(no subject)
It's official. I've started job-hunting again. I cannot take this job anymore. It's a shame because the coworkers and the atmosphere are so great, but the work makes me so unhappy; this whole time it's felt like I'm hanging onto this job, and my ability to do it by a string, and that string is stretched too far and breaking :/ for awhile it was "just get through this week, a week is just a week" then it went to "just get through this day - time doesn't really slow down, just wait it out" now it's "juuuuust get through til lunch (;_;) only a couple hours.." I hate going to bed dreading to wake up and waking up dreading the rest of the day. And it's been that way for 2 years now; changing offices twice hasn't helped. Granted, the work is slightly more tolerable where I am now, but it still feels like string-stretching, like going down the wrong side of the road or going against your gut instinct. The worst part is knowing how far along I -should- be in this job; how much I should know, but I'm sorely behind, partly because when I first started I did not get a single assignment for 5 months, and as new people came in I saw them get assignments and projects while I sat back and had nothing...and now, at my level, I'm expected to know more than I do. And so I don't really qualify for any private sector jobs- most of the ones in my field want 10 years exp anyway...I'm going to take the Foreign Service Officer Test in February, and am currently applying to the Smithsonian Institute as a photographer (fat chance, hahaha!) comparable pay but 2hr commute...in the meantime, I have more work piled up than I've ever been given before, and yet my boss mentioned giving me MORE to keep me "gainfully employed." And I haven't had time to keep up with basic responsibilities like paying my bills or grocery shopping or laundry or cleaning out my hot-tub -_- because when I DO get a shred of free time I spend it with Michael :3
We went to breakfast at Bob Evans on Saturday, then to a "Crab feast" and took a boat tour of Jug Bay, then went to the county fair, came back home and watched 50 First Dates :> even though nothing extraordinary happened, he was always smiling and just said he felt closer to me than he ever has, and that his mind is starting to go blank around me sometimes xD so...he's at the point I was like, 5 months ago!! Unless he's just saying things :/ he does that sometimes... At the fair, he won me a big stuffed dog, on his first try at basketball - it looks like Roxie :D and I won him a choice of framed poster playing darts (the only thing I know I can win) - he chose this cheesy one of a rose that says "I Love You" and joked about giving it to me in like, a year or something as a gift ;P he walked up to Christianna and was like "I won this for you :)..." which was HILARIOUS, she scowled, hahaha "What did you expect? Projectile vomit?" xD LOL I gave him a few bucks to play one more game he won, but I didn't want anything else, so told him to pick something out for his sister (a cute duckling plushie) rode a few rides, got corndogs, and pet the livestock and we were done :) it was nice, overall <3 and when I arrived at his apt Friday night to pick him up for the weekend, he had txted me that I had a surprise waiting, and when I came in, he'd made me dinner and was playing some jazz music, and was so excited to see me :DDD I wish I could come home to that, and him, every night... :/ Leaving him yesterday was actually pretty hard, I nearly turned the car around, but didn't want to look like a crazy person and just sulked the whole way home. We had a short-ish, but still drawn-out goodbye because we don't get to see each other for 2 weeks, as we both have plans this coming weekend; I plan on going to the wine-fest and the renaissance fair, and he was invited to a gala at the Russian embassy, very exclusive, 30 Americans in the country were invited. He gets things like this, or like when he was chosen to give the speech at Gorbachev's birthday party this year, or was nominated to be a Fulbright sholar - he just gets it without hardly trying. If he actually networked at all, or sought out these sorts of things, he would be a very influential person, I think. But for now, he's all mine >:3 except this coming weekend...I am massively bummed about that...
Blah blah blah. My life is nothing but work and Michael :/
We went to breakfast at Bob Evans on Saturday, then to a "Crab feast" and took a boat tour of Jug Bay, then went to the county fair, came back home and watched 50 First Dates :> even though nothing extraordinary happened, he was always smiling and just said he felt closer to me than he ever has, and that his mind is starting to go blank around me sometimes xD so...he's at the point I was like, 5 months ago!! Unless he's just saying things :/ he does that sometimes... At the fair, he won me a big stuffed dog, on his first try at basketball - it looks like Roxie :D and I won him a choice of framed poster playing darts (the only thing I know I can win) - he chose this cheesy one of a rose that says "I Love You" and joked about giving it to me in like, a year or something as a gift ;P he walked up to Christianna and was like "I won this for you :)..." which was HILARIOUS, she scowled, hahaha "What did you expect? Projectile vomit?" xD LOL I gave him a few bucks to play one more game he won, but I didn't want anything else, so told him to pick something out for his sister (a cute duckling plushie) rode a few rides, got corndogs, and pet the livestock and we were done :) it was nice, overall <3 and when I arrived at his apt Friday night to pick him up for the weekend, he had txted me that I had a surprise waiting, and when I came in, he'd made me dinner and was playing some jazz music, and was so excited to see me :DDD I wish I could come home to that, and him, every night... :/ Leaving him yesterday was actually pretty hard, I nearly turned the car around, but didn't want to look like a crazy person and just sulked the whole way home. We had a short-ish, but still drawn-out goodbye because we don't get to see each other for 2 weeks, as we both have plans this coming weekend; I plan on going to the wine-fest and the renaissance fair, and he was invited to a gala at the Russian embassy, very exclusive, 30 Americans in the country were invited. He gets things like this, or like when he was chosen to give the speech at Gorbachev's birthday party this year, or was nominated to be a Fulbright sholar - he just gets it without hardly trying. If he actually networked at all, or sought out these sorts of things, he would be a very influential person, I think. But for now, he's all mine >:3 except this coming weekend...I am massively bummed about that...
Blah blah blah. My life is nothing but work and Michael :/