A Day Late, A Buck Short
Okay so, today was the last day of clinical at the psych ward and I actually feel sad about leaving.
I feel remorseful about the way I felt about that client. Although he was wildly inappropriate and made me feel suffocated on many many instances… I feel as if I should have just talked to him anyway. Today, the last day I saw him, I said a friendly hello and was willing to continue a conversation with him. He smiled and pointed to his cheek and said, “Can you give me a kiss?” In my mind I was like… that’s it! And I said, “No.. No nononononono.. I can’t do that.” The remainder of the day, BS spoke with Jo and I just wandered from person to person.
He tried to engage me in conversation a few more times and I would just respond shortly and not walk over. I knew I’d feel bad about being mean to him! I wasn’t even that mean though and I STILL feel guilty! AHHH Chi wowa. He was tamer and nicer the rest of the day. Reluctant to speak with me because I wasn’t really responding all day. He said I’m going to miss you guys, I wish we could all be friends. I felt sad right then and there… this guy is going to stay in this locked facility and the time we spent with him was precious to him. He doesn’t interact with the other clients. He only spoke with us. I tried to get him to interact with other clients but he would just sit and talk with me. I just don’t dig it at all. He looked so sad when we were leaving, his eyes downcast and his smile full of effort.
WeLL I GUESS I KNOW WHY… So, what if he had a crush on me, big deal. I am leaving this mental hospital and he is not because why? Because … he needs psychiatric help. He is a very bright individual that was just desperately trying to reach out and not feel so lonely. I shouldn’t have taken so much offense to the matter.
Next time I will just let it be. Set boundaries… take deep breaths… ask for some perspective. I see it now… what was the big deal? Damn you hindsight…
PS.. I don't think anyone still reads this... but i'm just continuing the reflective journaling from the semester here... now that i don't have to turn them in anymore.