I love my family so much!!!

[happyash143]

Once a week I work at the Dean's Office of the College of Natural and Applied Science. Today is that day & I have 2 and a half productive hours ahead me, or so I would like to think. Today I am sick and have been carrying around with me a kleenex box that has become my best friend. I hereby pronounce him. . .Joseph! I dunno, I had to. . . anyways. . . I am starting to look forward to going home next weekend to shop for bridesmaids dresses and what not w/ Jessica as well as see my family. I do miss them a bit, ok a lot! I love them so much and feel really bad for not being home w/ them so much this summer even when I had the chance. It is going to take a while to overcome me feelings of guilt and selfishness that have overcome at times my feelings of love for them. The past is the past and I must move on and this is why I am excited to go home. I did find out the other day that my mom doesn't want, or won't allow, me to come home over next summer. Not that this is a surprise or anything, becuase it isn't, and not that I object, because I don't want to go back to Six Flags and be the person they expect me to be, but it hurts in the sense that I didn't prepare myself for that this summer and I don't really have anything planned for this next summer, which is crazy b/c I always have everything planned. I want to do SOAR because I think it would be a relaxing break from the last three summers of working everywhere b/t 40 to 93 hours in a week. Knowing that I will not be coming home this coming summer has forced me to reflect on my absence, esp. in the lives of my sisters and brother Mark. I don't think it will be so hard to be away from my parents, even though I love them dearly as well, because it is hard for me to grasp that, since they do as well, they still feel the need to protect me when I don't expect it and unfortunately resent it. I believe that family is the most important aspect of anyone's life, besides one's faith, whether it be a negative or positive influence. It is hard for me to swallow the reality that this summer I neglected those who are most important to me as well as those that will love me more unconditionally than anyone else. I hope that this wound heals as I know that my family has forgiven me. It is hardest for me to accept that forgiveness!

Two crazy things today: not hungry at all b/c I am so stinking sick and I can't pick my color for the day . . . something is seriously wrong!!!

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."