Jul 13, 2005 01:42
so...like i said i feel like such a fool. i did something tonight that was a first for me...it was scary and i don't know if i'm happy that i did it or what. i'm kind of not happy but not sad about it and at that same time i'm actually quit sad. i feel like such a fool. i don't know what i was expecting. nothing i guess...but at the same time something. i actually kind of expected what i got and yet it still hurt when it was delivered. i dunno i know i'll get over it but i just feel...iunno i guess the only word is foolish. i feel like i've jumped off a cliff with out a bungee cord...or with out a parachute would probably be a better choice. iunno i feel like i did something that i knew would hurt and yet i did it anyways. it's like when your parents used to tell you not to stick your fingers up your nose cause you'd get a nose bleed...and you did it any ways. you know whats gonna happen once you get your finger up there...and yet you still do it. iunno i just feel like i made a mistake...and yet i feel releaved that i've taken that step finally. no more what if's...or i wonders...just the feeling of it wasn't right. but yes...i suppose thats all...oh and happy birthday tifferz...i hope you had fun tonight...i know i did...for the most part. oh and thankz for the shove in that direction for some...i needed it...i'm just sad from the outcome oh well it'll pass right? the feeling won't stay forever will it? oh goodness grayshess i hope not...ok then i think thats all so laterz gaterz