here are some choice quotes from her straight from her mouth:
"Behind every successful person lies a pack of 'Haters! :)'"
"Sorry guys...I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."
"My work is totally original and comes from my imagination alone." (Suuure it is honey. A chosen one, an Evil Empire ruled by a king, a magical land in a country hidden away. 9__9)
"1st edition of Maradonia and the Seven Bridges, price will be raised to 50$ each. Collector's edition is almost sold out."'
There's also her horrid attempts to look like as if people give a hoot about her book!
Explained here:
If you guys can't get what the they're saying, here it is:
Tell me, how can you not have the urge to smack a bitch?
This review sums up my feelings about this 'saga' and the 'author' the most with less curse words:
"I suddenly heard a great scream, as if thousands of trees were crying out at once as they realized they were being used to print Maradonia and the Seven Bridges."
Anyways, I was going back in that thread and re-reading some posts and found one that made me laugh hysterically. Here it is:
I love you, Therizinosaurus.
Another post from someone else, who spotted a glaring error:
Because Gloria says 'fuck you' to editing!
See kiddies? This is what happens if you self-publish. Especially if you're someone like Gloria. You actually think your work that you scribbled down on Notepad in the computer is good, while in reality...yeah. No.
Now, I have to give the girl some credit. If it weren't for her, roxisangel wouldn't have put up her sproking/commentary on the book. I wouldn't have read it, love it and become interest in coming to try LiveJournal again. So...yeah.
But I still want to slap her.
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After going around Modern Literature a bit, nothing special happened, I went back to good ol' Twilight: In The Media for the hell of it. While there, I discovered another thread and it is called 'i09.com releases ridiculous article about Twi "haters",'. In it, there is an article discussing (read: bitching like a little kid) about the unpopularity of Twilight with people now a days.
To spare you the need to click on the article and seeing the comments on it, I copy/paste it for you guys:
When the trailer for new Twilight movie Eclipse played at a recent fan convention in San Francisco, the crowd erupted in boos so loud the soundtrack was drowned out. That’s when I realized hating Twilight had gotten boring.
Back when hating Twilight was cool
Maybe it’s my knee-jerk tendency to recoil from mob behaviour, but it seems to me that when hating something has become such a cliche that people catcall it before even watching the trailer - well, that’s not a taste judgment anymore. It’s just neuro-twitches working their way through lemming brains. If there was ever a time when hating Twilight was cutting-edge and cool, it was when the series was just a crypto-Mormon set of books about a mopey princess and her sparkly, obsessive prince whose penis has the power to blacken her womb.
Only the discerning hated those novels. There were interesting reasons to do it, like the fact that the books taught women that men were supposed to take care of them. And that it was OK to promise your infant daughter in marriage to a creepy adult guy who is in love with you.
But hating the movies? Anybody who has ever sneered at Hot Topic can do that. Hell, you can probably buy anti-Twilight gear at Hot Topic, right next to the pro-Twilight belt buckles. My point is that people are hating on the movies so vocally not because they have actually watched them, evaluated them in the context of other paranormal romance narratives, and deemed them aesthetically inferior. They hate them because it’s what everybody else is doing. Especially men.
Girls suck
Among commentators who are far too mature to break into enthusiastic boos when they watch a movie, there is a general consensus that these movies are “just for girls/women/mothers/daughters/sisters.” I can’t tell you how many men have told me informally - or written formally in various publications - things like, “My daughter is obsessed with Twilight and I don’t understand,” or “My wife and daughters are downstairs watching a Twilight movie. I am hiding upstairs.”
I guess I’m glad that women have discovered how to unseat male power over the home entertainment system with the push of a DVD player button. But I think if you scratch the surface of comments like that, what you find underneath is a room full of men screaming “booo” because they hate pop culture aimed at women. Or because they are scared of it. Whatever.
The point is: What the hell is wrong with women or anybody enjoying stories about girls fucking sexy monsters? Seriously, is that really any dumber than men fantasizing about sex with the chick in Species, or elf girl in Lord of the Rings? Or drooling over pictures of Kirk with the blue alien? The answer is no. It’s equally as dumb. And equally as awesome.
Congratulations - you’ve discovered your fantasies are stupid
Now that Academy Award winning director Bill Condon is on the short list to direct the final two movies in the Twilight cycle, it seems that even Hollywood is acknowledging that Twilight is more than a trashy teen phenom. It’s a powerful story that that hooks people despite the sparkles and emo dialogue.
And that is yet another reason I have grown bored with the Twilight hate. When confronted with a convention full of booing dorks, I just feel like shrugging disdainfully and saying, “Congratulations, boys - you have discovered what the entire world knew all along. Your fantasies are stupid.” Because really, Twilight at its heart is no different from any other fantasy franchise. It’s like Star Wars - except it’s set on Earth and the goal is to penetrate Bella’s womb with some guy’s flaming seed, rather than shooting it into the Death Star. OK, not really - but you get what I mean. We’re talking about adolescent power epics, with all the glory and embarrassment they entail.
