(no subject)
feelin pretty damn blue. i don't know why. there's something wrong with me. even my best friend thinks so, she thinks im "so mean and not fun". im sorry. i can't help it. it high school. its my mom. its my coaches. its my body.
today i wore all black. everything black. except jeans. which were dark. mom says i look good in black. says that its my best color. i like it. i guess. for now. hopefully ill be too happy for black another time.
i hate both of my dresses. i think i look horrible in both. mom says i look beautiful. she gets mad when i dissagree. she gets mad alot. she scares me. im terrified of her, actually.
david says i could be a writer. that i could, no, would is what he said, would write a book. im not sure about that. i may one day. noone i knew could read it. noone. it would have too much of me in it. i can't let any of me get out. all you can see is a sliver. i don't want to be gone, or nothing, but knowing all of me would be unbearable for myself.
i also like wine red. garnet red. deep red. any kind of red that looks like blood.
went to a party today. also left it.
shopping tomorrow, my birthday present from my parents. mom was reluctant to give it. i asked dad.
no band for me next year. i need to find a different class to take. language(german), or social studies? and then i need a half credit for the hour that was taken up by marching band. thank god i don't have to do that anymore.