(no subject)
There is this song, by Save Ferris, called "Let me in" and in it there is this line saying, "All that I wanted from you was something you'd never do. Let me in." I was just thinking about those words and I think that I've discovered something important about myself. Ever since I was 12, I have been the one whom my friends go to for advice. I love to listen and I love even more being able to use my experience to help them out. And as I sat here procrastinating to the lovely sounds of Save Ferris, I came to an epiphany that changed entirely the way that I view myself and every relationship (friendship and more) that I have ever been in. I tend to blame failed relationships on the fact that the other person wouldn't open up to me: they wouldn't let me in. But now I'm beginning to see that it isn't the other people. I don't let them in and that's why the relationships fail. I try so hard to show them my experiences. So, they know what I have lived and they know what has impacted who I am today. But anytime I find myself getting upset, I hide it from the only people who can save me from myself. If I was truly 'letting them in' then I wouldn't be so afraid to show emotion around them and I wouldn't be afraid to describe to them how my feelings drive me to inappropriate behaviors. It is so difficult to avoid harmful behaviors if I am always pushing my feelings deeper. I think that realizing this is going to help me immensely. I really hope that my friends can handle seeing the emotions that I hide from the public.