I’m not saying people will come to cherish Twilight the way they do Star Wars. I’m just sick of hearing everybody trash Twilight for the very things they love in other stories: Impossible romance, epic battles that transcend generations, silly costumes, and growing up superpowered. Hating Twilight is just so tired, and it makes us all look like assholes. Maybe it’s time to start figuring out what’s cool about Twilight.
You thought that passive-aggressive, disgruntled bitchiness was bad? Wait until you see the picture that came with it.
Standards of writing an article? What's that?
Though as I would love to rip into this work, I'll let the next capscreen speak for everyone who saw past the thinly-veiled attempts of 'discussion':
Kept the name blocked because I KNOW a Twilight fan will try to harass this person if given the chance.
What makes me annoyed is that the writer of this article never bothers to properly dissect the 'fad' of hating Twilight and give explanations of why. Instead, it does a Bella and complain about everything it sees without bothering to put thought into it. Is that site following SMeyer's law or something? Long as it is long, has big words and shit, the work is good?
Honestly. >___o
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Alright, I really can't complain about this thread's contents now. I knew what I was going to experience. With the thread being called 'Twitard's reactions to finding out that twilight rates low' and my experience of how said Twitards would react when on the internet.
This usually happens.
But still, Jesus, the rabid responses was amazing to me. And all because of a simple worst books ever list. You would think that someone they loved was insulted during the said loved one's funeral or something. All the CAPS RAPE, the 'NO TWILIGHT IS GREAT!', the freak outs. And you would think they would have the dignity to ease of on the '!' much? Though the poor '?' didn't get any rest from them either either.
My favorite response, with me in it!, was this:
I certainly hope they do worry when they grow up! There might not be any hope for the Twi-Moms, but certainly for the girls! Break from the spell girls! Break from the speeeeell!
...
Uh...now that I think about it, I have this thought in my head: was I ever this rabid when it came to my hate/like for something? I certainly hope not. There must be something that should explain our rabidness in every generation. Something in the food? Water? Books?
Question of the ages.
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That's it from me and the Twilightsucks.com forums! Thanks for taking your time to actually read this stuff. And, I swear to God, I'll have the third drabble up soon enough. Just got to finish editing it. And I'm planning to write more about Cobra Starship or something because I haven't written enough about them lately. Uh...maybe their songs or something? Who knows.
I know, certainly, I'll write about Mood Whiplash. That'll be fun!
Seriously Snicker ads, go fucking die. -___o*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My second chronicles in the forums has lead my back to the inevitable 'An author with a bigger ego than S. Meyer...' thread. This is where we talk about the Maradonia Crapfest Saga. Made by Gloria Tesch, who likes to inaccurately remind you that she's the world's youngest author EVAR, the book is about two kids named Maya (an Author Avatar for Gloria obviously) and Joey and their adventures in the land called Maradonia.
The series is, how do you put it politely?, utter shit. I wouldn't have an issue of the books so much if it weren't for the fact Gloria was such a bloody bitch. Here are some choice quotes from her straight from her mouth:
"Behind every successful person lies a pack of 'Haters! :)'"
"Sorry guys...I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."
"My work is totally original and comes from my imagination alone." (Suuure it is honey. A chosen one, an Evil Empire ruled by a king, a magical land in a country hidden away. 9__9)
"1st edition of Maradonia and the Seven Bridges, price will be raised to 50$ each. Collector's edition is almost sold out."'
There's also her horrid attempts to look like as if people give a hoot about her book!
Explained here:
If you guys can't get what the they're saying, here it is:
Tell me, how can you not have the urge to smack a bitch?
This review sums up my feelings about this 'saga' and the 'author' the most with less curse words:
"I suddenly heard a great scream, as if thousands of trees were crying out at once as they realized they were being used to print Maradonia and the Seven Bridges."
Anyways, I was going back in that thread and re-reading some posts and found one that made me laugh hysterically. Here it is:
I love you, Therizinosaurus.
Another post from someone else, who spotted a glaring error:
Because Gloria says 'fuck you' to editing!
See kiddies? This is what happens if you self-publish. Especially if you're someone like Gloria. You actually think your work that you scribbled down on Notepad in the computer is good, while in reality...yeah. No.
Now, I have to give the girl some credit. If it weren't for her, roxisangel wouldn't have put up her sproking/commentary on the book. I wouldn't have read it, love it and become interest in coming to try LiveJournal again. So...yeah.
But I still want to slap her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After going around Modern Literature a bit, nothing special happened, I went back to good ol' Twilight: In The Media for the hell of it. While there, I discovered another thread and it is called 'i09.com releases ridiculous article about Twi "haters",'. In it, there is an article discussing (read: bitching like a little kid) about the unpopularity of Twilight with people now a days.
To spare you the need to click on the article and seeing the comments on it, I copy/paste it for you guys:
When the trailer for new Twilight movie Eclipse played at a recent fan convention in San Francisco, the crowd erupted in boos so loud the soundtrack was drowned out. That’s when I realized hating Twilight had gotten boring.
