Burn "my" room, burn it till its only ashes and dust. Burn it.
If I just could take a match and burn only my room, I think it would make my parents lives a bit easier. Everytime I come home and walk into my room something feels different. And you know what it is? Mom walks in my room as though its cool.
Right.
My so called asylum only exists in my mind. My so called bedroom is privy to everyone even when I don't want it to be. I'm not constantly being a slob, pig, whatever to get attention. I don't like attention, especially from my parents/mom. I'm just a fucking slob, who is begginning to not care anymore. Oh... yeah talk to my parents more. Everything that I say is fucking wrong. Or its one of those you just wanna get fired speech. Great. Oh Yes!!! Getting fired is my fucking goal in life, since obviously I seem to only prove my inadequacy everytime I tell my mom about it. Of course! That is what I am. Someone who only seeks attention for the stupid shit that I perform.
Since I really can't tell my parents or anyone else for that matter about what really happened at work, hell this is the best place for it. I didn't talk at all today, except for about fifteen minutes when I was being partially trained on how to clean these fucking massive machines. I didn't want to talk. After all Adam seems to think by covering his mouth and talking to Tim makes me stupid not to realize that they're actually talking about me.
Even now, when I go upstairs to do something, and Mike and Mom are downstairs. I constantly wonder what was being said behind my back. Always. Because usually after Mike is gone, I hear all about how inadequate I am. I know my parents love me and all, but right now I"m angry enough to have temptation drive me over the edge. But it won't. I'll cry anywhere but at home, in front of my parents, in front of Mike, or in front of his friends. I won't do it. Now I won't even do it in my bedroom, because its not my bedroom anymore. Its just a place where I can sleep if I actually go to sleep. Such as tonight. I don't think I'm going to actually sleep tonight. There's no reason to.
Mom will probably say no you can't see Mike, so really. I don't think I need any sleep for this night. do you? I've been having a bad half of a week so far. I wonder what other nasty surprises I have coming my way. Ha ha. Maybe I'll find out some horrid news and have a nervous breakdown. Than no one will want to hang out with me than, now will they? Nope.
So to everyone who reads this, I'm the messiest person on the planet, I'm probably worse than your fiance, boyfriend/girlfriend, sister, or acquantance. So just to let you know. I'm a fucking slob and I hate myself each and every day because of it. I'm going to go now, because as we all know, writing on livejournal is just a waste of fricken time.
Right.
My so called asylum only exists in my mind. My so called bedroom is privy to everyone even when I don't want it to be. I'm not constantly being a slob, pig, whatever to get attention. I don't like attention, especially from my parents/mom. I'm just a fucking slob, who is begginning to not care anymore. Oh... yeah talk to my parents more. Everything that I say is fucking wrong. Or its one of those you just wanna get fired speech. Great. Oh Yes!!! Getting fired is my fucking goal in life, since obviously I seem to only prove my inadequacy everytime I tell my mom about it. Of course! That is what I am. Someone who only seeks attention for the stupid shit that I perform.
Since I really can't tell my parents or anyone else for that matter about what really happened at work, hell this is the best place for it. I didn't talk at all today, except for about fifteen minutes when I was being partially trained on how to clean these fucking massive machines. I didn't want to talk. After all Adam seems to think by covering his mouth and talking to Tim makes me stupid not to realize that they're actually talking about me.
Even now, when I go upstairs to do something, and Mike and Mom are downstairs. I constantly wonder what was being said behind my back. Always. Because usually after Mike is gone, I hear all about how inadequate I am. I know my parents love me and all, but right now I"m angry enough to have temptation drive me over the edge. But it won't. I'll cry anywhere but at home, in front of my parents, in front of Mike, or in front of his friends. I won't do it. Now I won't even do it in my bedroom, because its not my bedroom anymore. Its just a place where I can sleep if I actually go to sleep. Such as tonight. I don't think I'm going to actually sleep tonight. There's no reason to.
Mom will probably say no you can't see Mike, so really. I don't think I need any sleep for this night. do you? I've been having a bad half of a week so far. I wonder what other nasty surprises I have coming my way. Ha ha. Maybe I'll find out some horrid news and have a nervous breakdown. Than no one will want to hang out with me than, now will they? Nope.
So to everyone who reads this, I'm the messiest person on the planet, I'm probably worse than your fiance, boyfriend/girlfriend, sister, or acquantance. So just to let you know. I'm a fucking slob and I hate myself each and every day because of it. I'm going to go now, because as we all know, writing on livejournal is just a waste of fricken time.