(no subject)
So Yeah. It feels like forever since I've last updated.
What I have done:
Sunday: WORK. Fuck it was bad. Yeah, Yeah, wiping Tables for an hour. MM fun. Not.
Monday: City. I got in early and yeah, talking to Siobhan and Mark for awhile. Which was // is always fun. I fucking love those two together. Belinda came and joined us. We had lots of adventures. Me and some others went to south bank and Yeah. Twas fun.
I stayed at Belindas house which obviously was great and lots of fun. I love that girl, alot♥
Tuesday: Me and Bel went to the city, then Luke came and got me and we went back to Jacob's house WHICH TOOK motherfucking YEARS because we got on a bus to the hyperdome which took like, 40 mins, then we get to the hyperdome and cause Luke's a hooker we had to walk around for ages THEN he decides finally we're getting on a bus to go to Jacobs place which we did and Yeah.
HE GOT US OFF AT THE WRONG STOP AND WE HAD TO WALK AGES IN THE HOT HOT SUNNN FUCKKK I NEARLY DIED
I fucking HATE the summer
And the SUN
and fdsjhflkafj!
LAAAME
Anyways we had lots of fun, we lay in aircon for hours and we're being idiots for ages
And then I went home because I had to. But I wanted to stay.
Yeah, I had a really weird conversation with Siobhan last night. It was fucking strange. I thought I was okay. But then my Mum made me seriously upset.
I dont understand her sometimes.
I dont think anyone will understand this but oh well I really dont care.
Nothing is making sense anymore.
I have to make a couple of big decisions soon and basically they'll influence my whole life.. I dont know what the fuck to fucking do, this is the first time I've had this kind of controll over my life, but at the same time I havent got the controll I want. I know what I want to do but Mum isn't letting me do it. Im sick of her at the moment. I understand shes all weird because of the split with Benn and how messy it's been and stuff, But I've been totally supportive of her throughout that whole period. I fucking try so fucking hard to be the good kid, I'm trying to keep out of her way and she thinks that I'm running away from her, that I dont want to talk to her anymore. It's not like that. I dont want to confuse her and get her more upset with what I'm all confused about. I feel the need to just fucking get away from her. I dont want this. I dont want to fucking talk about this. I'm sick of the interrogations, Im sick of the whole "You're just saying this" line, Im over it.
I thought the holidays would be relaxing. If anything they've upset me more. Because I'm going fucking crazy.
I think the lack of routine in my life has messed me up. I like the holidays. I like what I'm doing; seeing friends everyday...
But the things that are annoying me is that I can't sleep well at all. Im constantly confused about my feelings.. I dont know what to say anymore. Im going off food again. I hate my fucking work. I dont want to work. I want to be poor and just live off pocket money. I really dont care.
I miss Tilly, most of all.
I dont know what to say anymore.
What I have done:
Sunday: WORK. Fuck it was bad. Yeah, Yeah, wiping Tables for an hour. MM fun. Not.
Monday: City. I got in early and yeah, talking to Siobhan and Mark for awhile. Which was // is always fun. I fucking love those two together. Belinda came and joined us. We had lots of adventures. Me and some others went to south bank and Yeah. Twas fun.
I stayed at Belindas house which obviously was great and lots of fun. I love that girl, alot♥
Tuesday: Me and Bel went to the city, then Luke came and got me and we went back to Jacob's house WHICH TOOK motherfucking YEARS because we got on a bus to the hyperdome which took like, 40 mins, then we get to the hyperdome and cause Luke's a hooker we had to walk around for ages THEN he decides finally we're getting on a bus to go to Jacobs place which we did and Yeah.
HE GOT US OFF AT THE WRONG STOP AND WE HAD TO WALK AGES IN THE HOT HOT SUNNN FUCKKK I NEARLY DIED
I fucking HATE the summer
And the SUN
and fdsjhflkafj!
LAAAME
Anyways we had lots of fun, we lay in aircon for hours and we're being idiots for ages
And then I went home because I had to. But I wanted to stay.
Yeah, I had a really weird conversation with Siobhan last night. It was fucking strange. I thought I was okay. But then my Mum made me seriously upset.
I dont understand her sometimes.
I dont think anyone will understand this but oh well I really dont care.
Nothing is making sense anymore.
I have to make a couple of big decisions soon and basically they'll influence my whole life.. I dont know what the fuck to fucking do, this is the first time I've had this kind of controll over my life, but at the same time I havent got the controll I want. I know what I want to do but Mum isn't letting me do it. Im sick of her at the moment. I understand shes all weird because of the split with Benn and how messy it's been and stuff, But I've been totally supportive of her throughout that whole period. I fucking try so fucking hard to be the good kid, I'm trying to keep out of her way and she thinks that I'm running away from her, that I dont want to talk to her anymore. It's not like that. I dont want to confuse her and get her more upset with what I'm all confused about. I feel the need to just fucking get away from her. I dont want this. I dont want to fucking talk about this. I'm sick of the interrogations, Im sick of the whole "You're just saying this" line, Im over it.
I thought the holidays would be relaxing. If anything they've upset me more. Because I'm going fucking crazy.
I think the lack of routine in my life has messed me up. I like the holidays. I like what I'm doing; seeing friends everyday...
But the things that are annoying me is that I can't sleep well at all. Im constantly confused about my feelings.. I dont know what to say anymore. Im going off food again. I hate my fucking work. I dont want to work. I want to be poor and just live off pocket money. I really dont care.
I miss Tilly, most of all.
I dont know what to say anymore.