Broadening my horizons
I just finished watching episodes 23 and 24 of Evangelion. I swear, I'll never look at Handel's Messiah the same way again. My Mom asked me why I watch such a depressing show. I told her, "Hey, existentialism is rarely happy." That show is actually what introduced me to the concept of existentialism, even though I didn't know it at the time.
But I really feel bad for Asuka. I've always been more drawn to Rei(as seen by the icon), since Asuka can be such a bitch sometimes, but she's gone through such a lot, and she hates herself for not being able tio stomach it all. So, I wrote this drabble last night, the first work for evangelion I've ever published. It's also the first Shojo-ai. This pairing could never work in real life, but I prefer the together that having either of them with Shinji. So here's my cheer-up-Asuka fic, set when Rei is staying at Misato's for whatever reason, and Asuka having a nightmare aboit her crazy momma.
She woke up screaming, and panting.
"Soryhu?" the girl next to her sat up. After Asuka ignored her, she reached out a hand to touch her.
"NO! Don't touch me!" She shrieked.
Rei did not remove her hand.Asuka whimpered softly, hunched over as if she were about to vomit. She grit her teeth and shut her eyes, desperately trying to drive the screaming voices out of her head. Rei took this opportunity to draw her arms hesitantly around the shaking girl.
Asuka pressed herself into Rei's chest as if it were a brick wall, and only a force of that intensity could fix her brain. She whimpered even harder, gripping Rei's shirt so hard her knuckles turned white.
A mysterious sort of calm had come over Rei. She was always calm, but now she seemed wise, knowing, perhaps even loving.
"Tell me what you feel," she said to the trembling girl in her arms.
"Why should I?" Asuka barked back.
A beat of silence. Asuka's sobs became less frequent, and her shaking ceased a bit.
"I'm tired," She replied finally, in a voice still tight with emotion. "I hate people for leaving me, for hurting me. For expecting too much of me, and for not believing I can do it. And I hate myself for not being able to just deal with it and I hate you for doing whatever people anyone tells you to and not caring about anything, but you're still better than me! And most of all, I hate my life for makeing me be so FUCKED UP!!!!"
Asuka was panting from the lonfg stream she had compleated nearly all in one breath, and still from her nightmare.
"Rei," she choked, :Why does everything have to be so easy for you?
She seemerd to almost deflate back onto the bed into a fetal position, and continued to sob.
Rei stared at her. A part of her mind realized that this was the first time Asuka had called her by her name. Her first name, no less.
There was a small knock at the door. Rei rose to answer it. She opened the door a crack to see a sleepy Misato, complete with a can of beer.
"I heard shouting," She muttered. "Is everything okay?'
"Yes, eveything is fine." Rei replied in her charicteristic monotone.
"Umm...Okay." The older woman padded back down the hall.
Rei tiptoed softly back into the room.
"What was that? 'Everything's fine.'"Asuka mimicked Rei nastilly. "Do you think I'm fine?!"
"No," Answered Rei, sitting back on the bed. "I lied."
"W-what?"
"You wouldn't want Katsuragi-san in here," She whispered. "And neither would I."
Before Asuka could say anything else, Rei gently cupped her chin and brought Asuka's mouth to her own.
Asuka's eyes shot open. Her first instinct was to pull away and punch the living dayligts out of her, but she was struck by how warm, how soft, how gentle Rei's lips were. They tasted salty, probably from her own tears. She could feel a pulse between the two of them, but whather it was Rei's or her own, Asuka couldn't tell.
Rei slowly drew back, awaiting Askua's reaction.
For a moment, she blinked in utter shock. Then she suddenly snapped back to her usual self.
"Hey, if anyone's going to be giving first kisses around here, it's me."
Asuka's mouth practically enveloped Rei's tiny one, her tongue tickling the full of her lips. Rei shrank back in surprise, but Asuka held fast. She leaned her hand into Rei's cheek to keep her balance. The hardness in her kiss drained out little by little, until she realized she was actually enjoying it. Rei's mouth had opened, alowing Asuka enterence, and she was tilting her head just a little. Rei was more fun to kiss than Shinji, she decided. She didn't even realize the subtle gentleness in her kiss, and gratefullness. She was clinging to this girl, for reassurance that she wouldn't fall.
