I need a back rub like whoa.
I can't sleep; but it's my own fault.
I'm just sitting here wasting time until the stacker wears off.
I was supposed to be studying accounting.
The stupid school won't let me drop it.
....even after I told the dean that my mom was in a really bad car wreck and I have to take care of her and do her job for her and I don't have time to bring my grades up.
[that didn't happen - the wreck]
I was so very tempted to just stop going and take the F. I kind of really still want to do that.
Do you know what it's like to be so close to completely not caring but not quite there yet?
In a recent journal entry, Danielle said this:
where do i see myself in 5 years?
i don't want to see myself doing anything.
Danielle, I feel like you've summed up the sentiment of my entire life.
The thing is, clearly I do still care about my grades, because if I didn't, I really would just stop going. But on the other hand, I only care enough to continue to go to class, and that's about it...I doubt I'll do any of the work. I skipped a test yesterday because I knew I was going to fail it anyway. So what's the point?
Do you know what it's like to be completely unmotivated and have zero ambition in just about everything that you do? Does anyone know what that's like? Do you know what it's like to be extremely jealous of people who actually do their work - and care about doing their work?
No, probably not.
And on another note, I'm having a terrible cocaine craving and I hate it.
Every once in a while, these come, and if Chad were awake I'd probably fuck things up by calling and telling him how unfair he's being by not letting me do it (and by not letting me I mean breaking up with me if I do), and then we'd get in a huge fight and he'd get depressed and I'd get resentful, because I love him so much, too much to break his heart like that, and sometimes I wish I was mean enough to do it and not tell him, but I know I never could.
And truth be told, I don't want to lie to him like that.
Maybe one day I'll get to the point where I can throw a great relationship away for a life of drug abuse.
I often wonder when the moment in which I stop caring completely - the moment of complete apathy and lethargy about everything in my life will come.
Oh, it's coming. It might be years, but it's coming.
oh yeah, also, it's April so that means, Happy 7 Years of Self-Destruction to me.
I'm just sitting here wasting time until the stacker wears off.
I was supposed to be studying accounting.
The stupid school won't let me drop it.
....even after I told the dean that my mom was in a really bad car wreck and I have to take care of her and do her job for her and I don't have time to bring my grades up.
[that didn't happen - the wreck]
I was so very tempted to just stop going and take the F. I kind of really still want to do that.
Do you know what it's like to be so close to completely not caring but not quite there yet?
In a recent journal entry, Danielle said this:
where do i see myself in 5 years?
i don't want to see myself doing anything.
Danielle, I feel like you've summed up the sentiment of my entire life.
The thing is, clearly I do still care about my grades, because if I didn't, I really would just stop going. But on the other hand, I only care enough to continue to go to class, and that's about it...I doubt I'll do any of the work. I skipped a test yesterday because I knew I was going to fail it anyway. So what's the point?
Do you know what it's like to be completely unmotivated and have zero ambition in just about everything that you do? Does anyone know what that's like? Do you know what it's like to be extremely jealous of people who actually do their work - and care about doing their work?
No, probably not.
And on another note, I'm having a terrible cocaine craving and I hate it.
Every once in a while, these come, and if Chad were awake I'd probably fuck things up by calling and telling him how unfair he's being by not letting me do it (and by not letting me I mean breaking up with me if I do), and then we'd get in a huge fight and he'd get depressed and I'd get resentful, because I love him so much, too much to break his heart like that, and sometimes I wish I was mean enough to do it and not tell him, but I know I never could.
And truth be told, I don't want to lie to him like that.
Maybe one day I'll get to the point where I can throw a great relationship away for a life of drug abuse.
I often wonder when the moment in which I stop caring completely - the moment of complete apathy and lethargy about everything in my life will come.
Oh, it's coming. It might be years, but it's coming.
oh yeah, also, it's April so that means, Happy 7 Years of Self-Destruction to me.