Who Am I?
I say "who am I?" because I have so much on my mind lately. I think, and think, and think, and then more things pile up in my head, and so I think some more. And I worry. And I get anxious. And I'm excited. And I get nervous. And I feel joy. And as much as I think, it doesn't even matter. Who am I to try to puzzle it all out in my head? God has all that in control. I need to just keep it left in His hands, and place additional things there that I try to hang onto.
Tomorrow is the day that I get my dress fitted for the first time. I am rather excited about this. Its something I've been anticipating for months now, and it's finally here! I think I look rather stunning in my wedding gown, but now it will start to fit perfectly instead of too big and way, way too long.
I am overjoyed that Trevor now has a job starting in May. :) He has worked so hard over these past two years, and I have seen and been a part of his frustration and strain. It is a relief to know that hard work has been worthwhile, and that the end of school for him is near. I am also joyous about knowing I'll be living in Johnstown. It is nice to know where I will be moving with him. Johnstown will be the place we start our lives together. :) That is what will make it a special place.
This also means I need to start looking for a new job...which is strange, and feels rather odd, since I already have a job. It is hard to keep quiet about it, too. So far, in my searching, I have found a school district near Johnstown that is hiring elementary school teachers. This is something I will apply for. I am very nervous about even applying, though. Shadows of this season, last year's time, still haunt me. I remember all too clearly the pain and feeling of inadequacy. This is hard. This is tough. I still don't even know if this is really what I want to do. But....it's strange. Something says "go for it!" inside me, while something else says "are you sure?". Still, it doesn't hurt to apply. And if I get an interview, it won't hurt to go through it. I'll be so nervous I'll want to throw up, but it won't hurt.
People who have seen me teach and who know how well I made it through college would probably think I'm being ridiculous about this. There is a lot more to it than that, though.
So.....I'm working on job hunting, searching for a place to live in Johnstown with Trevor, putting invitations together, mailing them, and various other important wedding planning stuff. Not to mention also work at my current job. It is tiring, and stressful, and exciting. My emotions yo-yo all the time.
But, when I'm finally in Johnstown, married to my man.......it will be all worth it. For now, I press on, holding onto the joy I feel about it, and trying to ease away from the stress that builds up about it.
And within all of that....most importantly.....God is the one in control. I have so much to do, so many errands to take car of, but truly God is the one planning. Planning much more carefully than I. Sometimes I laugh inside when I realize how much I "forget" this in the midst of my errand running or overwhelming thoughts.
Tomorrow is the day that I get my dress fitted for the first time. I am rather excited about this. Its something I've been anticipating for months now, and it's finally here! I think I look rather stunning in my wedding gown, but now it will start to fit perfectly instead of too big and way, way too long.
I am overjoyed that Trevor now has a job starting in May. :) He has worked so hard over these past two years, and I have seen and been a part of his frustration and strain. It is a relief to know that hard work has been worthwhile, and that the end of school for him is near. I am also joyous about knowing I'll be living in Johnstown. It is nice to know where I will be moving with him. Johnstown will be the place we start our lives together. :) That is what will make it a special place.
This also means I need to start looking for a new job...which is strange, and feels rather odd, since I already have a job. It is hard to keep quiet about it, too. So far, in my searching, I have found a school district near Johnstown that is hiring elementary school teachers. This is something I will apply for. I am very nervous about even applying, though. Shadows of this season, last year's time, still haunt me. I remember all too clearly the pain and feeling of inadequacy. This is hard. This is tough. I still don't even know if this is really what I want to do. But....it's strange. Something says "go for it!" inside me, while something else says "are you sure?". Still, it doesn't hurt to apply. And if I get an interview, it won't hurt to go through it. I'll be so nervous I'll want to throw up, but it won't hurt.
People who have seen me teach and who know how well I made it through college would probably think I'm being ridiculous about this. There is a lot more to it than that, though.
So.....I'm working on job hunting, searching for a place to live in Johnstown with Trevor, putting invitations together, mailing them, and various other important wedding planning stuff. Not to mention also work at my current job. It is tiring, and stressful, and exciting. My emotions yo-yo all the time.
But, when I'm finally in Johnstown, married to my man.......it will be all worth it. For now, I press on, holding onto the joy I feel about it, and trying to ease away from the stress that builds up about it.
And within all of that....most importantly.....God is the one in control. I have so much to do, so many errands to take car of, but truly God is the one planning. Planning much more carefully than I. Sometimes I laugh inside when I realize how much I "forget" this in the midst of my errand running or overwhelming thoughts.