But I really feel bad for Asuka. I've always been more drawn to Rei(as seen by the icon), since Asuka can be such a bitch sometimes, but she's gone through such a lot, and she hates herself for not being able tio stomach it all. So, I wrote this drabble last night, the first work for evangelion I've ever published. It's also the first Shojo-ai. This pairing could never work in real life, but I prefer the together that having either of them with Shinji. So here's my cheer-up-Asuka fic, set when Rei is staying at Misato's for whatever reason, and Asuka having a nightmare aboit her crazy momma.
She woke up screaming, and panting.
"Soryhu?" the girl next to her sat up. After Asuka ignored her, she reached out a hand to touch her.
"NO! Don't touch me!" She shrieked.
Rei did not remove her hand.Asuka whimpered softly, hunched over as if she were about to vomit. She grit her teeth and shut her eyes, desperately trying to drive the screaming voices out of her head. Rei took this opportunity to draw her arms hesitantly around the shaking girl.
Asuka pressed herself into Rei's chest as if it were a brick wall, and only a force of that intensity could fix her brain. She whimpered even harder, gripping Rei's shirt so hard her knuckles turned white.
A mysterious sort of calm had come over Rei. She was always calm, but now she seemed wise, knowing, perhaps even loving.
"Tell me what you feel," she said to the trembling girl in her arms.
"Why should I?" Asuka barked back.
A beat of silence. Asuka's sobs became less frequent, and her shaking ceased a bit.
"I'm tired," She replied finally, in a voice still tight with emotion. "I hate people for leaving me, for hurting me. For expecting too much of me, and for not believing I can do it. And I hate myself for not being able to just deal with it and I hate you for doing whatever people anyone tells you to and not caring about anything, but you're still better than me! And most of all, I hate my life for makeing me be so FUCKED UP!!!!"
Asuka was panting from the lonfg stream she had compleated nearly all in one breath, and still from her nightmare.
"Rei," she choked, :Why does everything have to be so easy for you?
She seemerd to almost deflate back onto the bed into a fetal position, and continued to sob.
Rei stared at her. A part of her mind realized that this was the first time Asuka had called her by her name. Her first name, no less.
There was a small knock at the door. Rei rose to answer it. She opened the door a crack to see a sleepy Misato, complete with a can of beer.
"I heard shouting," She muttered. "Is everything okay?'
"Yes, eveything is fine." Rei replied in her charicteristic monotone.
"Umm...Okay." The older woman padded back down the hall.
Rei tiptoed softly back into the room.
"What was that? 'Everything's fine.'"Asuka mimicked Rei nastilly. "Do you think I'm fine?!"
"No," Answered Rei, sitting back on the bed. "I lied."
"W-what?"
"You wouldn't want Katsuragi-san in here," She whispered. "And neither would I."
Before Asuka could say anything else, Rei gently cupped her chin and brought Asuka's mouth to her own.
Asuka's eyes shot open. Her first instinct was to pull away and punch the living dayligts out of her, but she was struck by how warm, how soft, how gentle Rei's lips were. They tasted salty, probably from her own tears. She could feel a pulse between the two of them, but whather it was Rei's or her own, Asuka couldn't tell.
Rei slowly drew back, awaiting Askua's reaction.
For a moment, she blinked in utter shock. Then she suddenly snapped back to her usual self.
"Hey, if anyone's going to be giving first kisses around here, it's me."
Asuka's mouth practically enveloped Rei's tiny one, her tongue tickling the full of her lips. Rei shrank back in surprise, but Asuka held fast. She leaned her hand into Rei's cheek to keep her balance. The hardness in her kiss drained out little by little, until she realized she was actually enjoying it. Rei's mouth had opened, alowing Asuka enterence, and she was tilting her head just a little. Rei was more fun to kiss than Shinji, she decided. She didn't even realize the subtle gentleness in her kiss, and gratefullness. She was clinging to this girl, for reassurance that she wouldn't fall.