Back when hating Twilight was cool
Maybe it’s my knee-jerk tendency to recoil from mob behaviour, but it seems to me that when hating something has become such a cliche that people catcall it before even watching the trailer - well, that’s not a taste judgment anymore. It’s just neuro-twitches working their way through lemming brains. If there was ever a time when hating Twilight was cutting-edge and cool, it was when the series was just a crypto-Mormon set of books about a mopey princess and her sparkly, obsessive prince whose penis has the power to blacken her womb.
Only the discerning hated those novels. There were interesting reasons to do it, like the fact that the books taught women that men were supposed to take care of them. And that it was OK to promise your infant daughter in marriage to a creepy adult guy who is in love with you.
But hating the movies? Anybody who has ever sneered at Hot Topic can do that. Hell, you can probably buy anti-Twilight gear at Hot Topic, right next to the pro-Twilight belt buckles. My point is that people are hating on the movies so vocally not because they have actually watched them, evaluated them in the context of other paranormal romance narratives, and deemed them aesthetically inferior. They hate them because it’s what everybody else is doing. Especially men.
Girls suck
Among commentators who are far too mature to break into enthusiastic boos when they watch a movie, there is a general consensus that these movies are “just for girls/women/mothers/daughters/sisters.” I can’t tell you how many men have told me informally - or written formally in various publications - things like, “My daughter is obsessed with Twilight and I don’t understand,” or “My wife and daughters are downstairs watching a Twilight movie. I am hiding upstairs.”
I guess I’m glad that women have discovered how to unseat male power over the home entertainment system with the push of a DVD player button. But I think if you scratch the surface of comments like that, what you find underneath is a room full of men screaming “booo” because they hate pop culture aimed at women. Or because they are scared of it. Whatever.
The point is: What the hell is wrong with women or anybody enjoying stories about girls fucking sexy monsters? Seriously, is that really any dumber than men fantasizing about sex with the chick in Species, or elf girl in Lord of the Rings? Or drooling over pictures of Kirk with the blue alien? The answer is no. It’s equally as dumb. And equally as awesome.
Congratulations - you’ve discovered your fantasies are stupid
Now that Academy Award winning director Bill Condon is on the short list to direct the final two movies in the Twilight cycle, it seems that even Hollywood is acknowledging that Twilight is more than a trashy teen phenom. It’s a powerful story that that hooks people despite the sparkles and emo dialogue.
And that is yet another reason I have grown bored with the Twilight hate. When confronted with a convention full of booing dorks, I just feel like shrugging disdainfully and saying, “Congratulations, boys - you have discovered what the entire world knew all along. Your fantasies are stupid.” Because really, Twilight at its heart is no different from any other fantasy franchise. It’s like Star Wars - except it’s set on Earth and the goal is to penetrate Bella’s womb with some guy’s flaming seed, rather than shooting it into the Death Star. OK, not really - but you get what I mean. We’re talking about adolescent power epics, with all the glory and embarrassment they entail.
I’m not saying people will come to cherish Twilight the way they do Star Wars. I’m just sick of hearing everybody trash Twilight for the very things they love in other stories: Impossible romance, epic battles that transcend generations, silly costumes, and growing up superpowered. Hating Twilight is just so tired, and it makes us all look like assholes. Maybe it’s time to start figuring out what’s cool about Twilight.
You thought that passive-aggressive, disgruntled bitchiness was bad? Wait until you see the picture that came with it.
Standards of writing an article? What's that?
Though as I would love to rip into this work, I'll let the next capscreen speak for everyone who saw past the thinly-veiled attempts of 'discussion':
Kept the name blocked because I KNOW a Twilight fan will try to harass this person if given the chance.
What makes me annoyed is that the writer of this article never bothers to properly dissect the 'fad' of hating Twilight and give explanations of why. Instead, it does a Bella and complain about everything it sees without bothering to put thought into it. Is that site following SMeyer's law or something? Long as it is long, has big words and shit, the work is good?
Honestly. >___o
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alright, I really can't complain about this thread's contents now. I knew what I was going to experience. With the thread being called 'Twitard's reactions to finding out that twilight rates low' and my experience of how said Twitards would react when on the internet.
This usually happens.
But still, Jesus, the rabid responses was amazing to me. And all because of a simple worst books ever list. You would think that someone they loved was insulted during the said loved one's funeral or something. All the CAPS RAPE, the 'NO TWILIGHT IS GREAT!', the freak outs. And you would think they would have the dignity to ease of on the '!' much? Though the poor '?' didn't get any rest from them either either.
My favorite response, with me in it!, was this:
I certainly hope they do worry when they grow up! There might not be any hope for the Twi-Moms, but certainly for the girls! Break from the spell girls! Break from the speeeeell!
...
Uh...now that I think about it, I have this thought in my head: was I ever this rabid when it came to my hate/like for something? I certainly hope not. There must be something that should explain our rabidness in every generation. Something in the food? Water? Books?
Question of the ages.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's it from me and the Twilightsucks.com forums! Thanks for taking your time to actually read this stuff. And, I swear to God, I'll have the third drabble up soon enough. Just got to finish editing it. And I'm planning to write more about Cobra Starship or something because I haven't written enough about them lately. Uh...maybe their songs or something? Who knows.
I know, certainly, I'll write about Mood Whiplash. That'll be fun!