i'm here
Well its been about two weeks since I have had a job. I am getting sick of this shit. Why? Why? Why? All I can ask is why. Why do I care? This is the real world there is no love or compassion here. There is no grace. I miss the home i thought I had. I miss the memories that fade. I am happy and i am sad. I am I. I would rather be you. would you want to be me? I am angry and I am excited. I'm waiting for something to happen in my life. I am ready to contune with the road. I would love to walk down the devils road. I am depressed. At least I can reconize it now. But i am still a little shakey on the what to do about it? do you know? feel the power and life. feel the death of everything you knew. now it starts anew. I watched this specal on the discover channel yesterday. It was about super valcanos. What would happen if yellowstone ever erupted. we would all be fucked. whats the diffrence now? I'm a little angry and impacent. What is the value of pain and suffering if you learn nothing from it? james and jessica are making cookies. hell yeah. I have the power to change all of this but the consquence are unknow so why tempt fate to bitch slap me? lol. feel the currents of everything around you and you will feel me. I am there but nowhere. I am dust in the wind but I am the rock you stand on. How can fate expect me to do this? Right I asked for it. we all ask for it when we chose to come to earth and be born. why does god follow the rules and no one else does? time heals time. Its all around us. I have wasted you. I want you back but what would i do if i had it.
dreams
what are dreams? are the the mind working out problems while you sleep? Are they future events that are waiting to happen. How may people actualy remember there dreams? I don't usually but that is how i work. I give my subcounceus a lot to work on so my counceness has lots of free time. I works but I have nothing to do in the waking hours. I would rather dream its more real. I wish i had a bowl.
nightmares.
are they fears unrelized? are they omens of horror to come. I dont want to be hostal. I don't wanna trust you. life life life life what do i do with you. i don't trust my self. do you?
but its a lie. I understand it all and I just have to deal with it . how do i deal with it. I know lots of meditation. I just don't ever want to come back. I don't want to do anything. If i can over come my desease why do people hide. Why am i hiding for my desteny. The fate of earth seed is to take root among the stars. All you touch you change. All you change changes you. the only lasting truth is change. God/dess is change. I ask for a second to let it change. Are you disterbed? are you scared? are you intranced. do i invoke the will to learn. do i promte the desire in you. What is desire? the will to have something.
yeah this is a lot of rambling but this is how the mind of my petuclar genious works. are you god why do i worship you. what is the meaning of the will. how strong is your will can you challenge me? but now i have fun.
I home and away. the light is on and i'm not answering the door.
what are you to doo. what do i do that offends you so? I am here when needed and all ways there when you feel alone you just have to call. just figuar out the number.
the only reason i write in this is to escape my sanity. most people would be insane is they had to know the things i breath.
your love is so presious.
love me
hate me
feel me
see me
you would never want to know me.
example
jeni the first love of my life. All I wanted was her to be happy and know that she was loved. What I did you ask? Well I riped apart her soul and taped it back together only to shred it. But i love her more that you can bare. I am just a worthless lier I am just a imbacil. what did she do to deserve it? nothing but help me understand myself. A thing I hated. I still resent the fact that I can do nothing to heal. The thing i do is change. i will turn your world upside down and inside out. But none of you can say that you would have been better off not knowing me. I hope it made us stronger if only i didn't feel so weak.
what is strengh? I don't know. never had it probaly never will. Who is the enemy but myself.
Well I lost where I was going so many time already.
I luv you jeni and please understand that I will always hate myself for what i did to you.
dreams
what are dreams? are the the mind working out problems while you sleep? Are they future events that are waiting to happen. How may people actualy remember there dreams? I don't usually but that is how i work. I give my subcounceus a lot to work on so my counceness has lots of free time. I works but I have nothing to do in the waking hours. I would rather dream its more real. I wish i had a bowl.
nightmares.
are they fears unrelized? are they omens of horror to come. I dont want to be hostal. I don't wanna trust you. life life life life what do i do with you. i don't trust my self. do you?
but its a lie. I understand it all and I just have to deal with it . how do i deal with it. I know lots of meditation. I just don't ever want to come back. I don't want to do anything. If i can over come my desease why do people hide. Why am i hiding for my desteny. The fate of earth seed is to take root among the stars. All you touch you change. All you change changes you. the only lasting truth is change. God/dess is change. I ask for a second to let it change. Are you disterbed? are you scared? are you intranced. do i invoke the will to learn. do i promte the desire in you. What is desire? the will to have something.
yeah this is a lot of rambling but this is how the mind of my petuclar genious works. are you god why do i worship you. what is the meaning of the will. how strong is your will can you challenge me? but now i have fun.
I home and away. the light is on and i'm not answering the door.
what are you to doo. what do i do that offends you so? I am here when needed and all ways there when you feel alone you just have to call. just figuar out the number.
the only reason i write in this is to escape my sanity. most people would be insane is they had to know the things i breath.
your love is so presious.
love me
hate me
feel me
see me
you would never want to know me.
example
jeni the first love of my life. All I wanted was her to be happy and know that she was loved. What I did you ask? Well I riped apart her soul and taped it back together only to shred it. But i love her more that you can bare. I am just a worthless lier I am just a imbacil. what did she do to deserve it? nothing but help me understand myself. A thing I hated. I still resent the fact that I can do nothing to heal. The thing i do is change. i will turn your world upside down and inside out. But none of you can say that you would have been better off not knowing me. I hope it made us stronger if only i didn't feel so weak.
what is strengh? I don't know. never had it probaly never will. Who is the enemy but myself.
Well I lost where I was going so many time already.
I luv you jeni and please understand that I will always hate myself for what i did to you.