(no subject)
Alright...lets try and do the update thing.
Went home for Spring Break...right before that, me, Ash, & Lisa got an apartment at Kardon for next year. psyched. but yea...home. grandma. holy shit. i've been away from it for a while bein at school...but she's really takin a turn with the alzheimers. Let me quote one of her moments...i believe it was "I have extra sour kraut for my bananas, but I don't have any buns.".....ooook then. Every 5 minutes she asked me the same question about if I had a boyfriend at school and didn't believe me when I said that I didn't. that was a little rough. THEN...she came home from church with Mom...I opened the door for them. She saw me and talked with me for a few minutes. 5 minutes later i turn the corner while she's sitting watching the blank TV screen, and she goes "OHHH my Manda she's home?? I didn't know that!" The day I was leaving, we had two episodes. At dinner, she started singing songs from when she lived in Czechoslovakia...the last song she sang translates into "My head hurts from crying so much for my mother is dead in the dark cold ground." Nice right?? And then when I was leaving....packing the car to leave anyway...every time she saw me she was suprised and asked the same thing "Ohhh my Manda, when I gonna see you again? I hope I still be alive...--or--....who knows where I'll be then"...because a month is oh so far away....and Grandma is moving in for good very soon. Its just rough seeing it when I havnt seen it in so long. But its ok...its a part of life...its just sad to watch. I told Mom I'm having her put to sleep before she hits this part of life though, cause I won't be able to handle it.
Scott---screwwww that. I'm quitting on the boy thing. Its not worth it. They want me, they need to come and get it. I'm done. I dont wanna get into it past that though...not worth it. Just know that I'm done and I hope I remember that next time I go out. I've never played hard to get unless I didn't wanna be gotten in which case I wasn't playin it....its really how it was. I don't know how to play hard to get. But I'm gunna hafta do it from now on. So there :-P
Speaking of hard to get...a few of my friends are playing hard to get...hard to get in touch with n just have a conversation with. Suprisingly enough these friends all have sig. others...whether its official or up in the air. They're not around for me to talk to about it though and find out how up in the air it is or how their relationship is going. its funny...because these friends always said how important friendship was and how they'd always be there and I always said I'd be there too....and some have gotten mad at me in the past for my significant other when I was with Mike...but I made time to at least TALK to my friends. I understand where they were coming from with not hanging out with them as much...and I'm sorry about that. I know that its hard for some of the people I'm referring to to hang out cause some of us go to different schools....but a phone call...or a response to IMs...or an email....something to let me know how things are and to keep in touch would be nice. i miss my friends. i want them back. i wanna know how things are going with their sig. others so i can be happy for them or help them through the trouble they're having....or if they dont want help to tae their mind off it at least. something. i know people grow apart in college...but this is a lil ridiculous. theres some people that I go to school with and met here...who said that they were so glad we'd met and we always had so much fun together...and lately, its been hard to get in touch with them. the little time I do get to see/spend with them is great, but i miss them. i keep tryin to make an effort to say hey and keep in touch...but i guess they're otherwise occupied. i just hope they miss me too and come back to say hi every once in a while soon.
as for other friends...i miss my jersey crew at home. summers gunna kick. me n steph n jen as of now i believe are all single and will be raising hell as long as we are :-) can't WAIT. need to get a slight tan before summer though...and i need to lose some weight to...hardcore. i've never seen this number on a scale before. im a lil disgusted in myself. i dont look fat...but i dont look good either. ill be happy when im back at 128 max. ill keep updatin how that goal is goin. right now...i'm far off. if i was still dancin, this wouldnt be a problem....not gunna go there though (although my back has been killing me for the past 2 weeks. ughhh).
now for the test anxiety update. oh boy
2 panic attacks this semester while just trying to study for these tests. took a midterm for my Human Behavior in the Social Environment class...which I have an A for every other thing I've done in that class....no joke, one of the pages....the words literally switched from top to bottom and blurred while I was trying to read it. i freaked out. I dont do well on tests. went to sulivan hall for a counseling session. filled out this questionaire...then a 1 on 1....and i qualify for test anxiety. its a lil upsetting but at least now i know whats goin on n i feel better about everything. ill go to counseling and get help to overcome the anxiety attacks and get help with studying tips. counseling starts April 6th. not looking forward to it...but i am...if that makes sense. im looking forward to not freakin out nemore. i can say that.
ash and i went into the city this weekend...got followed by this guy twice. freaked us out hardcore. we were walkin off the subway...n this guy just starts followin us. so we stopped...tried to make it near a crowd of people but they just kept walkin, so ash turned n was like "can i help you?" and he mumbled something. im guessin someone looked at him cause he jetted away real fast. then like an hour later, her n i had gotten starbucks n he found us...she still had hers...n he was like "oh you got coffee??" n followed us again. ash was like "jump into the next store" so we did...n he followed us in. the owner or someone started comin over n the guy bounced real fast. the guy who was workin there followed him out...comes back in and was like "girls, did he follow you in here?" we were like "Yeah for the 2nd time today". he told us if he followed us again to come back and hed call the cops. we left...the guy was at the corner. so we crossed the street...and so did he. we couldnt get away from the guy it was scary as hell!! we bounced real quick. came back here n picked up lisa n went to south street. it was a good day. then we went out that night...it was fun til about 345 when amanda and ash got all emotional haha. she slept over. sunday was rough. its all good now though. gunna be goin out wednesday i think. should be fun. gotta go get some stuff done though. my room looks like a bomb hit it haha. until next time!!
--amanda--