Betrayal
Ryan, before i write this i want you to understand this is how i truly feel, but i also want you to understand i still see you as my best friend and that i still love you and that i always will.
I wanted to tell him this to his face, but couldn't, i couldn't find the right words, so i will try to find them now.
Ryan made me question everything i thought i was, he made me realize i was what others wanted me to be, and finally made me happy, he made me realize what i could be, that i could finally be happy, he made me ifgure out how to be myself, he made me comfortable with who and what i am, he got me to the point where i was no longer ashamed, to the point where i was comfortable telling others i was gay, but now with barely a word he simply left me, without even a thought, he just packed up and left. He is makeing me start back at teh beginning, he is no longer here to protect me, no longer here to hold my hand through difficult times, like he promised he would. I truly feel betrayed as if he no longer wanted me as if he out grew me, there were so many more things he promised to show me, promised to teach me, but those are just other promises you have broken, but hurts me the most is that, as you made this decision you thought nothing of me, you probably didn't even think about me, i understand that one should do what makes them happiest, but when you have friends and when you say you love someone as a friend, and they beleive it, and then when you move just leave without giving them a second thought, it really makes them feel like crap, it makes me feel like crap, i am sure you didn't mean for me to feeel like this but it is how i feel now, I feel as if everything you told me everything you promised me was a lie, and nothing more, I feel that everything i became during or friendship is just a lie, that i now must start all over and probably become worse than what i was before i met you, depending on the majority of people, doing what people want of me never being myself, I still love you and i always will, i promise that, I promise that you will always be loved by me, I also promise you will always be my best friend, even if you forget me, which i fear you might do, you will always be my best friend, my first love, and maybe my only love. Just please don't push me away, and make me look in on your life, i want to be a part of it, not just an on looker.
Now please promise you will call me, e-mail me, and visit me, and take time to be with me when i get teh chance to visit you, I love you ryan, i always will even if you do forget me
I will always be your ryan, yours and only yours, forever and ever, just remember that. No matter what happens no matter who you meet no matter who yuo sleep with, i still love you and will always and i will always be here for you no matter what
With deepest love,
Aaron
I wanted to tell him this to his face, but couldn't, i couldn't find the right words, so i will try to find them now.
Ryan made me question everything i thought i was, he made me realize i was what others wanted me to be, and finally made me happy, he made me realize what i could be, that i could finally be happy, he made me ifgure out how to be myself, he made me comfortable with who and what i am, he got me to the point where i was no longer ashamed, to the point where i was comfortable telling others i was gay, but now with barely a word he simply left me, without even a thought, he just packed up and left. He is makeing me start back at teh beginning, he is no longer here to protect me, no longer here to hold my hand through difficult times, like he promised he would. I truly feel betrayed as if he no longer wanted me as if he out grew me, there were so many more things he promised to show me, promised to teach me, but those are just other promises you have broken, but hurts me the most is that, as you made this decision you thought nothing of me, you probably didn't even think about me, i understand that one should do what makes them happiest, but when you have friends and when you say you love someone as a friend, and they beleive it, and then when you move just leave without giving them a second thought, it really makes them feel like crap, it makes me feel like crap, i am sure you didn't mean for me to feeel like this but it is how i feel now, I feel as if everything you told me everything you promised me was a lie, and nothing more, I feel that everything i became during or friendship is just a lie, that i now must start all over and probably become worse than what i was before i met you, depending on the majority of people, doing what people want of me never being myself, I still love you and i always will, i promise that, I promise that you will always be loved by me, I also promise you will always be my best friend, even if you forget me, which i fear you might do, you will always be my best friend, my first love, and maybe my only love. Just please don't push me away, and make me look in on your life, i want to be a part of it, not just an on looker.
Now please promise you will call me, e-mail me, and visit me, and take time to be with me when i get teh chance to visit you, I love you ryan, i always will even if you do forget me
I will always be your ryan, yours and only yours, forever and ever, just remember that. No matter what happens no matter who you meet no matter who yuo sleep with, i still love you and will always and i will always be here for you no matter what
With deepest love,
Aaron