On Allies
Allies. The term is thrown around all over the lefty corners of the internet, as well as meatspace activism, and there an awful lot of varying perspectives on what exactly it means. Who's a good ally? Who's Doing It Wrong?
I suppose a good place to begin would be with what the term means to me. My definition of the term would be "Someone who's standing in solidarity with a marginalized group they're not a part of". Just so we're on the same page with this.
I've got to say though, that I really have a problem with people who call themselves allies, though. For a couple reasons, actually. For starters, it seems an awful lot of folks seem to think that all that's needed to be an ally is to call yourself one. Yeah, no. It's not a one-time process, it's something that you have to continually work at. Emphasis on the "work" part. Otherwise, you're just kind of hanging around. Which leads nicely into the point that I think you shouldn't call yourself an ally any more than you should be calling yourself a good person, or cool, or well-dressed. It's something that someone says about you. You can say you try to be a good person, or you try to dress nicely, though, and I think the same goes for being an ally. Continual process.
So what do allies do then? Depends on the group, and their own capabilities and strengths. But it's not really so much being an ally if they make it all about themselves. Trying to make themselves a leading voice in the movement is sketchy and gross and drowning out the voices of the people you're supposed to be standing with. Note: you're supposed to be in support of them, they're not a backdrop for how amazing you are. (I knew a guy in particular who really, really didn't get this, I'm pretty sure those I know IRL know exactly who I'm thinking of.) This isn't to say that it's impossible to use your privilege for good, in that you will likely get listened to by members of your group a lot more easily than the folks you're allying with, but just keep that part in mind. On the opposite side, I really get irked when a self-proclaimed ally responds to a genuine request for 101-level information with "It's not my job to educate you!" Because seriously? It kind of is. You're standing with marginalized people, one way you can help is to keep them from being asked "What does "cis" mean?"* "Insert noob question about queerness"* etc. for the billionth time this week.
As a person trying to be an ally, you'll likely mess up at some point. Don't make it about you. Apologize, don't do it again, and move on. The folks you're standing with have enough people fucking up at them on the other side, don't make them deal with their own too.
*I used these examples because they're ones I know best
I suppose a good place to begin would be with what the term means to me. My definition of the term would be "Someone who's standing in solidarity with a marginalized group they're not a part of". Just so we're on the same page with this.
I've got to say though, that I really have a problem with people who call themselves allies, though. For a couple reasons, actually. For starters, it seems an awful lot of folks seem to think that all that's needed to be an ally is to call yourself one. Yeah, no. It's not a one-time process, it's something that you have to continually work at. Emphasis on the "work" part. Otherwise, you're just kind of hanging around. Which leads nicely into the point that I think you shouldn't call yourself an ally any more than you should be calling yourself a good person, or cool, or well-dressed. It's something that someone says about you. You can say you try to be a good person, or you try to dress nicely, though, and I think the same goes for being an ally. Continual process.
So what do allies do then? Depends on the group, and their own capabilities and strengths. But it's not really so much being an ally if they make it all about themselves. Trying to make themselves a leading voice in the movement is sketchy and gross and drowning out the voices of the people you're supposed to be standing with. Note: you're supposed to be in support of them, they're not a backdrop for how amazing you are. (I knew a guy in particular who really, really didn't get this, I'm pretty sure those I know IRL know exactly who I'm thinking of.) This isn't to say that it's impossible to use your privilege for good, in that you will likely get listened to by members of your group a lot more easily than the folks you're allying with, but just keep that part in mind. On the opposite side, I really get irked when a self-proclaimed ally responds to a genuine request for 101-level information with "It's not my job to educate you!" Because seriously? It kind of is. You're standing with marginalized people, one way you can help is to keep them from being asked "What does "cis" mean?"* "Insert noob question about queerness"* etc. for the billionth time this week.
As a person trying to be an ally, you'll likely mess up at some point. Don't make it about you. Apologize, don't do it again, and move on. The folks you're standing with have enough people fucking up at them on the other side, don't make them deal with their own too.
*I used these examples because they're ones I know best